More emails  

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
7028 posts
3/7/2006 3:30 pm

Last Read:
4/10/2006 10:30 pm

More emails

Some weeks the emails are just too bad to be true. The picture accompanying this post came with an email wanting me to go for a ride. Yes, it’s a Ferrari. The profile is for a couple. Who’s not getting to go along, since it's a two-seater?

Then there was the one, simple and to the point:
Shall I pick you up in the hummmer? No picture of it, though. I don't know where we're going. Sure, I often get in cars with people I don't know to go wherever they want to take me. NOT! That's why I survived past the age of 6.

This one came with a picture of a cock with a measuring tape wrapped around it:
I am a single, good looking … and well endowed. I love sexy sleasy women and the sleazier the better. Please view the attached picture of my cock. It is over 6 inches around. Every girl I've even been with says my cock is huge. It has been too large for a few women.

Ya think? My damn fist isn’t that big! Well, so much for my self image. I know this is a sex site, and I have my ass stuck out there for the world to see, but I really didn’t think I came across as sleazy or sleasy. Ok, new pics next week ‒ Kelli dressed in a habit! He also wanted to take me for a ride ‒ on a motorcycle! (When I cleaned up my profile to make it “less offensive” I guess I took off the part about NO! I WILL NOT GET ON YOUR DAMN MOTORCYLE!!!!!)

A smart ass, a beautiful woman, and sarcastic too! What a mix! I'd love to hook up sometime, but it is still a little cold to get the motorcycle out and that would be fun to spin you around the mountains sometime on it. But I can't send a picture because I can't find the camera, and I'm not about to stop and ask for directions to it! Plus I'm scared that you'll abuse me verbally in your blog afterwords and my fragile male ego(we do have them you know) would be damaged beyond all regard for life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness and all that other BS. So drop me note sometime if you feel like it and if not have a great time surfing around AdultFriendFinder and getting canceled off and on.

I shan’t abuse you. I’m speechless.

From a couple:
I am an attractive married white male, age xx (although I am frequently judged to be much younger), with an extremely high sex drive seeking an attractive gal for discrete sexual encounters.

And why, should I be so bold to ask, do you want a discreet encounter? I thought you and your wife played together. Or is that the strategy of the day? It’s ok because my wife plays around, too … discreetly. (Although one meaning of discrete is “separate”. BTW, I do know how to spell both discrete and discreet, and use them in a sentence.)

The guy who learned to write in a chat room:
hi there how are u i would love to talk to u.iam a very nice men u wont regret meet me.please let me no i don't unstand why somebody would divorced a beautiful women like u i would treat u like a queen i think u sound very nice we are looking for the same thing please let me no how i can get in touch with u or u with me.please. well take care hope to here from u.p.s god bless u and your family

Just for the record, my ex didn’t divorce me. He did everything in his lawyerly power to keep me from doing it. Made me really sorry that I chose a legal way of ending the marriage.

Some one-liners (honest, this is the total contents of each):
I'm french, you are so sexy Do you want chat chat with me

You sound very interesting

Hello, wow! you sure caught my eye, I would love to talk to you, I know we could have a very good time together (picture of a motorcycle)

Damn... that's hot! Can you play? ?* xoxo

Your profile looks great! I thought I would drop you a note and see if you would like to chat.

I enjoyed reading your listing and would like to learn more. Please take a moment to look at mine and let me know if you would like to chat sometime.

Nice profile.Interested in dinner??


Now, is it only me, or is there something missing in these intro letters? Some didn’t even have pictures attached, or profiles. I’m supposed to go on an expedition in hopes of finding something out about them that might make me somewhat interested?

Yes, I do enjoy chatting with people. I do enjoy meeting new people. I do reply to emails. I do like to play. I do like to go out to dinner. Any more stupid damn questions?!? What am I supposed to do with messages like these? Answer every one? (current inbox count 221)


rm_mtnravyn 61M
890 posts
3/7/2006 4:08 pm

kelli You coul dsend a copy of my post "couldn't resist" and ask if this was about them LOL


rm_ricop1379 39M

3/7/2006 4:43 pm

*Cancels plans of e-mailing Kelli to see if she would like a ride on my motorcycle*


gnr8nrg 47M

3/7/2006 5:09 pm

Thanks Kelli I always enjoy reading the stuff that others get. I don't get emails like that so I find it amusing.


