Jokes - For the women :)  

rm_kelli4u2dew 42F
7028 posts
6/25/2006 11:01 am

Last Read:
6/27/2006 11:34 pm

Jokes - For the women :)

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional
manner. As expected, she gave a little speech:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said.

"Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences - my being here does
not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

'What I mean Dad is, that those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!

A PRAYER....
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.

Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

To: God
From: the Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box, although they are tasty.

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

5. The sofa is not a "face towel". Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

8. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

10. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

11. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

12. I will not throw up in the car.

Why are there so many rules?

And, finally, My last question . . .
Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?


RevJoseyWales 70M/67F
14393 posts
6/25/2006 11:20 am

Spike fucking loved it, especially the last one. Joe

"McVeigh had the right idea, wrong address."

"This ain't Dodge City, and you ain't Bill Hickok."


JuicyBBW1001 56F

6/25/2006 11:47 am

LOL too funny hope your having a good weekend

Juicy


ilsuconu 58M

6/25/2006 12:42 pm

I've just spent the last half-hour or so being thoroughly delighted with your Gripes, Whines, and Musings... proof-positive that buried treasure really does exist! Thanks for making me laugh, making me think, and giving me a reason to keep coming back here!


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 6/25/2006 4:49 pm:
Thank you. And as to your picture ... uh ... did you find it yet?

LustyTaurus 50M
21253 posts
6/25/2006 1:48 pm

hahaha...those doggy prayers are too funny!!...thanks!

lustytaurus


HoopsPhymaUreal 43M
153 posts
6/25/2006 2:09 pm

LOL at the dog ones!

13. Daddy really doesn't like going for walks at 3 AM in the morning, no really he doesn't

14. Attractive women do NOT want to hurt daddy, don't bark at them.


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 6/25/2006 4:50 pm:
LMAO!!!

rm_pleasuresex3 53M
520 posts
6/25/2006 2:36 pm

Wish my dog had read #11.


rm_kelli4u2dew replies on 6/25/2006 4:52 pm:
Don't we all? I wish dogs would curtail all of their impulses to share.

eveready06 43M

6/25/2006 4:07 pm

Lol! keep it up! x


rm_smosmof2 68M
3240 posts
6/25/2006 5:13 pm

The rest were cute, the dog's letter to god was pricless....


ilsuconu 58M

6/25/2006 5:52 pm

Just a little itch. Okay... a BIG ITCH! Been so long since I've shared it, just wanted it to know it hasn't been forgotten


EroticaXTC 51F

6/25/2006 6:57 pm

A+


HoopsPhymaUreal 43M
153 posts
6/25/2006 7:05 pm

Yep women have souls. That IS the most beautiful part of a woman.


Nightguy_1961 56M
4866 posts
6/25/2006 10:27 pm

Ouch....

NG61...slipping back into the shadows...to pull the 'slings & arrows of ladies' discontent' out of his hide...


reverend21 51M
1913 posts
6/26/2006 1:10 am

Those are great, but I didn't realise I was a rumor


titan_firm 44M

6/26/2006 4:40 am

I can't speak for all men but I do try not to shag legs in public.


MaggiesWishes 61F

6/26/2006 4:44 am

I so needed this today

Warm huggies 2ya


rm_gorilla062 51M
232 posts
6/26/2006 5:09 am

Thank you Kel... brought a smile to my face on a Monday. That is something that does not happen very much!!


rm_PurryKitty2 49M/51F
9753 posts
6/26/2006 5:14 am

Love it@

Purry {=}

Purry


bustybettyboop2 51F

6/26/2006 7:41 am

too cute! busty


funintheday2006 57M
9659 posts
6/26/2006 9:22 am

Fantastic blog kell, thanks for stopping by mine and erecting the headstone!
Heres one from a female employee you may like

Me " You dont look very busy"
She " Course not, Im a woman, I did it right first time"

Mm


Lovin_U_4_Fun 55F

6/26/2006 11:39 am

The two I love are:

The first one! "As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!" Where does one find a gig like that?

And

The last one, the Dog's letter to God. I kept saying, "awe." I love animails and miss my ex-dog, Daisy!

Thanks of sharing!


Kaliedascope61 43M
4084 posts
6/26/2006 3:19 pm

ever watch the dog whisperer?

Bad dog! stole a biscuit!!!


caressmewell 55F

6/26/2006 4:31 pm

Thank you...I needed the laughs!


tootsiedippin 54M/54F
1078 posts
6/26/2006 6:30 pm

A great way to end a monday....

Dippin


NSAAddict 43F

6/27/2006 10:04 am

LMAO, these were awesome, particularly love and agree with the first one


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