Does monogamy exist? Does it matter?  

rm_creepnldy 41F
279 posts
5/9/2006 7:05 pm

Last Read:
6/30/2006 2:36 pm

Does monogamy exist? Does it matter?

I was talking to a friend today, catching up on what has been going on in our lives in the past few weeks. After I told her about falling in love, she paused then she asked if I fell in love or if I wanted to be in love? I explained that I had fallen since it was not meant to happen, so she told me that I had to decide if I wanted to be in love. I protested that although I didn't plan to, I couldn't help it and explained how wonderful he is...she said that I may not have had a choice to fall in love but that I could choose not to be in love. She also didn't believe that he could be as wonderful as I described because she thinks no man is that amazing. She then asked me a few more questions, which I answered, and told me that I should choose not to be in love...I am destined to get hurt if I don't make this choice. When I explained that I still want to see him, she said that was fine as long as I didn't allow myself to be "in love" with him because, based on what I told her, it wouldn't work. She told me to fuck him, but not only him (because she was appalled when I told her that I hadn't wanted to be with anyone else since meeting him) and asked if I didn't think he would, given the chance...I told her that didn't matter.

But, I have to admit, she got me thinking...

Can one person satisfy you? I know one person can satisfy me but not most men. And, does it matter?

_Safira 54F
11260 posts
5/9/2006 7:47 pm

Why is it that someone always wants to play Devil's Advocate? *one wonders*

My being satisfied involves so much more than sex, though I will readily admit that sexual gratification is a very large part in whether or not I can maintain an ongoing relationship with anyone. However, if someone doesn't engage my mind and spirit first, they'll never get near my lips ... And if they're a bad kisser I absolutely refuse to have sex with them.

I would like to think there is one out there who could engage all of my senses at my high energy level for a sustainable period of time. The questions are: WILL I recognize that person if they come my way? WILL I allow them full access to me?

Right now I enjoy the lovely people with whom I can be comfortable and happy ... and to whom I can bring joy and hot monkey sex in return.

Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else ...

Safira {=}

This is my blog - Comes With Warning Labels. There are many like it, but this one is mine.


rm_creepnldy replies on 5/9/2006 8:04 pm:
Mistress Safira,

I think your approach is probably best. The problem for me is that it appears that I may have found the one person who does stimulate me on every level, but the question remains, DO I WANT to grant full access? I am thankful that my friend does play Devil's Advocate (thanks for noticing) because she really has kept me from making some stupid mistakes before...and sometimes, I still made them and occasionally she was wrong. If I didn't have the feelings I have, I think it would be so much easier to take this approach...maybe I should listen to her AND take your approach...pretty much where I was before but "in love". Then, if something happens in the future, that will be okay, if we are both ready for it. (When I was talking to her...) I wasn't even talking about having a relationship with him, just being in love with him...I hope that those of us (and I know you and I are) are emotionally mature enough to recognize the difference. IMHO, if one wants or expects exclusivity, that should be verbalized, and if it is not, then one should not expect it. This is so different from the advice one of my guy friends gave me last night...he said most guys don't want to share when they are in love but they don't say that. I think that's a load of crap, especially if they expect it but don't say they do.


rm_madtown75 42M
17 posts
5/9/2006 11:11 pm

Does monogamy exist? Of course it does. Every traditional relationship I've been in has been monogamous, including some that lasted more than three years. While in those relationships, it was never a question. I would have never shared any of them with anybody, and vice versa.

The key word here is relationship. One has to decide the depth they wish to persue: deep love or short term lust. If they are just looking for someone for a sexual release and they want to keep their options open, that's not a relationship in the traditional sense and therfore there's no inherent need for monogamy. This should be mutual, though, and be communicated in no uncertain terms.

If one is in a more traditional relationship, monogamy certainly can exist indefinitely. In those that I've experienced, I wouldn't have shared her with anyone, or even considered it. When a bond is that strong, it's never considered or even discussed. And yes, one woman, the right woman, is enough to satisfy one man. The quesion remains: Is one man, no matter who he is, enough to satisfy one woman indefinitely? I hope so.

rm_creepnldy replies on 5/10/2006 3:25 am:
I agree with what you've said, despite the fact that my friend doesn't. Personally, the right man would be enough to satisfy me not only indefinitely, but forever. Thank you for your response, though it was not expected.

rm_TexNVa 50M/50F
376 posts
5/10/2006 4:39 am

Love vs In Love.
Monogamy vs Monotony.
Relationship vs Exclusivity.

