Treating Lonliness with Isolation  

rm_lifesriver 65M
9 posts
7/16/2006 2:15 pm

Last Read:
8/22/2006 1:53 pm

Treating Lonliness with Isolation

I’ve done such a good job of not being self indulgent that I have not posted to my blog at all…maybe it is time to rethink things. As a general rule, I tend to be excessive. “Down the Middle”, “Adequate”, “Enough”, “Simple” are not words that find their way regularly into my daily life. I tend to go for maximum effect.

Now generally that makes for interesting times, and often pretty good results. But it also leads to perfectionism, which is a curse and HUGELY self-centered. The idea that something has to be perfect before I will claim ownership of it; has kept me back from doing and enjoying so many things. For years, I would not show my art or play my music publicly because it was not as good as that made by life-long professionals. As a result, I deprived myself of the experience of putting something out there and taking the knocks and praises that are often what makes an artist grow in the first place.

The idea that a human can be perfect is even an affront to God in many native cultures. Navaho weavers supposedly leave an intentional error in every piece to recognize that only Spirit is without flaw. I am fortunate; I do not have to make intentional errors to prove that I am not perfect. I make plenty all by myself.

I also have been in a cruelly blue funk for a couple of days. Oh hell, let’s call a spade a spade, I’ve been back in the thick of a long battle with clinical depression. (Oh now there’s a great way to impress women…get on a sex site and whine…super strategy Jon. That ought to work about a well as two line “wanna screw” emails and dick picks.) Anyway, imagine a disease where the major symptom is denying that there is anything wrong, and where the thought processes are so warped that the perfect cure for loneliness and sadness seems to be isolating and withdrawing. But here’s the cool part, in a period of less than 36 hours, I went from very near despair to feeling acceptance and comfort and not one actual FACT about my life had changes. It was only my perception and attitudes that did the shift. It was like getting a new pair of glasses and suddenly realizing how poorly I had been seeing, even though everything seemed all right before. God it feels good to be back on the path again!

druidrocker 63F

7/16/2006 2:42 pm

Welcome back - and that other path you were on - it's very crowded but everybody pretends to be there alone - I wonder why that is. As for being a babe anti-magnet - depression in it self is not a problem - not accepting that it is a problem and to not be willing to do something about it is. Good luck and good health.

rm_Ellenback 59F
966 posts
7/16/2006 2:48 pm

Perfection is highly over-rated, which makes it an imperfect process, in and of, itself. How can imperfect beings even know what perfection is?

I'm glad you're feeling's easier to put the cross down, than try to juggle it from one side to the other.

Not sure if any of that makes sense to you, but I'm glad you're feeling better!



CB_2 52F

7/16/2006 3:13 pm

I so know what you are talking about. And I met someone from AdultFriendFinder for coffee a couple of weeks ago who admitted that he had mental health issues - I thought he was so brave to share that with me, not knowing how I would react. And as far as I was concerned, it meant I felt he was more in need of a friend, not less.

Blogito ergo sum.

SuzieQ4U60 62F

7/16/2006 7:18 pm

As with the other commentors here, I am also glad you are feeling better. Welcome back and hope to see more of your writings. I know all about depression, as I deal with it myself. You are not alone. Hope you never feel you are.


MeSoSmart2 59F

8/20/2006 2:41 pm

Don't you find that when you share something about the fact that you have depression ... you draw cool people to you? I empathize...consider myself a lifer who is coping excellently with a chemical fuckup. I admire you for your bravery....

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