Where do I start?  

rm_giddy395 60M
0 posts
2/21/2006 2:08 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Where do I start?

I think I will begin with my present day situation and see what happens for future posts.

Living with MS can be a lonely experience at times as indeed it is with many illnesses.
I have a partner who lives in Japan but so far we have been unable to get him a resident visa for here.

He is a music composer/performer and wants to do everything legally correct so we may have no problems living together. He wants to ay his taxes here and is not looking for one single benefit, yet Immigration will not issue him with a visa! Nobody, especiallly us, can understand why?

In the meantime, when he comes here, he can only stay for three months at a time. He is back in Tokyo now and not sure when he will return here again since he need to comply with pension conditions in Japan. It's a little complex so I won't go into the finer details here.

Suffice to say that when he is away, I feel so lonely and insecure. I am sexually dysfunctional because of the MS but I still miss his touch. I can experience sensual feelings as opposed to sexual feelings. If you think about this, you will understand the difference. I also miss his company and his encouragement.

He is a very possesive guy so am I wrong to still seek the warm sensual touch of another man when he is not here? I just can't make up my mind on this one. I have only two real friends and both of them are straight. They accept the fact that I am gay but can't understand why I feel so much for the presence of a man naked beside me whilst having a partner already? Does anyone out there understand? Am I just being fanciful?

I don't wish to hurt my partner in any way since I love him so much. This is not about sex with another guy although it could develop into same. This is about being lonely and trying to deflect that loneliness with someone I can relate to in many ways. This is about frienship, visits, chat, laughs, sensuality etc.etc.

Am I bad?
Am I crazy?
Am I being practical?

What to do?

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