Elaborating on my blog name...  

rm_funinic 50M
562 posts
4/19/2006 4:16 pm

Last Read:
5/2/2006 11:07 pm

Elaborating on my blog name...

I'm not only trying to rediscover myself, I'm also trying to change major parts of my life and behavior that have been causing me problems, all my life.

Nothing life-threatening, illegal, or grossly offensive. Just not who I want to be now that I recognize them.

So, in the last few months I've figured out a priority list, formed a plan for each facet of myself that I want to change, and have succesfully become the man I want to be. For the most part. Most of the time.

I backslide, not often and not much. When I'm under emotional or physical stress, for instance stupidly tired, I'm finding it really difficult to keep the "old" me from reappearing.

Yesterday I did that, and both yesterday and today the thought of how, when, and to whom has driven me to tears. I'm still unhappy that I allowed myself to once again do the opposite of what I wanted to do, say things that don't really reflect who I am, then try badly to recover and make things worse. That personality trait, which though not the most apparent in the past, has been the most damaging and has contributed to or (possibly) directly caused the failure of two marriages. It was and is at the top of the list of things I want to change, and I thought I had it beat.

It looks like I'm better in this medium, where I can edit my words, and revisit them later, to remove or change what I see as mistakes or things that do not reflect who I am. That scares me, because it implies that my abilities in realtime communications aren't there yet. I need them to be, damn soon, for an extremely wide variety of reasons, some of which have nothing to do with AdultFriendFinder or the many reasons I'm here.

I refuse to let this event, irrelevant and without consequence in that conversation, change who I am or what I'm doing in my new incarnation. I'm going to continue to post my visions and desires, my lascivious and lecherous word paintings, my expressions of lust for orgasm and pleasure in direct and erotic contact with women.

So far, the feedback seems to be positive. Then again, it's highly likely (and real, if the "recent visitors" list is correct) that only a tiny fraction of the people on AdultFriendFinder have ever seen my blog, and even within that infinitesimal but very much appreciated population not all leave comments. Since I'm not being controversial or offensive in my posts, it's likely that the only comments I'll get are positive.

Just to be clear, I _really_ appreciate all the kind words and expressions that possibly reflect your physical reactions to my posts. They all, every one of them, give me a smile and almost every one makes me as hard as the proverbial and very oddly shaped rock. (I've never seen one shaped quite that way that wasn't a sculpture, not that I'm that large or unusual...)

While that does wonders for my ego, I still have lingering self-doubt about my ability to appeal to women in general. It does seem to be true that adventurous, wanton, erotic women find my posts enjoyable. Since those are the kind of women I most want to meet here and in real life, I _think_ I'm doing pretty well.

Since I can't leave this post here today without at least attempting to arouse and distract, please follow this up with my closing thought, in the next post... It's a little risky, (possible misspelling of risque'?) since the acts I describe might not appeal to those coming here, but what the hell, it's one of my personal favorites and I'm half-ready right now just thinking of how I'm going to phrase it.

rm_funinic 50M
823 posts
4/21/2006 3:24 am

I'm there. Been there for a long time, just didn't feel where some of the right steps were in this Dance until recently.

Of course, someone leading the Dance (or partnered for a song or two) could be very helpful...

rm_funinic 50M
823 posts
4/21/2006 3:30 am

Wait a minute...

Your Primary pic just changed?!?

You've got to be online then.

Good morning, O Sensuous One.

I have three pictures in mind, and they all have something in common with flagpoles, obelisks, and fire hoses.

And you, of course...

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