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hayyooji
 
hayyooji means always turned on. all members are most welcome to read my posts enjoy and commecnt on them.
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six reasons why you should think before you speak
Posted:Apr 27, 2007 11:55 pm
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2009 1:54 pm
2617 Views

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three in
tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf
balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been
using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached
by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like
playing with mens balls"
THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the
counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my decided
to release some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks
of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now"
she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice
just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the
bank with my in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were
screams of laughter.
FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your a question too many times?
My three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty
training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in
between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of
course I checked my seven-month-old , she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a
while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No".
I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that has had an accident,
and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an
accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the
smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an
accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos
laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best
laugh they'd ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the
future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman
and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me
last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set,
but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak
1 comment
math
Posted:Jan 16, 2007 11:02 am
Last Updated:Sep 25, 2009 1:54 pm
2796 Views

A hug leads to a kiss...a kiss leads 2 a finger...a finger leads to a hand..a hand leads to a lick...a lick leads to a suck...a suck leads 2 a fuck. So tell me how many people are you gonna hug after you heard this cuz sex is like math...u add the bed...subtract the clothes...divide the legs...leave your solution...and pray you dont multiply!
3 Comments
Five tips for a woman....
Posted:Oct 31, 2006 1:27 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2008 2:13 am
2732 Views

Five tips for a woman....

1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.

5. It is important that these
four men don't know each other.
0 Comments
Men...
Posted:Jun 15, 2006 1:24 pm
Last Updated:Sep 1, 2007 1:39 pm
3045 Views

Sorry my dear male friends, I don't mean to be that cruel!!!!!! but i dedicate this to my ex. as for the last one No 13 its for a DEAR friend.

1. Men are like- Laxatives- They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like- Bananas- The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like- Weather- Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like- Blenders- You need one, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like- Chocolate Bars- Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like- Commercials- You can't believe all they say.
7. Men are like- Department Stores- Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like- Government Bonds- They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like- Mascara - They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like- Popcorn- They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like- Snowstorms- You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like- Lava Lamps- Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like- Parking Spots- All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
3 Comments
funny jokes
Posted:Jun 13, 2006 1:28 pm
Last Updated:Aug 4, 2008 2:13 am
3093 Views

*Question: Why is the '69' position also called the smokers position?
Answer: Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.

Question: Why is sperm more expensive rather than blood ?
Answer: Because it's HANDMADE!

An old man married a young girl. On their wedding night, he showed five fingers to his young wife.
Young girl : "Ooh.. darling! 5 times?"
Old man : "No dear, choose which one do you prefer to start with?"

Man 1 : "My wife is obsessed with cars. While asleep, she holds my bird and say '1st gear, 2nd gear...'"
Man 2 : "My wife is worse! She puts my bird inside her and say 'Full Tank
please'."

Question : What is the similarity between your salary and a women's period
Answer : Both come once a month, last about 5-7 days and if either One doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble!

Question : What is the smallest hotel in the world ?
Answer : It's Vagina Inn because it can only accommodate 1 standing occupant who must leave his 2 bags outside!

Two prostitutes were in a taxi, on their way home after "work".
Bitch 1 : I smell sperm!
Bitch 2 : Sorry, I burped!

A woman gave birth to six babies and on seeing this she got off the Hospital bed, slapped her husband, and shouted, "I told you not to do it
Doggy style!"

A goes to deposit a $100 bill in a bank.
The teller says, "Sorry, madam, this note is a fake."
"Oh no!" exclaimed the , "I have been !"

"Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis, would
you comment on this?"
"The truth is that she has a big mouth!"

A Japanese girl accidentally lets out a big fart after making love.
She said, "Aww, so solly... exkooz me pleazo, Flont hole so happy back hole laugh out loud!"

Love is a complicated machinery. But sometimes all you need is a good screw to fix it.

Sex is like a card game. If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

What's the difference between biology and sociology?
When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology. When the baby looks like the neighbour, then it is sociology.