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/7/2006 5:56 pm

Wordsmith - yeah, some people talk about the number of men vs. women on this site, but when you only consider the serious contenders ...

ricop - I have a blog where I talk about my aversion to motorcycles.


MyRealLoverOne 47M

3/7/2006 6:39 pm

Sounds like email purge time....


caressmewell 54F

3/7/2006 6:57 pm

I guess you will be busy deleting email tonight


blueguy1051 61M

3/7/2006 6:58 pm

I'm disappointed. Mine didn't make the list.


elysianpleasure 48M

3/7/2006 9:12 pm

LMAO... ok... damn the hummer things isn't working... well at least she won't notice now that I really own a 1985 rusted out Yugo...


Sorceror07 55M

3/7/2006 9:16 pm

lol! mine's a 2 seater too, but it's not a ferrari, ...besides, if i owned an exotic sportscar, i'd rather have a lotus or a lamborghini, ferraris are too common roflmao! it's no wonder you didn't respond to that email

i don't have a motorcycle, but i DO have a picture of one... shall i send it to you? you can add it to your collection of "to be deleted" emails

...That which does not kill me merely pisses me off!...


Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
3/7/2006 9:52 pm

kelli,

whew glad to see my emails didn't make the list either.

To be honest, I don't have an answer for you (re: what to do w/ emails). My lady gets similar emails all the time...we just laugh at most of them, then wear out the delete button.

And please, don't change the picture!!!!

NG


JudeL5 47M  
1595 posts
3/7/2006 10:29 pm

I'm with Nightguy...
I PROMISE I WON'T send you a cheesy email, and a picture of my beatup brown Dodge van... but your pic brings a smile (evil of course!) to my face...


pinkzplaytoyz 51F

3/7/2006 11:08 pm

I'm with you Kelli, lol, most of the time it doesn't help to even give directions!!!


outdoorsman3174 43M

3/7/2006 11:09 pm

He has a Ferrari!

I want one! I figure if I'm going to be driving around in my penis, It should at least look cool.

Speaking of driving your penis....

Ferrari.... "I will last 30 seconds, and then expect you to look at it and be impressed."

Truck..... "I think I have a huge dick!"

Hummer... as the name implies... "my wife stopped giving me head when we got married, I spent 50K hoping I could attract a woman who would."

Junker... "I get laid so often I don't have time to upgrade!"


JustExploring96 48M

3/7/2006 11:16 pm

Odd, I had the opposite reaction to your picture. I did not find it sleazy. Cute, playful with just a hint of impishness in your personality but nowhere near sleazy.

Why change it because some men do not know how to speak respectfully to women and cannot see below the surface due to their own preconceptions?


Babel__Fish 46F

3/8/2006 12:47 am

LOL.... how about the one's that you get that want you to come on a vacation with them?

Babel


MillsShipsGayly 52M

3/8/2006 5:54 am

You can delete the 68 I sent you already


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/8/2006 7:31 am

Babel - I wrote in a previous post about the invitation to take a yaught trip. Then there was the 25 yo who wrote last week wanting to fly me to NYC. For all they know, I'm a black widow killer ...

Outdoorsman - LOL!

JudeL - That kind of pic might work! Women like a sense of humor ...

Sorceror, Nightguy - My two favorite Doms ... of course I wouldn't delete your emails, and if I posted them it would be as GOOD examples.

elysian - I don't know why, but you're the second guy who's told me about his Yugo ... (note to self: investigate why I'm attractive to Yugo owners ... LOL!)

Blue - You just gotta try a little harder, honey. But I think your one-liners are too dirty to post in public ... even for this site ...


oldman1776 79M
3164 posts
3/8/2006 7:33 am

If all you got is a car or motorcyle then I guess you have to show them off.


whats4dessert2 50M

3/8/2006 9:16 am

I swear to God you should be saving each and every one of these and assemble them into a book. You could title it something like.

