Where is the man of my dreams?  

rm_djjazz691 64M
3 posts
11/23/2005 12:35 pm

Last Read:
3/5/2006 9:27 pm

Where is the man of my dreams?

If I could only find someone like the black man in this photo, I would be alright.

I am very tired and bored to death of being alone. I need a black man to love me and for us to take care of our manly needs. I have punished myself for the past twelve years for getting into a habit that ruined my life. I got into a crack habit just because my lover at this time was smoking it. I only wanted to do it so I would be closer to him. I wanted to do the things he did to get closer to him. So, one day I decided to try the damned crack and it was downhill all the way down to the bottom. It took four years for me to lose everything that I had, everything I worked hard for, everything I wanted to have, gone. My whole life was dedicated to getting more crack to smoke. I lived and worked to buy the crack and nothing else mattered. I was paying the important bills like phone, electricity and the rent and some on food, but the rest of my money went to buying more crack. Here are some of the things I lost while I had this habit. I lost my love of shooting pool, I lost friends, I lost about fifteen aquariums and all my fish, I lost my telivision, stereos, furniture, two cars and then my job. I also found out that my lover was HIV positive and that meant that I was also but it did not bother me because the crack was running my life. We were evicted from one apartment because we were about one thousand dollars in past due rent, so we found another one. We were living on my unemployment pay and were waiting to see if I would be getting Social Security Disibility. It came just as I received my last check from unemployment pay. I was getting over $1200 per month from SSD and my lover(if you could call him that) was getting a small SSD check of $6oo and Army retirement of $350 per month. Our rent, electricity, phone and a small amount of food was bought with that money but the rest want to buying crack.

After moving , I started to get some furniture for the living room, the other one was sold for you know what and I bought another TV for my bedroom. So I was slowly getting some of the items back that we had sold for crack. My love life was all but gone and so was my love for my lover. So about one more year went by, it was the Christmas holidays, but not for us, we had no money for gifts. My lovers Army pay came before the first of the month, so we had money to party with (smoke crack) for New Years. After two days of partying, I woke up, went to the bathroom but stopped at the mirror. I looked at the person in the mirror, he was thin and had a face that had sunken cheeks and he was ugly, I did not know that man in the mirror. Right then I decided that I wanted my life back, I wanted to dictate what went on in my life and I wanted to get everything back that I had lost. At this moment I decided to quite smoking crack. It was very hard since my lover was still doing it and the temptation was very strong for me. So I decided that my lover, now room mate, had to go. He had clearly chosen his drug life over having a life with me. I had really tried to stir up the feeling he once had for me, but I failed. He had made the mistake of showing me some of his crack he had just bought, thinking he could get me to smoke it with him. It was too bad for him that we were with in a few feet from the hall bathroom and when he put the foil wrapped crack into my hand, plop was the sound it made as it hit the water in the toilet. I flushed it before he could get to it. It would be the begining of my freedom from him and his drugs. He would move out in three days and me and Sam (my dog) would be on our own. I still had my ex as a friend, one that I see several times a week. Of coarse there were days that he came over for food or some change to buy his cigarettes.

I was not taking care of myself and I was better off alone than I was with my lover. The only thing that is different is that I was shutting myself off from society. I rarely went out to the bars to shoot pool and of coarse I was not meeting any new friends. I had trouble finding friends that would stay friends after they found out I had AIDS. I truly missed my going out several times a week to shoot pool, I had friends that I enjoyed playing with, but they were all gone. They were replaced by the crack I was addicted to and it was my only friend. I begain to blame myself for ever getting hooked on that crap, so I punished myself by shutting myself in my own world. I did not go out, except to buy groceries or pay bills. I was like this for over six years before I wanted to jump back into the world and socialize. I had a few younger men that I met and they were relationships that I did not need. The first one who I thought was a decient young man turned out to be a user. He got over four hundred dollars from me. This took place over about four weeks and then He was gone. I saw him a few times while I was at the bar. He was with other men. I pittied them.

