There is a god ... and she hates me  

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
7028 posts
5/23/2006 5:13 pm

Last Read:
5/25/2006 2:32 pm

There is a god ... and she hates me

For awhile now, I've noticed a problem with my pants. They've all shrunk.

At first, I thought maybe I was putting on weight, so I started paying more attention to my workouts, cut down on sweets and junk. I skiied more this winter than I have in years.

Still had the problem. I bought a scale. I still weigh the same as I have for the past 10 years.

Ok, I haven't been clothes shopping for awhile! Time to go shopping!!!!!

Had a great time! Spent more money than GW on an arms binge. Came home, tried on a new pair of pants ...


Tried on another, then the jeans ...


Check the scale. It still says I haven't gained weight. Go up to my parents house the next day. They have a medical office scale. Nope, still haven't gained weight ... WTF???

Go home. Measure myself.

I'm two inches bigger in the butt!!!! WHY???

For all of you women over 30, is this normal? How can I be getting a bigger ass with no weight gain? Is it hormones?

I'm freaking out. I've always been a bit pear shaped, but now ...

I called my friend W to cry at her. There's nothing like a best friend to make you feel better ...

"You haven't gained weight? Are you sure? Maybe you gained it there and lost it somewhere else."

I assured her I was the same measurements everywhere except my butt.

"Have you weighed your head lately?"

RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
5/23/2006 5:16 pm

Ahh Kelli, you still are beautiful to us. Even the Duchess thinks you're stunning. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."

Kristofer32 47M

5/23/2006 5:33 pm

Kelli...far be it for me to say, but if you have INCREASED your workouts and changed your diet for the better, is it possible the increase in size is muscle mass? I am SURE you look just fine, and if you increased your skiing this winter, I know from experience, gluts get a great workout that way. Don't stress, just call it a justified shopping spree.


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 5:35 pm:
I know you're trying to make me feel better ... but it's not working.

Aceallen 52M  
49 posts
5/23/2006 5:46 pm

Just have someone give that cute little rear of a yours a nice smack, and time how long it jiggles. Repeat in 30 days and compare times. It's a highly scientific test and takes and expert to administer correctly - if you don't know any professionals let me know and I'd be happy to administer the test pro bono

(just kidding...I coudn't resist....but in all seriousness body composition can change for external reasons sometimes - muscles expand from workouts because there's more oxygented blood feeding them, water storage in the body increases due to dry weather or consumption of too many diuretic substances - caffeine and sugar being the most notable. Besides, is shopping ever a bad thing? Considering how cute your derriere looks in skirts, foregoing the jeans for a bit may be the nicest gift ever given to the male population in your area )

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 5:59 pm:
Skirts also have to fit in the ass. I'll be going to Omar the tentmaker if this keeps up ...

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 6:43 pm:
I'm going to discount the added muscle mass theory because, as LeeAnn says below, muscle weighs more than fat. Actually that was my first thought, but no weight gain ...

PurplePeach72 45F  
9199 posts
5/23/2006 6:01 pm

Dear Kelli, Welcome to the 30 something woman's nightmare, if you haven't already you will soon sprout strang colored hairs from disgusting places like your chin, and hairs that used to be invisile will suddenly turn jet black, your weight will shift and move wherever the hell it wants to regardless of your eating, drinking or exercise routine, but the upside is that between your panic attacks of measuring your ass you will be convinced you are the hottest sex goddess on the block, because you are and a 30's year old woman's libido kicks ass!
Is this normal? Apparently so, from my informal mad dash to the phone the last time it happened to me, I think I calld all 20 women I know that are over 30.
How can you get a bigger ass without gaining any wieght? Just part of the post 30's syndrome, see explaination above, or you might consider AceAllen's theory of muscle gain. Muscle does weigh more than fat!
Is it hormones? Yes, probably but Who cares? Sounds like a good excuse to
Welcome to the Sexy 30 Something Scene.


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 6:38 pm:
ROFLMAO!!!!! Oh, god, I laughed so hard reading your answer! Thank you. I needed that!

JuicyBBW1001 55F

5/23/2006 6:21 pm

hmmmm back away from the ice cream maker and be careful of those hormones sometimes women begin pre memopause in their 30's I know I did because when I got pregnant at 37 I was totally shocked. All the first 4 months I thought I was just going thru memopause then surprise I was pregnant.


