Do You Have Your Man Club Card, And Is It At The Ready?  

rm_gata11459 59F
8849 posts
3/26/2006 3:17 pm

Last Read:
4/2/2006 11:57 am

Do You Have Your Man Club Card, And Is It At The Ready?

I was lucky enough to find these steadfast rules to live by for men. This is a public service, just do a quick self check, and make sure your Man Card is up to date and not near re-newal. No thanks needed.... really. xoxo gata

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.


26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

38.) A Man is never allowed to talk to his mother on the phone while at a bar. This is especially true if said conversation is preventing him from taking his shot during a game of pool.

39.) All Men are required to be able to operate a vehicle with a manual transmission.


loadeddice, don't tell people that is a picture of you xoxo


Peace xxx K



rm_emerald6912 50M
545 posts
3/26/2006 4:18 pm

lmao....i never knew we were so complicated..lol...next time a woman calls me simple.....ive got the ammo for my defence.


dankos2069 57M

3/26/2006 7:30 pm

Hi Gatta, got some snappy answers for you. Hope the color codes work.

1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.

Im sorry, I cry more than I will admit to.

2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.

Yeah, it's called EVIDENCE.

3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

Within 6 hours if he gave someone an extreme wedgie.

4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

A Las Vegas marriage count?.

5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

Shaffer used to give me nasty beer farts.

6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.

I told my best friend I was 45 on Wed, and he said "huh, waddya know" and then got in his truck. Men dont write either.

7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

Oh, in my life I have caused so much pain. heeeheee.

8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

But. who's on first?.

9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.

I can guarantee you a topless supermodel does not have tits big enough for my taste.

10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.

Agree 100%.

11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

I played a promo basketball game against inmates in college - we showered separately.

12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

Its getting ugly in here.

13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

I went through Target and Lowes today with mine down and I didnt give a fuck. Im so sick of social mores.....yeah that's it.

14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

......I love them.

15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

Yeah to fight the bulge in his pants - I used to wear a jock + underwear to avoid embarassment.

16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.

mmmmmmmmmmm pizza.

17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

You should be able to tell my dear....

18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

Im sorry it must be getting late....."Will Robinson...Danger".

19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!

How about "Suck it up Dude".??.

20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

One question..is there a vent fan?.

21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

I'll just pray for the message machine.

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

But what about that morning after monkey smell?.

23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

I agree.

24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

Who?.

25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULLSHIT!'.
Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.

Factor in alcohol consumption.

26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

Im outta there.

27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

The Wing Man.

28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

Damn, Before??? Really?.

29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

I wouldn't turn down a bowl or two before and after either.

30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

I have a cat named T-Bone, he thinks hes a dog. He's my pal, well, kind of.

31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

Get him outta there quick, if you're his friend.

32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.

I ain't as good as I once was. hehe. cough cough

33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

Especially "I feel like a woman".

34.) Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

Unless they are circumcised.

35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

What is this political correctness?. Fuck that

36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "FUCK OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.

Sounds ritualistic enough.

37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.

I bitchslapped a midget the other day, does that count?.

38.) A Man is never allowed to talk to his mother on the phone while at a bar. This is especially true if said conversation is preventing him from taking his shot during a game of pool.

My mother is fucking insane anyway.

39.) All Men are required to be able to operate a vehicle with a manual transmission.

You gotta race at the lights fellas, right?.


Transblucency 45M

3/26/2006 8:41 pm

*grin* A fairly cute list.

I disagree strongly with this one though:

22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.

Maybe in my late teens/early 20s I would have thought like that. But today, no no no. Just because you crossed the friendship line once doesn't mean you should cross it a 2nd time, particularly in a meaner way. Discussions about friendship should occur before it happens the 2nd time, otherwise you're behaving like an asshole, not like a friend.


32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.


Fair enough - but you are obliged to break it up if it looks like someone is going to get seriously hurt.


rm_gata11459 59F
10597 posts
3/26/2006 9:06 pm

em.. well nobody ever said you were simple...easy maybe, never simple xoxo gata

Peace xxx K


rm_gata11459 59F
10597 posts
3/26/2006 9:07 pm

dankos.. ya, you continue to crack me up lol xoxo thank you gata

Peace xxx K


rm_gata11459 59F
10597 posts
3/26/2006 10:26 pm

trans...when enticed with drunken monkey sex, it is hard to say no lol xoxo gata

Peace xxx K


loadeddice05 45M

3/27/2006 10:30 pm

Ha! That really used to be me!!! Now! I look like hotter Ron Jeremy!! Wanna make a movie???


rm_gata11459 59F
10597 posts
3/28/2006 4:07 am

loaded, hummm well i always wondered what it was about ron.. sure, i'll give it a go, lmao xoxo gata

Peace xxx K


loadeddice05 45M

3/28/2006 6:37 am

    Quoting rm_gata11459:
    loaded, hummm well i always wondered what it was about ron.. sure, i'll give it a go, lmao xoxo gata
I don't really look like "Ron" but we could make a movie anyways!! First we'll need to practice!! All day! you might get sore!!

So!! Ron Jeremy's better looking to you huh!!! So much for me being the hottest man you ever saw??? What was all that love at first sight stuff?? Just pillow talk!!.... sigh!!


rm_gata11459 59F
10597 posts
3/28/2006 4:57 pm

lol loaded, never said that ron jeremy looked good to me.. ffs.. and i know for a fact that he smells bad in real life, and he is greasy, so no.. I just wondered what the other girls saw in him.. did you see him in that E! series, can't remember what it is called, where all the old washed up celebs like him and Eric Estrada and Cory Haimes live in a house together, I think Tammy Faye Baker was in that series with ron too.. anyway i digress.. lol.. it would depend totally upon just how photogenic you are...and a few other things lol xoxo gata

Peace xxx K


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