Out and Drunk  

rm_drunkagain66 52F
57 posts
5/11/2006 9:37 pm

Last Read:
9/25/2007 9:20 pm

Out and Drunk

Well I am finally out and drunk.

Marriedman127 49M

5/12/2006 6:45 am

I've been reading your blogs since last fall. My heart goes out to you. I've read the advice that some people have given to you. Some of it I agree with and some I don't agree with.

But here's the thing. Alcoholics and addicts aren't bad people trying to be good. We are sick people trying to get well. It's a difficult concept for most people who haven't been down our road to understand. Society still views alcoholics as bums who just don't have the willpower, courage or personal strength to just stop drinking.

My alcoholism is a force/disease that I cannot control. My willpower has no affect over my alcoholism. Here is my take on willpower versus alcoholism. Go down to the beach and sit in the sand at the water's edge at low tide and do not move. As the tide comes in, as the waves roll over your body, as the water rises higher and higher with every beat from the sea's heart, as the salty brine begins to sting your eyes, as the sand swirled water begins to deprive you of breath, leaving you gasping for air...simply use your willpower to stop the ocean. It's an experiment you can only perform once unsuccessfully.

Noone chooses to be an alcoholic or addict. I didn't used to say to myself as a boy, "Hey, I think it would be great to become an alcoholic when I grow up." The truth is that alcoholics cannot predict how much they will drink, when they will stop or what is going to happen once they take the first drink. It is that reaction to consuming alcohol that makes it so dangerous for alcoholics.

True alcoholics can never be social drinkers. The concept of never drinking again seems incredibly daunting. But don't drink just for today. Or just don't drink for this hour. Or just don't drink for this minute.

Drinking never again is too much to ask of an alcoholic. That's why we say "One day at a time." I was in a meeting with a man who was celebrating 23 years of sobriety. This was his advice. If you want to know how to stay sober for the rest of your life, just don't drink for today, then repeat that every day for the rest of your life.

Seems way too simple, right? They say the program of recovery is a simple program for complicated people. But none of it is possible if I pickup a drink, or snort a line or do a hit.

Alcoholics and addicts in recovery know that their drug of choice if they continue to use will lead them to jail, institutions or death. Never has a truer word been spoken to me. I have experienced several institutions, hospitals and a residential, inpatient treatment facility. I don't want to experience them that way again. I also now treasure the knowledge that I gained from my time there.

So what compels us into treatment. It is said that as long as the benefits of our use outweigh the consequences, we will continue to use. For each of us, suffering the consequences of our use is very personal and different.

So what the hell is my point?

There is hope! Things do get better. For many of us, things can only get better. We may have fallen so far, that the only way is up or death.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I've sat through meetings where I thought that this is worthless. I can't relate to anything these people are saying. I've asked myself, "how can sitting in church basements with a bunch of drunks talking about being drunk, getting drunk and all the crap we did when we were drunk(if we were unlucky enough to remember), how can that help me." And then it happens. Someone talks about something that I can identify with. I say to myself, I thought I was the only person with that specific problem. You mean I'm not special, or different from these other alcoholics? You mean my problems and issues aren't unique or so much worse than other people's problems and issues. 99% of the meeting didn't apply to me. But the 1% that did, just may save my life.

Good luck to us all!

Become a member to create a blog