Communicate  

rm_jst4blog 49M/49F
41 posts
3/9/2006 12:17 am

Last Read:
3/14/2006 10:41 pm

Communicate

Communicate --

{transitive verb}
1. (archaic): share
2. a: to convey knowledge of or information about : make known
b: to revel by clear signs
3. To cause to pass from one to another

{intransitive verb}
1. to receive Communion
2. to transmit information, thought, or feeling so that it is satisfactorily received or understood
3. to open into each other

Way back in 9th grade, this was the definition that I was taught in my home and family class.
The definition has enabled me to be an active listener. It often is used when I am playing mediator between people. My children have long ago learned that this is one of my most effective tools. I have taught them. They now find themselves sitting in the mediators chair from time to time with their friends.

The key to it all is: so that it is satisfactorily received or understood. You can talk till you are blue in the face .. but if your message isn't being understood, the way you want it to be, then you are NOT communicating.

Often, I find this is the trouble most couples have in their relationships. They may claim to be communicating ... but in reality all they are doing is talking AT each other, because the message isn't getting through for either of them.

My freshman teacher knew how to teach us how to communicate. We did a lot of role play in that class. There are few teachers that I remember .. HER, I will NEVER forget.

When Dick and I decided to get married, the military made us take couples classes. All it was in reality was a class on communicating. We sailed through it and often wondered at the other couples who seemed to have a hard time grasping the concept of 'open communication'.

During college, part of my degree requirements was a communication class. When we got to personal communications the instructor asked ..

"What do you do, when you don't feel your message is getting across properly, and you think you are to angry or upset to further explain yourself?"

I (being rather shy in this class) muttered "Put it on paper." I might have muttered it, but she heard me. For the next few weeks -- I was teachers pet. Constantly being called on to role play with different students and with her as well. I don't know that I actually learned anything in that class ... but it was fun.

Today, I was listening to my neighbors yell at each other, yet again. They were really going at each other with the screaming and cussing. Funny but sad thing was -- they were BOTH saying the SAME things. They were actually on the SAME PAGE! However, because they don't communicate with each other well ... neither one of them realized what was being said.

So tell me ..

Do YOU really know how to communicate? Or do you just pound the other person until no one is happy?


wantonwill 61M

3/9/2006 1:21 pm

I am an exceptional communicator.50 years of hard knocks and over 20 years of education have drilled that into me,not to mention the concurrent 17 years of military service.Lately, however, I have been finding it necessary to switch forms of communication, as my spouse has chosen to shut down meaningful personal communications and interactions.Thus,our relationship is at best....tenuous. I find unilateral communication tedious and unproductive...and extremely frustrating. Fortunately, I have discovered AdultFriendFinder Blogland, and blogging, responding, and communicating with new friends here has been fruitful.


rm_jst4blog 49M/49F
37 posts
3/10/2006 12:03 am

    Quoting rm_mzhunyhole:
    I use to not..but now that I am older..I have learned to.
I understand what you are saying here, however, I don't think this is a skill that one should wait to learn. Or one that humans should have to live to learn. I think communication can be taught. Now if only we could find the right people and integrate the program into the school systems.


rm_jst4blog 49M/49F
37 posts
3/10/2006 12:13 am

    Quoting wantonwill:
    I am an exceptional communicator.50 years of hard knocks and over 20 years of education have drilled that into me,not to mention the concurrent 17 years of military service.Lately, however, I have been finding it necessary to switch forms of communication, as my spouse has chosen to shut down meaningful personal communications and interactions.Thus,our relationship is at best....tenuous. I find unilateral communication tedious and unproductive...and extremely frustrating. Fortunately, I have discovered AdultFriendFinder Blogland, and blogging, responding, and communicating with new friends here has been fruitful.
Military experience only helped us to refine our communication with each other. One of our first 'shocking' bits of information learned via the military ... "This is a mans Army. Her being active duty and Him not means that this relationship will not last. I will not be a party to a doomed relationship." This was from the Chaplin that we asked to perform our wedding ceremony.

Our second and last experience. We were ordered into counseling by my CO. Long and short of it .. the counselor told us that EVERY bit of trouble we were having was MY fault. He had nothing to be ashamed about ... all blame was mine. He stood up and told the counselor that he was full of it and we walked out of the room.

Oh and your visiting Blogland ==== putting it on paper! Don't you think?


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