Life without her  

rm_goffer11 50M
32 posts
5/12/2006 7:16 am

Last Read:
5/22/2006 4:17 am

Life without her

Hi this blog is to help me put my thoughts down on a peice of paper (even though it is electronic) where I can be honest and open without curtain people finding out.

This story starts in January last year and moves through to today.

In January I was feeling a little frustrated as my wife was not supporting me in the bedroom rights of a married couple. I had a computer for a while and never really touched it as I used one at work and the last thing I wanted was to play with another at home. Anyway, in January last year I decided I needed some help in releaving some of my sexual tension and not wanting to physically cheat on my wife, started searching the internet for porn or something.

All my searches ever seemed to turn up is pay this pay that and we'll give you what you want. Well as my pockets are deep and my arms are short i did not want to pay for anything, it was only a destraction and a different way to get off.

The other item that seemed to crop up a lot was, you should view a web cam and watch it live. I started seaching that and well that was worse that porn shows. One name kept shining above all the others, AdultFriendFinder.

I went searching for this and in February found the site found out what you could do on the site and the fact that they didn't charge you was great.

During my first few visits I was getting exactly what I needed, women getting off on cam for the whole world to see and no one was asking for money. I was in tension release heaven.

While watching these shows and reading there text I found another comon thread, you need Yahoo and MSN messanger. Whats that I asked myself and started to investigate.

Wow another world of viewing pleasure opened up when I started using these two tools to communicate. You could talk without interuption, you could play one on one, and no one the wiser. What a great tool for releif.

After a while of playing and having fun, I found myself in a dialog with a member from AdultFriendFinder that had a fetish for being a toddler. That proved to be very interesting, listening, watching and participating. All the while I kept telling myself yes you are having a wank but there is no contact so it's not cheating, however it was a great tension releaver.

Over the course of the year some nights I was over whelmed by interest and other nights, turning into days I couldn't get any action at all. This proved more frustrating than home, why can't I score here, it's anonymous. All the while convincing myself this is not cheating, it is harmless.

Can I also say as I was playing on AdultFriendFinder things at home were on the turn for the better and I was getting a little action, but by now it was too late, I was hooked and almost every chance I could get I was on AdultFriendFinder.

Then early in November of 2005 just like every other time I met this young lady, no pictures, noidea of what, who, of where she was, but as randy as all christ. So being the opportunist that I am and never to knock down a tension releaver we did the business on Yahoo. And during the time we spent together I felt something about this girl, I wasn't sure what, just something.

I kept on playing on AdultFriendFinder and 1 day towards the end of November there she was again, saying hi Goffer, we had fun the other day shell we do it agian. Sure I said, she was already one of my messanger contacts and when she was showing available I jumped in ready to play.

Only this time we didn't we did something I hadn't done before with one of these girls talked and got to know her a little. Well wasn't that an eye opener, someone wanting to get to know me. It was at that point I invited her to my AdultFriendFinder network so I could track when she signed in, and that was at the end of November last year.

Over Christmas and the new year I got to know Mrs X (I will call her to steal her terminology), and we became close chat friends with the occasional bit on the side thrown in for good measure.

While I have been chatting with her and getting to know her she has had to deal with problems herself. First she found out via a friend that her boyfrien was cheating on her, and then after getting rid of him became a little depressed, and felt there was a lot againts her. This all happened at a time when she had started a new job and her co-workers her really nasty towards her.

I know at this point you are asking youself how or why do you remember all this. Well I am getting to that.

Mrs X then went through a dry patch where no man seemed to be interested in her (except me) and that didn't last for long thank goodness) before every man in her part of town wanted her. It all seemed to change when she went on a conference and found someone she liked. From that point forward they seemed to be crawling out of the wood work, they all wanted to be with her, marry her keep her, but the one thing she did want they wouldn't give her.

Well we travelled along for a while, chatting back and forth, learning a little more with each conversation. Then on day we are chatting and she tells me that she is off for a site tour of another country and she would be gone about a week and we would talk when she got back.

Well that week seemed to be one of the longest I have had to endure.

Yippy she is back, hang on she is not her happy and bubbly self. Mrs X sends me an email journal of her time away, I think this was the easiest way she could explain what she did and what she say.

Ok I am not going into detail that is not my right but to cut a long story short she was very said and some bad things happened while she was away.

While I was reading her story and talking with her, looking back at it now that is when I realised I almost lost her and I loved her. Yes you read that right - here I am a married man looking for a non physical bit of fun so many months away from where I started in love with someone that is half way around the world, and what can I do about it, not a bloody thing.

So now sitting here realising I love her and I have said the words before this day but not realising how much they now mean to me, we really start to talk and get to know each other, because somewhere through all of this the realisation has also hit Mrs X and she realises she loves me too.

So what do I do about it, well let me say the story does not end there, Mrs X tells me more news (not for you guys) and problems she has to work through and I am still sat here not being able to help her.

We are closer now that we have ever been and if I wasn't married of circumstances were different I would not be sitting here writting this I would be on a play too her.

The next question I here you asking is well so what, you have a crush on someone you don't know because you can't know someone you have chatted too on the internet.

Let me tell you I was one of the disbeleivers, you can't fall in love that is impossible, you haven't spoken, you rely on pictures, how can you. I will tell you know given the opportunity I would be there instead of here, talking to her instead of you, and if you don't think you can fall in love talking on a keyboard well then, don't beleive me try it for yourself you will be surprised.

But what to do now, I am married with 3 kids, a large debts, and a love that is half way around the world. If you have any suggestions tell me, because both myself and Mrs X are out of ideas at this point in time.

And can I say for the record Mrs X because I know you will read this, sex is sex and if you have it over there while I am here you go for it, you deserve all the pleasure you can get your hands on. The only thing I will say is please try and stay away from your ex, he is a pig and doesn't deserve you. Not one bit.

Thanks for listening

neuroticafrican 37F

5/15/2006 3:20 am


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