The woman behind us  

rm_jst4blog 49M/49F
41 posts
3/11/2006 12:03 am

Last Read:
3/12/2006 2:00 am

The woman behind us

I'm trying to remember exactly when she moved in. It's funny how, when you live in a community with children -- you remember dates by how old the kids are.

Must have been 9 years ago. She brought with her 2 daughters and 2 sons. All the children had different fathers. She swore, when she moved in that she was going to make it on her own. Lay off the men for a while. Prove she could survive just fine without them.

As she was moving in we noticed that there was a man who would show up and help her. He had a little boy himself. We asked her one day. So who is he? Do we need to be able to recognise his truck, so that we know he belongs? She was adamant ... no, no, no. He is just a friend from work who is helping me move.


We have never known a single man to help a single woman move herself, her kids and all her worldly goods -- just because he's her friend. May seem cynical to some of you ... we are just going on our own judgements and prior experience. She insisted. No sex was going to happen! He is just her friend and besides .. he's not her type. Sure. Whatever.

About a month after she finally got moved in, we started noticing that he was spending more and more time next door. Matter of fact, he was staying over nights. Sure enough, in about a month, he and his child had moved in and she was pregnant. Her deceleration -- I just can't seem to be without a man.

He stuck around for a little while. When the babies (yes twins) were born, he lasted about 6 more months. Then "poof". Once more. We heard her claim -- "no more men. Going to do it by myself. I have family. I don't need a man." We just looked at each other and asked ourselves how long?

How long ended up being another year. The new guy started showing up when the twins were about a year and a half. By now the two girls had moved out. The new man brought with him a daughter of his own. A pretty little thing right at my sons age. Can you spell trouble? We could. After seeing him for about 2 weeks, he and his daughter moved in. This time however, it looked like things might go differently. He was supposedly building on his own land. They were going to either sell her place or rent it out and live in his home. Sounds nice. Matter of fact, it sounded like a right fine idea. Maybe this guy had more staying power.

With him around, she seemed more mentally stable and we were able to carry on friendly conversations. Just what we were looking for. Grown-ups to hang out with!

Remember the trouble you smelled earlier? His little girl decided she liked our boy. Our boy decided that she wasn't that bad looking.

Fast forward ... now the two kids are both sexually active. We don't have a problem with the girl. She's sweet enough. Politer than most teens tend to be. AND she is actually willing to carry on conversations with adults using words of more than one syllable. The two of them are 'going out'. Even though neither one of them are actually going anywhere together. We asked once if they were boyfriend/girlfriend and were quickly informed that nobody did that anymore! You were either hooking up or going out. This went on for about a year. Then the oldest boy from next door decided that he liked the girl as well. This caused some trouble between my son and him. Then one day her daddy up and decided that he couldn't stand our son. Why? Because the next door neighbor had told him that he had seen the girl sneaking over to our house to meet up with our son.

We were informed that our child was no longer welcome in his yard. He was going to put a stop to their relationship. He has even gone as far as to send her away to family during the summer months.

He can still speak politely to us. But we no longer are able to spend any real time with them as a couple. How are we supposed to be comfortable with them knowing how he feels about one of our children?

We are willing to concede that he has stuck around longer than the other man did. It's been about 7 years now and he is raising the twins as if they were his own. We haven't seen their daddy since he moved out.

Are they doing well together? You tell me .. we hear him screaming at the twins once in a while. We see her aging very poorly. Turns out, my next door neighbor stopped getting her alcohol from me and instead is getting it from my backdoor neighbor.

What did we take from this failed encounter.

We started teaching our daughter, that while being part of a couple is often good and very satisfying ... she need never feel like she must have a man in her life.

We started making sure that our son understood that he should never become the end all and be all of a woman.

Be a couple? Yes, if it's what you both want. Share in someones life? Absolutely, but share in it don't rule or be ruled by it.

Another couple lost in the darkness.

Become a member to create a blog