rejection and frustration  

rm_jdhoeye 66M
1 posts
10/13/2005 6:48 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

rejection and frustration

rejection by a former lover only hurts if it's not expected. frustration with a former lover only results when rejection is not expected. only by expecting nothing but rejection can feelings of frustration and rejection be avided. And, circular reasoning is always frustrating if not rejected.

until the above circular reasoning is understood frustration of rejection is the only plausable result of a situation.

head spinning? mine too.

knowing the true results of historical events is the way time teaches us through experience. And, that knowledge is all the information needed to fathom the truth of a situation familiar through repetition.

it goes like this: lovers, we drifeted apart, but depite this the woman kept assuring me, saying, that she just wasn't interested in sex. and i beleived her, at first.

time passed and we'd come together as lovers again only to end up repeating the drift apart and withdrawal of her for sexual activities. again the claim she was just not interested, there was no other man, that she loved me but no longer wanted, even thought of sex with me or anyone. as time passed other enhancments were added like claiming i thought of sex too much. which finally proved to be exactly that, too much.

after a time, as time and circumstances provided opertunity, i began following her covertly, stalking her is close, but not true. a stalker gets sexual response from the stalking. I ever got was the truth. and eventually laid. and over time some number of new aquaintances and one good friend.

the events have repeated over the years more times than i remember. the sequence of events, the game, if you will, is always the same; only the stories and men involved change.

obviously, anyone more astute than a rock will know the instant replay is in operation. although the timeline expands and contracts from instance to instance the fact an extramarital affair is being actively engaged in is without any further investigation or proof fact as far as i'm concerned.

additionally, the fact i really do love her, so much i forgive her every transgression of any kind even before it is certain she has committed any unfaithfull act ... or at least have consistantly done so in the past; is fact as well.

obvious now, but unnoticed until recently, is the supporting effect my unconditional acceptance and forgiving has and will continue to have so long as it to is allowed to follow the same recurring pattern.

actually, the only objection i really have to the pattern at all is her inability to be honest about what she's doing. i resent being decieved the first time, and am angered by her continued attempts to do so every time she gets involved in another affair she denies with another man whe claims doens't exist. otherwise, the fact she is involved, having an affair, is of no consequence to me one way or the other.

the idea that she thinks shes fooling me is infuriating; has the ability to drive me to make irrational and/or unwise actions.

so now what? my choices are to actively participate in the instant replay, stalk, catch, expose the facts; which even though caught red handed, or wet pussied if you will, will never admit the truth despite the irrationality of continued denial. and will move back home, resume normal sexual relations for a time after which, at some point in time, the only uncertainty in the chain of events, will again find some cause to initiate another repetition of the cycle.

now; which is the more irrational personality? mine for blind accpetance and forgivness, or hers for repeatedly commitiong actions which threaten, and at times succedded in drawing my into actions injurious to her person, in fact seriously in one instance. of course this fact is cuae for her to feel fear under certain conditions. IE; when my anger is likely soon after discovery of her attempted deception being that time period i will become irrationally angry with her.

the thought occurrs to me which is less rational is of no consequence, moot. both are in their own way competely irrational and yet both are at the same time rational and correct.

that concept, is circular and therefore erronious.

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