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 6:40 pm:
hmmmm back away from the ice cream maker

LOL! Thanks!

rm_DaphneR 59F
8023 posts
5/23/2006 6:30 pm

Ah honey, things start to shift. Get used to it.

Have tongue, will use it. Repeatedly.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 10:08 pm:
Do I have to like it?

Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
5/23/2006 6:54 pm


I have said it before...and I'll say it again...there is nothing wrong with having a few curves...



Sorry....lost my mind there for a second....

NG61...fading back into the shadows....

whats4dessert2 50M

5/23/2006 6:55 pm

Yup Kels, she must hate you and she must be a woman. I can't imagine a guy ever wanting to make you have a big ass so it can only be a jealous bitch. Only women are that cruel.

Screw her. (she must be one fat assed bitch)

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:20 am:
Yup. That's what I figured.

whats4dessert2 50M

5/23/2006 6:56 pm

Oh..and what NightGuy said

carebearluv2 43F

5/23/2006 6:57 pm

Kel, I'm not sure I am helping but I agree with Kristofer. If you are increasing your workouts, more than likely, you are gaining muscle mass. Muscle ways more than fat. Even if you don't think that is it, it makes a hell of an explanation, so let's stick with it! lol

Either way Kel, you are beautiful on the inside, regardless of the supposed big ass you think you have.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:20 am:
But I haven't gained weight!

caressmewell 54F

5/23/2006 7:02 pm

LMAO Kelli...I still believe that they make clothes smaller these they think all women have no ass at all. Unfortunately we can't all be 5'9" tall, weigh 100 pounds and have no curves.

Be proud of your ass...all the men seem to like it and that is what counts

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 8:26 pm:
They haven't seen it now!

digdug41 50M

5/23/2006 7:43 pm

hey a couple of inches aroun the rump roast aint nothing wrong with that

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

micahbiguns 52M

5/23/2006 8:01 pm

Ok scientificly speaking more exercise and better diet equal weight loss, more workouts with the gluts equals bigger gluts aka a bigger ass and more muscles equals weight gain. So it is possible that you have not lost or gained weight but have a bigger muscular ass. If you doubt this ask Tillerbabe. Just for the record I think you have a great sexy ass!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:19 am:
Don't talk to me about Tilz' ass. No woman wants to be compared to her. Believe me. We all look like pudgy pillsbury dough girls.

rm_wyat16 39M

5/23/2006 8:45 pm

I really enjoy your BLOG. I have been watching it for a few weeks now and look forward to it now almost daily.

I think the "Save the Whale" photo is a little bit of an exaggeration. Although rather humorous.

Your measurements are probably only different due to different muscle tone from the extra skiing this year. Or it could be possible that your tape measure shrunk. As for the jeans not fitting, if you look at the way that most women's clothes are cut today, they are cut for a woman without a figure (nothing but skin and bones), to help them attain an appearance that comes naturally to you.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 9:35 pm:
I don't think they've changed the cut of Levi's 517s in a long time.

reverend21 50M
1913 posts
5/23/2006 8:45 pm

Not gonna touch that, too easy and it would be too mean. I 'm running into the opposite problem with my jeans, after measureing my waist, I have lost three inches.

Yea me!

I don't have a scale, so I don't know if I have lost weight, or just inches.

As for yor but being bigger, I really don't think it would be a bad thing.

rm_bk2nrml 58M

5/23/2006 9:03 pm

you have nothing to worry about. im sure that your ass is *still* the ass that would have inspired the timeless figurines of the greek classical era. being greek, myself, i would be more than happy to personally give you an authentic opinion


rm_LoyalCumpany 47M
3204 posts
5/23/2006 9:34 pm

You have a butt? Never noticed.

I am JoJo the Circus Boy!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/23/2006 10:10 pm:
Your seeing eye dog is almost trained ... just hang on a few more weeks.

im_curious_4u 51M

5/23/2006 9:43 pm

You're not the only one who has issues with pants. Each time I get a new pair of jeans I have to try on about 5 just to find one pair that fits. There's no way I can just grab 2 of the same size with out trying them both on. Whoever the fuck it is that makes clothes now cannot for the life of them make the same size twice. Remember we're talking men's clothing here too. I can't imagine what you ladies go though. "Do these make my ass look fat?" "No Honey, but they do make one leg look shorter than the other." WTF!!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:16 am:

Intensity4U 53M
7432 posts
5/23/2006 10:07 pm

ok, if we can rule out ice cream as the cause...

