nothingness is actually the reality?  

rm_in_sapporo 40M
2 posts
8/25/2006 4:36 pm
nothingness is actually the reality?

How do you explain to the person that you love that all of a sudden you feel nothing, and that this is only related to you? Communication fizzles, and then there's the blame, then the anger, more blame, and then more anger.

It's not new, but once upon at time at least I was able to falsely lay some of the blame on my signif girlfriends. Because, the truth is, they really weren't something.
not one of them truly fit me, wasn't truly high quality, wasn't good for me, and not one of them stood a chance of having me really fall in love with them (and this I know only in retrospect, of course. At the time, I was completely swindled).

This time, most regrettably, it's harder to do it. This time, there's no refuge in the ability to pass the blame. This time, even if I try, I can't hang this on her. Even as darkness descended on my brain, I knew for certain that this time it certainly wasn't her. It was me, and only me.

The problem is that there's no knowing what is real and what is illusion. I can’t know if I love her and I'm just having a fleeting moment of crisis, or whether I imagined love and that the nothingness is actually the reality. It's true that it always passes and then I don't know what I was so excited about, but it always comes back and then I don't understand how I could ever have lived without it. A horrible loop.

i wish i had some one to remind me how to have good time.
i'm calling to all the japanese girls in sapporo, come and show me the reality.

still lost in sapporo.

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