Jokes !!!  

rm_dragonheat23 52M
977 posts
2/16/2006 8:22 am

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Jokes !!!

A man and his wife were dining at a very posh restaurant when suddenly a gorgeous redhead walks up to the man, gives him a kiss on his forehead and murmurs, "See you later," before swishing out the door.
The wife asks her husband "Who was that?"

Husband: "Honey, I’ve been having an affair for about a year now. That was my girlfriend."

Wife (hysterical): "You rotten swine... bastard! That's the last straw; I want a divorce, you... you..!!"

Husband: "Alright, but remember; if you divorce me there'll be no more shopping trips to Paris, ocean liner cruises, holidays on the French Riviera or the latest convertible Rolls Royce in the garage. You will have to give up the country club membership and all your social gatherings"
Just then a mutual friend of theirs walks into the restaurant with a sexy brunette hanging on his arm.

The wife watches them walk away together and asks "Who's that with Bob?"

Husband: "Oh, that's his mistress."
The wife turns to her husband and says "Ours is much prettier.


There was a middle-aged couple who had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."
Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"
The wife just smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time."


Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They were all gathered around the table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by telling them:
"In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted."
The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger into the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it.
"Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk a finger into the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said:
"The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Now people, please pay attention.


A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnnie .
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little Johnnie says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little Johnnie replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."


2/16/2006 10:46 am


moonfire2u 71F
2602 posts
2/16/2006 6:35 pm made me laugh outloud...

kind thoughts,

rm_dragonheat23 52M
1158 posts
2/17/2006 7:12 am

Glad you enjoyed them. I thought they were pretty funny myself

caressmewell 54F

2/17/2006 3:22 pm

Oh, I needed that laugh!

southrnpeach333 51F

2/18/2006 4:26 pm

Thanks for the laughs. I suddenly want an ice cream cone.

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