I think you either have to define your relationships or protect your heart. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for hurt feelings.

Can one woman satisify me? Each in her own way, each to a different extent.

Can one woman satisify me completely in every way? No. I don't believe that anyone one person can do that for another. People compromise their perfect ideal for what is comfortable and/or satisfying enough. Perhaps if you don't like enjoying the variety of life, one person can satisify you. How can one man fully satisify a bisexual woman for example? What if I desire women of different ethnicities? What if I just want something different once in a while? Monogamy doesn't allow for that. A defined relationship does.

rm_creepnldy replies on 5/10/2006 6:09 pm:
I do agree that either we have to define our relationships or protect our hearts. I guess I am different than you in that one man, the right man, can truly satisfy me...I just never really thought this man could exist, but I guess I have always held out hope that he did.

For a response to the rest, please see my response below.


insolentone2 38M

5/10/2006 7:48 am

Hmm.. I just posted something like this in my blog... Funny.. Basically it came down to this. Each person in the world is different, and to truly have EVERYTHING you want (even if we are just talking sexual here) there is no way any one woman can satisfy every desire a man wants, and no way can any one man saisfy every desire a woman wants. There are going to be other things you want to do at times, you may be able to put them off, or just not do them and be ok, but to be completely happy you have to explore and do what your body and mind tell you that it wants to do.

This said.. No one person can COMPLETELY satisfy any one other person. I can give examples if you want, but you have already said that you want to be some other things that no one man can give you. Either get them out of your system now, live knowing that you didn't do everything you wanted in your life (still just speaking sexually), or find a guy who's cool with sharing! Wish I would have found one who's cool with sharing..

rm_creepnldy replies on 5/10/2006 6:07 pm:
I disagree. I may be curious about or interested in doing some things (sexually), but I do not have to do them to be happy. There are no sexual things on my list of things I have to do before I die, for instance, but to find my soulmate and not be afraid of love is on there. As a matter of fact, I do not have to have sex to be happy. I enjoy it; I want it; but, it is not a need. Maybe that is what separates me from a lot of people...when not in a relationship, I am a slutty freak, willing to safely explore almost anything with those I am attracted to. In a relationship, I am a monogamous freak, willing to do any possible thing two people can do together, sexually and otherwise (that is legal and sanitary) and to make sure that my partner is satisfied. I do not have to do these things that I am curious about to feel like I am happy and have done everything (sexually) that I wanted to in my life--have you seen my purity score? I think I have taken care of almost everything that I ever imagined doing (sexually). So, maybe I was wrong when I said in a previous post that almost all of us really want that one person who is our soulmate in every aspect, but I still do. How would I feel if I died and hadn't truly loved and been loved and took a chance on that love? Personally, there would be no comparison between that and not being the gb girl. It's like wanting a new outfit or needing to pay daycare...there is no comparison, and no choice really, not for me.


insolentone2 38M

5/11/2006 8:16 am

Well, as long as you feel passionate about it, and you believe it, then I say go for it. I do agree, when not in a relationship, I do some crazy sexual shit, and now in one.. We're more about other things that bring us close than the sex itself. Sometimes I feel like it doesn't matter what I might miss out on.. But sometimes.. I wonder....

rm_creepnldy replies on 5/11/2006 1:22 pm:
I never said that I don't wanna get freaky with him, though we will take breaks for nonsexual activity when we are together as well. All I was saying is that I don't need multiple partners to be happy. I really don't need sex to be happy, which is why a long distance relationship is okay for me, but when I do see him, he will need every ounce of energy that he can muster. I plan to make up for as much of the time that we can't be together when we can, though if I were able to, I would have make love to, have sex with, and fuck him several times a day, every day. (Note to Love: Did you get all that? *shit-eating grin*) And, insolentone2, I don't know why this happened, but I am glad it did and yes, I do feel very passionte about him. Thanks, sweetie. I can't help but wonder if your girlfriend is a freak...


insolentone2 38M

5/11/2006 8:10 pm

You better believe she is! And if she's not one naturally.. I've made her one!

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