Am I shifting?  

rm_girlatheart2 62F
4 posts
2/18/2006 7:52 am

Last Read:
7/19/2006 3:15 pm

Am I shifting?

Then the other question is this ‒ if you (and this means me really) had a partner that was as interested in the sensual to your interest level, could you be monogamous. This is a question that is not straightforward ‒ this does not mean never sex with any other individual. This truly means interest level. That the “other” agreed upon sensual encounters would always be possible, not a requirement, but possible.

Here is what I have felt for a long time. That my interest in sex (the sensual) was at a level that it would be unfair to ask or expect anyone to keep up with me. This is why I have not really pursued a single partner, that I wanted to keep it open. But I do want a single partner, I just want to make sure my needs and desires are met, but even like this they aren’t. There is no consistency. I just don’t want to be trapped in a (loosely termed here) singular relationship where I need more and that could possibly make my partner feel like he is not enough. I am sure he is. There is so much more to relationship than sex. But it is a key factor between two people.

This whole dynamic confuses me, just like men confuse me. And then I realize and remember that partnership has to include sharing, compromise, understanding, communication, trust, openness, that possibly all this other stuff I worry about would just work itself out with the “right” circumstance.

I guess I would like a partnership that does not trap, strangle, or own. But one where two are loosely woven, where feelings are always “considered”. Where you both might not agree on a decision but where both are always just simply considered. You no longer work in a vacuum.

Living together or being married is certainly not a requirement, just the quality of the relationship/friendship.

I may be shifting. Or do you think becoming more clearly defined for “now”.

elysianpleasure 48M

2/18/2006 6:15 pm

A single partner with the right level of senusual connectivity can be enough... sustaining that, even finding that is elusive. But I don't think the issues are specific to monogamy. Monogamy just adds the challenge of time and keeping that connection alive.

Welcome... great post. Drop by to say hello.

VestsKiwisGnats 68M
6 posts
7/17/2006 9:19 pm

Interesting ideas, more of a conundrum. I guess an answer may not be possible. I have learned "not to know all the answers, but to understand the question". So is monogamy itself the problem or finding someone who doesn't believe that ownership of your body comes when you give it as a sensual gift(even if you choose to give it numerous times at different times)? Or is it you have to feel that needing more than one sensual relationship is not "normal". This has been a problem in my life also. I choose to leave open my ability to respond to different women in my life. It has not been easy to get women to understand this concept. I have women who seem to recycle through my life. I try to treat all of my current and former relationships with dignity and respect, maybe that's why they come back, I don't know. But if one does contact me I want to see them most times. If we get together and a sensual moment happens I believe I should have the capacity to make a choice without trying to "sneak around" on someone I might be in a current relationship with. Like I said a conundrum at best. Hope to hear your thoughts.

sweettantraTN 53M

9/6/2006 10:19 am

A single partner, a LTR or marriage. These are all possible. But what if woman's bodies are made for multiple partners for total fulfillment and their hearts are longing for one special man. I think this is very possible and very real. Women have the capacity to have sex and still want more. The more orgasms/sex you have the more you possibly want. They key here might be that movies and culture and stereo types need to be broken to allow a new paradigm of what is the norm for partners. What if it isn't men that need more? What if men rode the passion and excitement of their woman enjoying multiple partners while the two of them kept their relationship full of love, love making, companionship and just plain fun. I am glad to here your honest comments. I believe you speak for the majority of women. Women who have been trained to hide or suppress their sexual nature in order to not have a scared man reject them. (BTW- look at porn and see why men are so confused) Men long for open women how love sex and get sex and want as much as possible. No porn for men is about a woman who only wants one man. Men want this kind of woman then try to marry a 'safe' woman who is only have desire for them. Then on the side they go back to affairs with women who are open to their sexual nature. Hmmm. Might be better to look for and marry a woman who is awake to her true sexual nature. these are my thoughts anyway.

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