hit hard today  

rm_funinic 50M
562 posts
4/11/2006 2:42 pm

Last Read:
5/22/2006 2:10 am

hit hard today

Made up a bullshit excuse to be late to work. Realized I had a monster headache. Took Imitrex, no effect. Went back to sleep, no effect. Went to Dr, she was going to give me a shot of some kickass anti-inflammatory, they were going to send me to the hospital for it since they didn't have it in house. Too much bullshit, she told me to try 800mg ibuprofen and if that didn't work call them and she'd set up the shot.

I dreamed about the obvious consequences of the direction this separation is going. To call it a nightmare would imply that my life for the last three months has been a nightmare. Maybe that's part of my physical condition.

As part of the intake ceremony (hah) at the Drs office they weigh all patients. 228lb in street clothes. 4lb less than the last appointment a month ago. At least I'm losing weight, while still maintaining muscle. Loading and unloading the truck/trailer twice this past weekend proved that to me.

A friend sent me a picture taken 15 years ago when
I was still roadracing bicycles. It arrived at my brother's house in DC while I was still there. I was much lower body fat, same amount of muscle... My brother's SO had a few very nice things to say about that pic that cheered me up. Maybe I'll scan it and post it here.

Well, my scanner is at my house. I'll have to wait until my next visit there.

I have no home. My presence is not wanted there. I own a house.

I have no bed. My presence is not wanted there. We used to share that bed.

I have no companion. She does not want me there. We used to be lovers, friends, partners in life.

Pic is of the friend of mine of almost 20 years who died 12/5. He was the only one I could talk to about everything and anything

(screams at the walls...)

I could just be exhausted. Or I could be realizing the truth fully for the first time in three months.

rm_mmmgoodnova 107M/107F
1259 posts
4/11/2006 5:23 pm

Sorry you are having a bad time right now. It may sound trite...but things will get better when you are a little less raw.

rm_funinic 50M
823 posts
5/22/2006 2:10 am

Still raw...

Still an ongoing situation...

Become a member to create a blog