BDSM 101  

rm_jacina_n 44F
187 posts
9/12/2006 11:03 am

Last Read:
8/12/2007 11:08 am

BDSM 101


Okay A/all .... this one has been asked to do a blog on BDSM language and ettiquette... well there is alot more to that than there seems so girl is splitting it up a little.... here is the first part...the basics.

Dominant one- The controlling person. They may be a Master, a Mistress, a Dom, a Domme, a Goddess, a Lord, a Switch or a Top.

submissive one- The one who chooses to be controlled or dominated. They may be a submissive, a slave, a switch or a bottom.

submissive- One who chooses to be submissive but who does not give total control of all aspects of their lives to a Dominant one.

slave- One who have given all aspects of their lives, physically, sexually and mentally to be controlled by a Dominant one and who usually has a contracted relationship.

Dom or Domme- One who is a Dominant one.

Master or Mistress- A Dominant one who has accepted the gift of submission from a submissive one who then has become theirs.

Floating or subbie space- The state where the submissive one relinquishes all control to the Dominant one and simply put, floats on a cloud, thus reaching a state of euphoria.

Switch- One who chooses at different times to be either a Dominant one or a submissive one.

Bottom- One who chooses to be scened or sessioned by a Dominant one but who is not necessarily a submissive one.

Top- One who chooses to scene or session a submissive one but who is not necessarily a Dominant one.

Goddess- Usually a Domme who have been trained under the "Old Guard" and who has earned the right to be worshipped and obeyed and who trains other Dom/mes, Masters, Mistresses, submissives, Switches, Tops, Bottoms and slaves.

Lord- The masculine equivalent of Goddess.

Sadist- One who likes to inflict pain upon another.

Masochist- One who likes to have pain inflicted upon them by another.

Limits- These are actions or areas or degrees of pain and/or experiences that are not to be inflicted upon a submissive one.

Safeword- A word or gesture that has been agreed upon between a Dominant one and a submissive one that should it be used by someone during a scene or a session will cause the other person to have an immediate agreed upon response.

boy- A term used for a submissive one which could be for either gender.

girl- A term used for a submissive one which could be either gender.

Dominatrix- A female Dominant one who gets paid for scening or sessioning a submissive one.

The major differences in the two life styles, D/S and B/D, is that of pain and humiliation. In the D/S lifestyle control by use of pain or humiliation rarely occurs. The control is relinquished by the submissive one willingly to the Dominant one. The Dominant one controls by voice and minor punishment. In the B/D scene the punishment is more severe and pain and humiliation is more a part of the ongoing relationship and incorporated in scenes or sessions on a regular basis. Punishment is given for misdeeds or failure to obey, warmth is given for obeying. One must remember this is a game of love, and that love must be shown at all times, even during the act of punishment.

When one speaks of punishment, one must also speak of limits. Limits are agreed upon prior to the start of any part of this lifestyle. These limits must be adhered to by all parties involved. The submissive one submits and trusts the Dominant one that these limits will not be exceeded. They must never be exceeded under any circumstances, without first discussing them between the two parties and mutually agreeing to remove or extend the .limit in question.

Mutual respect and trust is of the utmost importance in these lifestyles. When mutual trust disappears, the parties should re-evaluate the relationship immediately. remember this trust is earned over a long period of time but may be lost in a split second. Seldom when a trust is truly violated can the same degree of trust ever be regained.

Like just about everything else in life, experience with BDSM and D/s also has a learning curve. Here are a few common mistakes that many new people make:

#1 Going too fast. Sometimes the excitement that comes with the discovery of real time BDSM takes hold and you eagerly do too much too soon. Is this your first spanking? Have you ever used that toy before? How well do you know your partner? It is far better to go too slow and yearn for more than to go to fast and do something that you really regret.

2 Just because someone calls themselves a Mistress or Master, Goddess or Lord, Queen or Baron, does NOT necessarily mean that they have the skills or talents to back it up. And, just because a person has a "title" does not mean that you need to submit to them.

#3 There is no one RIGHT way. While there may be "good technique" and "bad technique," the "correctness" of this action should be based solely on what the people involved in the scene have consented to.

#4 Communication is very important. If you are new and have questions, find someone that you think will be able to give you a good answer. Better yet, get feedback from a few different people. No one in this community should feel like they are alone.

#5 Learn about safewords and safecalls and read as many "how - to BDSM books" as you can before practicing BDSM in person. And use what you learn. Ignorance often has bad consequences, and that is very true in the world of BDSM and D/s.

And, lastly but not leastly:
#6 TRUST YOUR INTUITION.
If you have a bad feeling about meeting someone,
playing with someone, engaging in a particular activity, or anything else, follow that gut feeling and do not do it. Often times our subconscious picks up on clues that get translated into that gut feeling. Again, it is far better to
do too little, or nothing at all, and have a yearning for it than putting yourself into a potentially regrettable
situation.

Be safe and well until next time


rm_servingmrbig 46F
68 posts
9/12/2006 11:24 am

jac, sis
thank you so much. this is wonderful! and such a good starting point!!! i hope many pay attention - i'm sure i'll be back to reference it myself. *hugs*

-serving


rm_DJSpin1000 61M
18 posts
9/12/2006 12:55 pm

jacina, thank you greatly, I think it will serve a great many newbies, and refresh more experienced also, ^5 DJ


YouNeverSawMe 48M

9/13/2006 12:13 am

I am so proud of you jacina.


Suicidia 51F

9/13/2006 1:47 am

You are getting good at this sis


rm_chelley_girl 49F
80 posts
9/20/2006 9:27 pm

*applauding and of course....smiling warmly* It is so nice to see down what most regs should already know and be passing on to the new generation of lifestylers. *hugs*


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