I'm trying to picture your butt 2 inches bigger - still cute!

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
5/23/2006 10:09 pm

Some Canadian friends had me do the computations: 86-55-96. Yuck!

macg76 59G
8 posts
5/23/2006 10:43 pm

"... you make the rockin' world go round..."

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:24 am:
Reminded me of an old post ... Song of the day

puntachueca 106M

5/23/2006 10:54 pm

A friend of mine got curious about this and found out what is happening...while you might be the same size and weight, the clothing industry has changed what sizes are really. So a size 8 is now really a 6. Thus you haven't gotten bigger...the clothes have gotten smaller.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:15 am:
That doesn't explain my old clothes getting tighter ...

rm_pleasuresex3 53M
520 posts
5/23/2006 11:12 pm

If I say Jennifer Lopez, does that help?

And I like the picture. I'm a cheap sort; anything to do with noisy, smelly farts makes me laugh.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:15 am:
The most famous fat-ass in the country.

rm_pleasuresex3 53M
520 posts
5/23/2006 11:22 pm

"Have you weighed your head lately?"

Was that W asking?

You sure she is your friend?

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:14 am:
LOL! Yes, my best friend, and puncturing my ego is what she does best.

monopoly35 36M

5/24/2006 12:50 am

Sorry to sound simplistic, but...if that's a recent picture, then there's nothing wrong whatsoever

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:12 am:
It's not. You guys are looking at ancient history.

rm_pleasuresex3 53M
520 posts
5/24/2006 1:53 am

    Quoting monopoly35:
    Sorry to sound simplistic, but...if that's a recent picture, then there's nothing wrong whatsoever
I hope you're not referring to the picture accompanying the post...

alphuctup 41M

5/24/2006 2:18 am

On the plus side, if they have button lifts at your ski resort you probably won't find them as uncomfortable now.

EroticaXTC 51F

5/24/2006 4:04 am

ahh kellidew, welcome to the world-of-womanhood-your-mother-forgot-to-tell-you about!
It seems like one of either two things happen along the way...the weight shifts either to the front, or the back, lol, so don't feel too badly that you didn't see it happening! Some ladies lose their ass only to find it in the front!
I find myself suffering from the same problem~!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:11 am:
Never happened to my mother ... she's skinny as a rail

I had this feeling that age had something to do with this, thus the post and the question. Now I have to figure out what fits ... and where to find it. Lane Bryant for pants and Gap Petites for tops? Yuck!

onesexyboy1000 40M

5/24/2006 5:01 am

thats a fine ass if you ask me keen for a chat

rm_acer57 60M
124 posts
5/24/2006 5:29 am

I have nothing to add to this topic. Nope. Nothing. .... Torture me all you want, my lips are sealed!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:33 pm:
Smart man. How many times have you been married? (I'll bet only once!)

rm_gorilla062 51M
232 posts
5/24/2006 6:00 am

Did you eat too much of your icecream? or maybe you are working out your butt too much? no matter it is beautiful the way it is... remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that you are a beautiful person inside as well!

EroticaXTC 51F

5/24/2006 7:05 am

I work my lower body every day, and I still have a broader ass than I used to, though I don't see it until I see my pics...the ass is a hard area to target when working out...especially as you get older...
I know what you mean about finding what fits and looks good as well...though I think I would avoid Lane Bryant if I were you, lol, somehow I don't think you need to worry just yet!

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:32 pm:
Well, what can I say. I KNOW the men like the way YOU look!

MillsShipsGayly 52M

5/24/2006 7:12 am

This post follows the homemae ice cream one .... perhaps .. aw never mind lol

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:30 pm:
Don't say it ... <

fmisvme 47M/37F

5/24/2006 9:13 am

As noted above, it's muscle mass and clothes are sized smaller, particularly by brands carried in Nordstrom, Saks and Neiman. If you don't have mush pockets and you're comforable with your health, celebrate your strong bottom. Be glad you're not an assless wonder. Remember muscle = good!!! Have a great day!

Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
5/24/2006 9:14 am

You know, as you work the lower body and the butt becomes more shapely, the shape changes. You might have gained two inches, but how did you gain them? Not in fat, but in muscle. You're nowhere near on your way to the nearest Lane Bryant for pants. As I worked in retail for years, I'm guessing the pants that are a bit tight are a juniors size. A 3/4 isn't cut the same way as a 4. Junior sizes are made for girls and women who never quite filled out.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:30 pm:
I understand that sizes change with brands and styles. But for jeans I wear Levi 517s - men's pants (I grew up in the west - hippie cowboy influence). I don't think they've changed the patterns for those in my lifetime!

That said ... maybe it's time for me to grow up and start shopping in another department ... the one where the clothes are "cut more generously".

Damn, Ann, it ain't easy being a woman, is it?

rm_Cplnluv62 55M/47F

5/24/2006 10:08 am

Wife and I think you have an awesome,shapely ass!! I don't think the slap test will work for you.....Looks like you could easily bouce a quarter off your butt. Not to mention your thighs,calfs.....Shit! Your just ONE tight package!!!!

sillyperv 55M

5/24/2006 11:19 am

You know, you always got to..."look on the bright side of life" (If you're not singing this is a British accent then go back and start again.) Another inch and you'll be able hold 4 martini's instead of two.

And wait until 40 when the body decides to stop healing.

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:24 pm:
I can hear Monty Python singing in the wings ...

And give me break on 40! I'm just starting to adjust to 30!

phangasm2003 107M

5/24/2006 12:15 pm

    Quoting rm_pleasuresex3:
    "Have you weighed your head lately?"

    Was that W asking?

    You sure she is your friend?
Hey, what are friends for, if not to knock your ego down a peg?

I'm with the crowd here. You've got a fantastic body, and if the bumps in the road cause some of the junk to shift into the trunk during the journey of life, so be it. With men, stuff shifts down but stops at the belt line - big guts are NEVER sexy. And the damned hair migration - why is it that men's hair migrates from their head to their back during their 30's? God must be a woman, with the jokes she plays on us.

HBowt2 60F

5/24/2006 12:27 pm's all a part of getting more sexy....

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
5/24/2006 5:03 pm

gravity hun,try putting them on upside down, and at the gym less butt exercises with weights ,just keep it toned.

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/24/2006 5:22 pm:
LOL!!! (just for you, hon!) But that did bring a laugh!

I don't work with weights. I do ride a bike, both regular and stationary, swim, ski, hike, and ... do something else ... saving it for a couple posts from now ...

rm_Never911 60M
125 posts
5/24/2006 6:05 pm

So what's the problem...I like junk in the trunk, and you probably like to shop.

So shake that moneymaker.

norprin5 56M

5/24/2006 6:43 pm

i think i can safely speak for ass lovers the world over...a little more is a little better

King Nor XVIII

ArgosPlumyKooky 46F
3902 posts
5/24/2006 8:29 pm

lol i'm all trying hard to figure it out till i get to the punch line. . .luv it

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/25/2006 6:41 am:

QueenOfSwords 35F

5/25/2006 3:24 am

lol Kelli All you need is Retail Therapy

rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 5/25/2006 6:38 am:
Well, obviously! LOL!

loudilley 47M
20 posts
5/25/2006 8:19 am

Hmmm, I like that ass looks just awesome as is.....

but a funny story...

When I was but a young man of youth, a very wise older gentleman gave me some very good advice. He said, "Son, marry a women with an ass half of the size you like". I really didn;t fully understand those words of wisdom at the time, but in my 30's, I see where he was coming from, lol.

Bottom line, it's normal and you still look smokin hot to me.
Don't stress over it, I still luv ya baby.

blueguy1051 61M

5/25/2006 9:17 am

Honey, haven't you noticed that men tend to want to walk behind you rather than beside you? There's a reason for that ...

FoamsClackRests 46M

5/25/2006 2:08 pm

Maybe Leonardo Da Vinci's played a hand in this mystery!! Maybe a visit to the Louvre and some overseas the Mona Lisa in my heart.

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