Missives From Morons
or
Calling Me Sleazy Will Get You a Date with Your Hand

Thanks for the laughs Kelli


sillyperv 55M

3/8/2006 9:18 am

I see absolutely nothing wrong with these emails.

They make me look good. Great even.

I just don't understand why you haven't packed your bags already to fly into my arms?

What?


StaynHardnHot 43M
305 posts
3/8/2006 11:21 am

My poor darling Kelli, must I write the occasional email stating your very obviously charms and talents being the incredible woman that you are, and what an honor it is to know such a magnificent woman, who i can humbly call my friend, who that even if we never meet will have changed my perpective forever on what qualities i look for in a woman, merely to stem the tide of the knuckledraggers that daily overload your inbox with such idiotic garbage??? Hows that for a oneliner...

Luvs ya, Chris


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/8/2006 12:15 pm

StaynHard - that's pretty good!

sillyperv - you haven't asked, darlin

whats4 - LOL!!! I really like the second one!


ewan_1973 45M

3/8/2006 10:07 pm

Hi Kelli. I discovered you and your blog reading responses to my very admired Frogger. She, like you, also did not like emails from non-local people but we got to meet. I am not sure what to say about those messages. It is a little embarrassing and makes things even harder for balanced males in here. I will not send you any messages; I will not propose to fly you anywhere or to come to see you from here, but I hope you donĀ“t mind that I add your blog to my list of frequent blogs. Yes, there are two, and I am happy Frogger has finally some company. You made me smile on a very dry night -thanks.


rm_4yousexyeyes 106F
307 posts
3/8/2006 10:16 pm

Bless your heart girl friend. I never get mail like that anymore, Just ones telling me how great I look for my age. {gotta love that}
My suggestion, change your age so that you don't show up for the obvious yahoos and go looking for them if thats what you want. First your going to read their profile and second your goiong to make contact to show your interest. If he's worth your time, he will not only be flattered, he will be tickled to meet you. If he's not interested, then he is obviously a MORON of such gigantic porportions that he should be banned from this site altogether. just my 2 cents but with inflation worth $7.26


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/9/2006 6:41 am

Yes, you're gone again. Sorry, honey.


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/9/2006 7:34 am

ewan - Actually most of the people I do correspond with are outside my current local area, but they are people I have gotten to know through my blog and theirs. I don't think any of them have tried to give me a Ferarri or the Taj Mahal, however, just offered me friendship.

Currently, my profile states that I am only looking for friends to chat or correspond with. I have narrowed it quite a bit. But I still get a couple dozen propositions a week.

And Frogger is one of my faves! Wonderful sense of humor!


ewan_1973 45M

3/9/2006 8:35 am

Hi Kelli,
I do not have a Ferrari, or a Taj Mahal to offer, but I can offer my friendship, which I hope you will accept in time. This is my only proposition.

While this is not a proposition, I can't help saying that I had to come this morning to AdultFriendFinder to check that I had not dreamed you. As it happened when I discovered Frogger, it was that time of the night when dreams and reality inevitably mix. You just gained a new avid follower.

Yours, Ewan.


Babel__Fish 46F

3/9/2006 9:08 am

lol at blcak widow killer Never would have guessed!

babel


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/9/2006 10:21 am

Babel - Well, wouldn't you be just a little apprehensive about inviting a complete stranger on holiday with you? I mean, LittleMissSweetnessAndLight might be the BlackWidowInDisguise or Jeffery Dahmer or MissStalkerOfYourWorstNightmare for all these guys know from a profile.

I know that I take a lot of precautions before I'll agree to meet someone at Starbucks on Mainstreet at high noon. And I definitely want to get to know them before I set off to spend a week alone with them.


r0ckhard2x6 54M

3/9/2006 11:22 am

LOL Kelli I am going to send you an email of my own, and tell me what you think.


rm_Mentalride 42M
8 posts
3/9/2006 10:07 pm

Now that was some good readin....I throughly enjoyed this blog..


rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
5220 posts
3/10/2006 9:10 am

Mental - Thank you!


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