What does she really want? A question for Japanes girls  

rm_guysmiling4u 39M
32 posts
7/12/2005 8:06 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

What does she really want? A question for Japanes girls

Sometimes when I go out with my friends (girls that is) I wonder what is it they really want? Are they looking for more than just "friends" or just friends? I speak Japanese so I know they are not after language exchange because most of the time I speak just Japanese to them. How do you find out exactly what she wants? Should you ask her? I know many Japanese girls that are sooo indirect it drives me crazy. It is like a mind game to them they are wanting you to figure it out. I have had also girls ask me indirection questions that were directed towards me but instead of saying "you" it was like...See my "friend" he likes this guy and he is her teacher or something like that...what should she do? I am like...umm ok....I don't ask them if this question is about me because I don't want to embarrass them so I try to give them a good answer. Anyways...I know many girls are shy and don't want to make a mistake and look stupid so they are indirect but how do you find out? Just ask and risk ruining your friendship?

Also one other thing....This question is for Japanese girls: If you have sex with a guy for the first time does that mean you are together as boyfriend/girlfriend? I am just curious because I have been in some situations where we just madeout and did some touching and the next thing I knew was I was her bf! ( I heard this from their friends) So when do you offically start dating someone? What happens if you just want a f--k buddy (h-tomodachi) do you tell her that before you have sex? Just curious and would love to hear what girls think on this manner (espeically Japanese girls). Also when are you offically bf/gf? When he asks or after having sex?

Thanks!!! Time for bed!

rm_os10sible 43M
1 post
7/12/2005 10:10 am

Ok. So I guess I can give you a few pointers by growing up as a first generation japanese-canadian. First, I'm a guy. So my perspective is as such, perhaps not precisely the perspective you are looking for. Mostly for what I know, I know that asians are generally conservative when it comes to hooking up with people. Taking in my experiences with myself and my asian peers/friends, I hardly heard of an asian guy (or girl at that) being a total "swinger" kinda person that hooks up a lot.

Perhaps it helps to understand that individualism in Japan is frowned upon. You often find that no one will pipe up their own opinion and push for what they want. Everyone will somehow accede to the general consensus and "go with whatever the group is doing." This is just a general cultural behaviour pattern of being Japanese - always be conscious/considerate of the group first. With this being said, it is never easy for Japanese to be upfront or bold with their feelings when it comes to dating etc. because in general, personal feelings aren't expressed on day-to-day social interactions. Even public displays of affection, like holding hands or hugging, are taboo, as it is the public, not the couple, who would feel embarassed.

To make a point, when I visited Japan a few years ago, I had a friend ( in their 20's, part of the work force) who was dating someone who lived in the same town. But, every time they wanted to go out on a date, they would individually drive 2 hours away to meet in another town so their local community wouldn't see them together. They were both a little embarrased to be seen as a couple and also knew that if they were seen as a "couple" publicly, then their parents/community would recognized them to be "serious" and hope for them to be married soon. Totally retarded, I know. This is based on a small-town experience, but I think it describes a lot.

But there are always exceptions. Like if you lived in a major city like Tokyo or Osaka or something, these so-called "traditional" attitudes are less common as the cities generate a more "modern" attitudes towards friends, family and fucking. Chances are, just like how there are places and ways to meet outgoing, kinky or permiscuous girls in North America, you CAN meet horny Japanese girls. Ever heard of "love hotels"?

hope this helps

rm_guysmiling4u 39M
24 posts
7/12/2005 10:43 pm

Yeah I live in Tokyo now and have been for 2 years and I just notice sometimes my friendship here is a lot different than it was in Osaka with my friends. Here in Tokyo I find there really isn't a close friendship and everyone seems to be using you for something, sometimes it seems as if it's a business style relationship. Then we have girls who are wanting to find a bf and that is it, so when you tell them you like to take time and form a friendship first they go off to someone else. I understand people are in a hurry especially the girls who are 28 and above but come on...don't want to rush into anything you might be even wasting more time. They don't want to be friends as soon as you tell them that right now you don't really want a girlfriend they just ignore you and do the typical Japanese way of cutting someone off by blocking them on their phone or just ignoring them, She doesn't even bother saying bye or saying I'm sorry but I don't can't see you anymore. Sometimes I want to tell some of these girls to grow up...and ask them how old are you? It's not like we are in High School...I have also witnessed this in girl/girl friendships and that again makes me wonder how old are you really??

Oh well..yeah I know about how the group thing works and how they like to follow what the everyone else is doing as well as the dating example you said. Just look at the success of Louis Vuitton and Burberry in Japan. Everyone has an ugly and heavy LV bag so some girl forks out her well earned money and buys a bags and doens't think about fixing her teeth. Then they buy the bag and they are like...I don't like it...It's too heavy and never use it again. Go figure....It's sooo frustrating to see this but oh well it's Japanese culture and it's something you either deal with or get out. Thanks for the reply!

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