Rain.... the perfect prelude  

rm_gorilla062 51M
163 posts
7/11/2006 1:00 pm

Last Read:
7/13/2006 7:39 am

Rain.... the perfect prelude

Raining all day... supposed to all week I think... waht aa perfect prelude to my disaster of a day coming on Thursday.
The gloom of a cloud hangs over me like my subconsious condition as the pain and torture set in for the day. I hide this on the outside.. until I can let it loose... then like a beast it rages.... tearing me apart from within.
Destroying the fibers of my mind and soul only to let me collect them and heal again or another year. It seems strange... I look forward to this pain and torture now.... it cleanses me. It is all me.. I never share it... no one knows it no one sees it or ever has.
Like a rerun of a horror movie in my head I can anticipate what I will feel and when; most of the time.... it is kinda like having control over the movie... you can toss in your own parts at times and the ending. Like the writer and director of a film but I cannot control the feelings... the thoughts process gets out of reach for me to control it and it starts flashing in front of my eyes... like a car wreck in slow motion.
Has anyone else had this happen? does it happen to you regularly?

2375 posts
7/11/2006 2:04 pm

Yes! There have been times when I dreaded the pain. After awhile, it becomes part of you. I immerse myself in it as a way to get through it.

cookiequeen1000 54F

7/11/2006 5:03 pm

Enjoy your train wreck of a pity party. See ya on the other side Bud.

rm_barenaked869 48F

7/12/2006 9:28 pm

I'm going thru the same emotions now more than ever with both of my son's being gone...My heart feels like it misses the beat quite often, not knowing anything bout their lives right now kills me...so i can relate. Most of the time life it self feels like a car wreck in slow motion, basicallt it's up to you to control the car. Remember happy thoughts babe...Huggzzz..

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