What's up with sex and guilt?  

rm_foo_cire_el2 36M
46 posts
8/10/2006 12:55 pm

Last Read:
8/23/2006 2:01 pm

What's up with sex and guilt?

I was chatting in the chat room yesterday and fell upon a not so uncommon occurence in here...

There was a guy (funnily, its mostly men who do that) that was saying that it was kind of pathetic that he was there looking for sex. He kept rambling on and on about it and saying the people who are in here aren't human (ok, I'll admit some are plain rude on both sides of the field) and so on...

So my question is this: whats up with sex and guilt?

I mean, guilt implies that you are doing something bad so lets look together at what could possibly be 'bad' about sex.

1) Sex can transmit STDs which is bad as it will cause bodily harm to someone.

2) Sex can cause unwanted pregnancy which can be bad if you are unwilling to assume responsability for the child (most of the time, its the father who do that, though the reverse do happen on occasion).

3)Sex is at its base an instinctual impulse not necessarily associated with finer emotions like love or respect so it can be bad in the two following situations:

a) An attached person has sex outside of the union without his/her partner's knowledge or consent which is bad to the extent that it can be interpreted as a lack of respect/trust in the relation.

b) A person considers another person as purely a sexual object and stops treating him/her with the respect inherently due to a person.

So, if you are practicing safe sex (at least wear condoms, preferably get tested at regular intervals as you change partners and limit the amount of people you sleep with at any given time), you limit or nullify the first factor for all practical purposes.

If you wear a condom and are prepared to deal with the eventuality (even if its extremely slim) that a child might result from the encounter(s), you take out the second factor of the equation.

Now, if you are not attached (or in an 'open' relationship), have nobody in sight for something long term and are prepared to deal with people here with respect/politeness and listen to what they want (as opposed to just caring about what you want), you take out the third factor too.

So what is left to feel bad about?

And in the event that someone still feel bad about something not mentioned here, why are they here if they feel bad about it? Fighting with your conscience is useless, you'll lose in the long run.

If someone feel like adding something to this or comment, they are more than welcome to do so .

CB_2 52F

8/10/2006 2:02 pm

Hear, hear!

Blogito ergo sum.

rm_foo_cire_el2 36M
100 posts
8/11/2006 1:18 pm

Marcy, part of the reason I like you is because you care about such things and I have a great deal of respect for that .

rm_Maddison86 50F
1 post
8/11/2006 1:29 pm

Bonjour foo_cire_el2...

I was right to add an analytical friend to my network. You are brilliant… I am happy to have come across you in that chat the other night….

I think sex and guilt go together only when you know that SEX is not right under a set of circumstances.
The first factor that comes in mind is cheating on your partner. As you very well said, if you are married and choose to have sexual encounters outside your marriage without your spouse’s consent, guilt kicks in… or at least it should…
On the other hand, if you choose as a form of “sexual” discharge and you victimise the first on your path, then you should deal with guilt for the rest of your life from the cell of your prison (although in such cases, the animals committing the violence DO NOT UNDERSTAND the word “guilt”, it’s not in their vocabulary).
If you are a pedophile louring kids in your sick network and screw their life and psychic away, stripping them of their dignity, GUILT is your last name.

But saying that people who are in here (the AdultFriendFinder community) aren't human, it’s plain WRONG. I might tend to believe that the guy in our debate was under the pressure of a lot of guilt himself.

I thank you for bringing this topic to the table …

rm_foo_cire_el2 36M
100 posts
8/12/2006 11:03 pm

Thanks for your comments, you two. It means a lot to me (blushing right now .

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