What is the useless piece of flesh attached to the penis called?
Answer - The man.

Whoever first said that "A is man's best friend" had never seen a pussy before.

Why is breast milk good for health?
Because it is great for blood circulation, provides heat, is refreshing and comes in attractive containers.

Dracula asked God, "May I be reincarnated as a white angel with wings and still suck blood?"
God said, "Okay, I will turn you into a sanitary pad."

Why was the two-piece bikini invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.

Mother was scolding the , "I don't like the guy you are going out with. He is too dumb."
" No, mamma," she said, "He is going to be a doctor and he has already cured me of that illness that I used to have every month
0 Comments
the thief
Posted:Sep 16, 2005 3:57 pm
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2006 12:55 pm
3873 Views

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the man out of bed and ties him to a chair.While tying the woman to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.While he's in there, the husband tells his wife,"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.
If he wants sex, don't resist. Don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry,he'll kill us. Be strong honey. I love you."
To which
the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom.

Be strong honey, I love you too!"
1 comment
cancel ur credit cards before u die :)
Posted:Sep 11, 2005 6:57 am
Last Updated:Jun 8, 2006 12:56 pm
3936 Views

Make sure to cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees
and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you ‒ the part about her being dead?"

Citibank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

Citibank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew." (Lawyer info given)

Citibank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: "Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."

Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

Citibank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"

Citibank: "That might help."

Family Member: "Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69."

Citibank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member: "What do you do with dead people on your planet?"
0 Comments
prince charming
Posted:Sep 8, 2005 6:53 am
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 2:59 pm
3920 Views

I miss you Charming. I need some oxygen. lol. I'm not sure you're gonna read this, since you quit, but I hope that something in you will make you feel how much i miss you. take care my dear. miss you
Oxygen
0 Comments
what kind of fruit are you??? lol
Posted:Aug 27, 2005 1:31 am
Last Updated:Oct 10, 2008 3:00 pm
4364 Views

This little test really tells you a lot about yourself......very informative.

FIVE FRUITS In the middle of the table is a round food tray with five kinds of Fruits on it.

They are:

a. Apple
b. Banana
c. Strawberry
d. Peach
e. Orange

Which fruit will you choose? Please think VERY carefully and don't rush into it. This is great, I was astounded!

Your choice reveals a lot about you!

Test results: Please SCROLL DOWN

If you have chosen:

a. Apple: That means you are a person who loves to eat apples
b. Banana: That means you are a person who loves to eat bananas
c. Strawberry: That means you are a person who loves to eat strawberries
d. Peach: That means you are a person who loves to eat peaches
e. Orange: That means you are a person who loves to eat oranges

I hope you find fulfillment in this new insight about yourself. May it bring you peace and understanding, tranquility and all that other profound stuff.

Also I bet that right now you would like to find me and kick me in the ass or just ...

Well, you know where to find me
3 Comments
painfull but necessary
Posted:Aug 18, 2005 2:04 am
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2007 4:03 pm
3992 Views

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"OK," I said, "let's do it."
"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."
She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vise!
My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's viselike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.
It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"
This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And, see how THEY come out!

OK
gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember... Breast Cancer
Awareness...

Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends, --- and even your enemies. Because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer.
0 Comments
Adam and Eve
Posted:Aug 17, 2005 8:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 14, 2008 2:14 pm
3672 Views

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?"

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."

Adam said, What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"

Adam said, "What's a cave?"

After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"

So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"

God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

And Adam said .......................

"What's a headache?
1 comment
have u ever been caught or nearly caught having sex
Posted:Aug 14, 2005 6:38 am
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2010 4:52 pm
3830 Views

after reading my blog sex on the beach how many of u have been caught having sex or got nearly caught? i have many fantasies about having sex in dangerous public places with the thrill of getting caught. is there anyone out there sharing my same interests? plz write ur stories or fantasies
2 Comments

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