Jokes For women  

rm_east2west67 51M
88 posts
7/21/2006 12:52 am

Last Read:
10/30/2006 5:29 am

Jokes For women


Man at dentist refuses to take a pain killer.
"Take a Viagra then" says the dentist.
"Will it help" asks the man.
"No" says the dentist, " but it will give you something to hold onto"

rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/21/2006 12:55 am

Secretary tells her boss that every morning he must give her a kiss behind her ear. Why? Because she likes a little foreplay before he starts fucking her around.


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/21/2006 12:58 am

At 20 a man plays soccer.
At 30 a man is less fit and starts playing tennis.
At 30 a man is even more unfit, and turns to golf.

CONCLUSSION: AS A MAN GETS OLDER HIS BALLS GET SMALLER!!


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/21/2006 1:00 am

Guy says to girl after a quicky; "If I knew you were a virgin, I would have taken my time"
The lady replied: " If I knew you had time, I would have taken off my stockings"


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/24/2006 2:45 am

MANS EN KLIPDRIFT

Na 2 doppe begin hy meer gesels.
Na 4 doppe word hy slim
Na 6 doppe word hy sterk
Na 8 doppe word hy hy jags.
Na 10 doppe word hy gebliksem!!!


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/26/2006 10:39 pm

A professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.

The professor gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by colours and flavours.

The children began to say Red... cherries Yellow... lemons Green... limes Orange... oranges Purple... grapes Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers.

After eating them for a few minutes, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," the professor said, "I'll give you a clue...It's what your mother might sometimes call your father.

One little girl looked up in horror, spat hers out and yelled:

"Oh My God! They're Assholes!


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/26/2006 11:06 pm

Worst chat up lines ever

Did you fart, cause you blew me away.

Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special.

My Love for you is like diarrohea ... I can't hold it in.

Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

Man - Fat Penguin !
Woman - WHAT?
Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into
this cheap motel room.

Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the
afternoon.


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/26/2006 11:11 pm

CONFESSIONS

"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"

"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. You have had three husbands! Surely that cannot be."

"Well, Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk. The next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gyneacologist and all he did was look. This time I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed."


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/27/2006 10:40 pm

Never lie to your bride

A guy marries a girl from the village in Ireland. The Girl is so naive
that she has never known anything about sex. On the Honeymoon night when her husband takes his clothes off, she sees his thing, she asks: "What is that?"

The husband says "It is called TWINK and I am the only one who has it in the whole world". The wife believes what she is told. The couple have a neighbour, an old man by the name of Alex. Alex is in love with the new bride. One day when the husband is out Alex convinces the new bride to have sex with him.

At night the wife tells her husband "Hey, how come Alex next door has a TWINK and you had said that only you have it?" The husband knows what had happened. Not to be outdone he tells his wife "Oh, I had TWO TWINKS and I gave one to Alex".

The wife says "You are a very stupid man, how come you gave the BIG TWINK to Alex and kept the SMALL ONE FOR YOURSELF"


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/27/2006 11:00 pm

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her
husband's key in the door." Stay where you are," He's
so drunk he won't notice you're in bed with me."Sure
enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser,
but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he
saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed. He
turned to his wife:" Hey, there are six feet in the "bed.

There should only be four. What's going on?"

"Nonsense,"said the wife. "You're so drunk you
miscounted."

Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from
over there." The husband climbed out of bed and
counted." One, two, three, four. You're right, you
know."


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/28/2006 1:44 am

BMW vs Women

An engineer, of the BMW Corporation died and went to heaven. At
the gates St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your vehicles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven".

The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want
to hang out with God." St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and
introduced him to God.

He then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have
some major design flaws in your invention.

(1) There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
(2) It chatters constantly at high speeds.
(3) Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
(4) The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust. And finally,
(5) The maintenance costs are outrageous."


"Hmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "Hold
on."

God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and
waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
7/28/2006 1:50 am

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that you are not wearing a panty and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 89 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday.


rm_east2west67 51M
107 posts
8/4/2006 12:45 am

A Mother had 3 virgin daughters.
They were all getting married within a short time period.
Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would
get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard
from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding. The card said nothing but: "Nescafe"!
Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to her kitchen and
got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop”.
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Rothmans"
Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes,
and she read from the pack: "Extra Long. King Size"
She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for
her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in Cape Town. Mom waited
for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing.
Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "South
African Airways"

Mom took out her latest YOU magazine, flipped through the
pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for SAA.
The ad said: "Ten times a day, seven days a week, both
ways."
Mom fainted!


rm_pat1973i 44M
9 posts
8/22/2006 3:14 am

What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball??

Guys search for golf balls.


rm_pat1973i 44M
9 posts
8/22/2006 3:22 am

Great Britain, several years ago, funded a study to determine why the head of a man's penis is larger that the shaft. The study took two years, cost more than R500 000 and concluded that this was to provide the man more pleasure during sex. The french disagreed and commissioned a more in-depth and costly study that found that this was to give more pleasure to a woman.
They could, however, have saved themselves a pile of money by consulting with Free State farmers who have always known that the reason the head is larger than the shaft is to stop the man's hand from flying off.


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