The other one I met was a young beautiful man who seemed to have good tastes in everything. He had become attracted to me and we started to date. I was working at this retail store that sold used things, so I had extra money and I could takes him to nice resturants. He had a Jeep Wrangler and he was a very bad driver. My life was in danger when he was driving. I thought it strange that he changed cars and he was now driving a Dodge Intrepid. I wondered how he could pull buying a new car. I know he had a credit card because he used it several times if I did not offer to pay for it. One day I got a new credit card that I activated. I had a three hundred and fifty dollar limit on it. I saw him almost every night and he stayed with me several timer. I thought I was sexually attracted to him but I was really not. We started something once but did not finish it. I just did not desire him anymore. Well, I decided to use my new card and buy some new clothes at Stein Mart. I picked out about one hundred and fifty dollars of clothes and went to pay for them. My card was denied and I was mad as hell because I had three hundred and fifty dollars that I could charge on the card. I was mad and very depress that I could not get the clothes and it was a very solem bus ride home. I did not try to think about it that night and we went out to eat. We returned home and went to bed, no sex was even attempted by either one of us. When morning arrived, he was watching TV in the living room while I finished dressing. I decided to call the issuing bank about being denied the purchase and the reason for it. When I explaned the situation to the bank representive, she told me that the purchase of two hundred dollars to Houston Cellular was the reason that I was denied. I asked he What purchase, I did not purchase anything from them, hell, I dont even have a cell phone. She then explaned to me that I should call Houston Cellular and inquire about the transaction. When I called, I found out that my friend had charged the two hundred dollars for air time for his cell phone. He did this over the phone they explaned to me. I informed them that I did not authorize this transaction and that someone had used my card with out my knoledge. They credited my card and they would turn the matter over to the Attorney General for fraud. I heard the front door close and I realized that he had over heard my conversation and he knew he had better leave. The store I worked at gave clothes to People with AIDS every four months for about thirty five dollars. My friend was a client here and since I was the manager, I banned him from the program. I had noticed him take a few items before and I did not stop him because we were dating. I did not go out for several months after this.

I went out one thursday night to shoot pool and towards the end of my stay at the bar, I saw a black man cruising me and he was rubbing his cock so that I could see him doing it. Well, he came up to me, we talked and then we left to go to my place for sex. I was ready to suck and be fucked by his big black cock. We had a very good time doing everything I wanted to do. He left at three AM and He gave me his cell number so I could call him later. He told me to call him around four o clock and we would go to dinner. I had promised him a good dinner today. He came to my job to pick me up, took me home to change and then we went out for a delisious seafood dinner. It cost me over sixty dollars with tip. He took me home and that was the last I saw or heard of him. He had my number and I am the type of man that will wait for someone to call me if that is what they said they would do. I am like that with everyone, if I am told someone is going to call me I will wait for that call and I refuse to call them.

Well let me jump to the distant future. I want to meet some good black men, someonesthat I can call friends and a special man that I like and enjoy having sex with. I want this with all my heart and I cannot seem to find anyone to fulfill my needs. I refuse to go to the bars, I dont belong there and I feel so strange around the other men. There have been a few men that I had an interest in and I thought they were interested in me. Well I gave them my number and I am still waiting for them to call me.

I have these urges quite often and I want to have a nice long black cock all the down my throat. I need to have one soon because I want to do it before my throat closes and I would no longer be able to deep throat the long black cocks. This happened in my younger years when I could deep throat twelve or thirteen inch black cocks. If this one man was honest in his size, then I deep throated a foutreen and a half inch black cock. He told me no one had done this to his cock before and he was really amazed that I could take his cock all the way down. I was always a great cock sucker and I enjoyed taking them down my throat just to hear them say, damn boy, you took the whole cock down your mouth. I even had some men come up to me when I was at some bars and they knew I could suck cock and they would tell me they had a good and long one for me to suck. We usually ended up at a place where I could give them what they wanted. I could not do a good suck job while in a car, there is not enough room for me to get into a position where I can deep throat them. I usually deep throated my black cocks while they were standing. I could get their long cocks to slide right down my mouth and into my throat. I sometimes had up to five men that I would suck and on a lucky day for me, it might be more. I had two men with big long black cocks standing in front of me and I would be taking turns taking their cocks into my throat and making them shoot their loads while all the way down my throat. Men loved it when I would do that to them.

Well I want to do that again but I cannot get myself to get up and find a man to suck or any man to do anything else. I like to fuck a nice black ass and I would if I find the right man. I really want to suck black cocks, that is what I was good at doing. I did have a good ass also and I could ride almost any sized cock until they were shooting their loads deep inside my hole. Now, my ideal black man should have a cock that is between seven and up to nine inches and not very thick. I think I could still be fucked by a cock this size and satisfy a black man. I guess you have noticed that I mention that it is only black men that I want to have sex with. I have only had sex with a non black man about three times in my thrity five years of being gay. I have been attracted to blacks from my young years starting when I was about eight. I had no sexual needs at that time, I was just had an attraction for them and I think it was from the color of their skin. I always thought that black people were so beautiful and that feeling followed me through the years. It caused me to want some one black to have sex with as I became a man. It was a black man that I sucked for my first time and I was hooked on black men from here on out.

Now all I crave is a good long black cock to suck. I am tired of just looking at them on my computer, I want to suck one. I am tired of joining this website dating services, I have been a member of about seven different services for over three years and I have never met someone that I have described as wanting to meet. I have met some good men that I keep in touch with but they are all over the country from the east coast to the west coast and all in between. I have a car but I do not use it to go out and search for someone, I have had too many disappointments when I did that. I guess I need to find other places where I can meet some nice older mature black men. I do have an awful craving for some black cock right now, but have none to suck.

rm_Honeyluce 46F
15 posts
12/9/2006 12:57 am

You've traveled one hell of a life journy so far.. I hope you find a good long black cock to suck. Good Luck

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