6 points of personality  

rm_house_of_yes 40F
6/6/2006 7:31 am
6 points of personality

Being the complex creature I am, I realize that I enjoy many specific facets (that can appear contradictory) with a potential partner. Breaking it down into small bite size intellectual pieces usually works best for me, so here goes.

1) Intellect -- This one sounds easy enough but of course just saying intellect is vague. I want someone that reads a lot... someone that has many life experiences that they have gained knowledge from. They don't have to have gone to college, but it's nice to find someone that has.... it's a social construction but yeah I admit it... if you have finished grad school it makes me smile (probably I see it as a shared adventure in education-pressure-filled-hell) and even more for those who went for more torture and got their PhD. This isn't necessary though, it's more about having a base of knowledge within ideas, theories, philosophy, and most all something the person is passionate about. I want someone that will teach me and be able to volley ideas back to me. Measuring intellect isn't as concrete as the IQ tests and Mensa would like to make it. It is fluid.... and for me it is more about someone that is a constant seeker of new information... that quizzical mind that isn't comfortable with just what they have inside their brain, they want more.

2) Honesty-- Truth, reality, directness, there are few names for this characteristic that I put so much emphasis on for a starting point. I have spent a lot of time with people in my life that lied... mostly they lied to themselves but also felt okay lying to others. People say all the time they don't like lies but then they do it. (I am no exception, I own my own faults, I do what most people call "white lies" and I'm working on making sure even those are stripped from my personality). Being honest just isn't about telling the truth for me, it is about naming what is really happening. Like if I go on a "date" and it just isn't working for one of us... I want someone that will just say it. If we get together and I liked you but you didn't feel the same (at least for chemistry dating purposes) I want to know. I don't want a "hey I'll call you" I want "you know i just didn't feel the same connection but best of luck in your search for that person." I respect that. It might sting but it is real. Having the courage to really name what you feel and to be strong enough to tell another person is a huge part of a person's character that I seek out on a regular basis. Telling the truth can be scary but living a honest life provides for a much more open and real experience, at least in my experience.

3) Emotional openness -- Flowing from honesty comes emotional openness. I know a lot of closed off people, hell I have dated them. They feel like they need to take the world on alone and don't know how to ask for help or lean on another person. Obviously, I believe in therapy so it is deep within my psyche that individuals shouldn't have to shoulder life's ups and downs on their own, we are social creatures. This seems to be another person that people often claim and yet in practice can't seem to put into action. Being vulnerable is terrifying, I know it from my own life. We are in this together... the hard and tough and confusing situations that continually come upon us. So, being open to your emotions and stating that you are having a bad day, you are feeling insecure, have issues, know your own red flags, being able to share what it is that really makes you feel loved (because we often love like we want to be loved but what feels safe, special, and cared for is often different from what someone is providing) and taking responsibility for your emotions. Taking responsibility if you lash out in anger and when you are crabby and need space or when you are feeling needy and want to be really close and have your hair stroked. It all important... being emotionally available is crucial to a strong connection.

4) Dominant -- This one. *deep breath* It has lead to some problems for me in the past. Mostly because I haven't been able to find someone dominant (read: strong, secure, confident, and sexually controlling) that wasn't either an asshole or wasn't emotionally closed off. I know what I'm looking for though... that ability to push hard ... to know that I'm pushing and demanding and how to be respectful of that _and_ be to able to challenge me back. This comes in the form of intellect, emotional openness, honesty, and a list of other attributes. Being dominant for me means that the person has earned my respect and that I can trust them to actually take care of a situation. 99% of the time I'm in control and need to be structured and together. So finding someone that is stronger than myself hasn't been an easy task, but those people do exists, I have met a few. A person with goals that are driven and focused to get what they want is extremely appealing. I want someone that can hold their own _and_ be open if they need to change their mind set too. It's that whole balance thing. In regards to the sexual aspect, I happen to like things rough. This translates into a person that initiates and takes control sexually. A person that doesn't have a problem giving commands, feels confident about exploring their sexuality and pushing me to explore mine, and yeah it means they often say wonderfully terrible things and are physically forceful in regards to sex.

5) Sarcastic --Everyone thinks they have a sense of humor. I'm not one of them. I know that I have a dark, twisted, and sarcastic sense. This isn't for everyone. I love to laugh but my own version of humor tends to be a bit more biting. Sarcasm feels a bit like word-play... it does have an element of challenge within it. It is paying attention to what someone is really saying and turning it around a bit. I enjoy it and it takes a specific kind of person to like it in return. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself a bit.... admit that we don't always say what we mean and that sometimes it is really funny.

6) Verbal -- I often explain myself as hyper-verbal. I analyze everything... my brain is always ON and I'm full with questions and working on theories. It's a big part of who I am as a person. So being able to tell what it is your are thinking, what is happening on a meta level, what you feel and believe about our interactions, and really be able to process quickly enough to verbalize it... that rocks. Yes, there are times to be quiet but overall I want someone that talks and talks and talks about what is going on with them, their thoughts, their lives, and willing to analyze people, patterns, sex, life, ideas.. you name it I want to discuss it in depth. Keeping it all inside doesn't interest me very much.... I want to kick around the theories and see what we can come up with together.

Are there more qualities? Of course!!! It's just these tend to be the core points I'm looking for in a person.

vrec_dawn 41M

6/6/2006 4:53 pm

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Good luck with that!

Okay, sorry, I don't mean to sound mean. It's just, damn. I can't imagine anyone being all that and still being alive. Honestly. With a dominant, intelligent, dark, and emotional personality like that, I'm sure they'd have pissed off a few people in their life. I think so many people conform and/or go meek because they can't bear the strain of standing tall.

But, hey, I really do wish you the best of luck in your search. There's no reason not to aim high, right? You gotta figure that in the billions of people alive and kicking out there, there must be that one perfect match somewhere out there. Maybe even more than one, since one would be pretty crappy odds.

Though I think it may be especially difficult to find an emotional dominant that isn't also a dick. I mean that's just asking for trouble. Of course, I could be wrong. I often am.

But still, good luck. The internet is especially a broad-reaching medium. Maybe right now the man (or woman?) of your dreams is reading your blog. You never know! And even if not, you're still a fun read.

Mermaidslut 51F

6/6/2006 10:33 pm

shame shame you are not a 40+ 6'4" studmuffin that also speaks geek...

then again,

better you are not.....

cause you seem perfect just the way you are

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