Accidental Love (Long, sorry...)  

rm_creepnldy 41F
279 posts
4/10/2006 4:38 pm

Last Read:
4/19/2006 3:23 pm

Accidental Love (Long, sorry...)

How does someone get you to love him or her when neither of you are wanting that at the time. I keep a list of reasons why I cannot become involved with the men I see so that if, by chance, they are attractive to me on multiple levels and are “relationship material,” I can protect my heart and prevent myself from “falling.” I have come across so many people lately that do not understand that emotional is indeed the opposite of rational, and they have helped me to notice my own vulnerabilities regarding love.

I fall fast when I do fall, so even I have emotional weakness that I must remind myself to suppress. My weakness happens to be men who, on the surface, have no flaws, according to my requirements, and who I have to think really hard to come up with reasons I can’t be in more than a friendship and or sexual relationship with them. The funny thing is that these men don’t even usually realize that almost every woman who really gets to know them will fall in love with them--they are that great. They are not trying to play with our emotions–they are too gentlemanly for that–but they will never feel the same way about us that we do about them, either because they have been hurt so badly in the past themselves or because they just aren’t as into us as we are into them, for whatever reason.

The problem is that most women truly do want a relationship, but some of us have chosen not to lower our standards or requirements in order to be in a relationship–we would rather have no romantic involvement at all than to be involved with the wrong person or, perhaps worse, to be hurt. About 99% of the time, I am able to keep from “falling” for anyone–even the men who seem to have all my requirements, meet my standards, and rock my world sexually. As for the 1%, I just have to remind myself to refocus, make certain that I document (my list) something about them that makes them bad for me or us bad for each other, and remind myself that they don’t and can’t feel the way about me that I do about them. The last one is VERY important because if both parties don’t feel the same way, neither can truly be “in love.” Certainly, we can love someone who doesn’t love us–and I have–but, we cannot be “in love” with someone who is not “in love” with us.

I have loved and continue to love many of my friends with benefits, but because of either our lists or the fact that they did not reciprocate, the relationship could never be more. I have always wanted for them to have health, happiness, and love with someone whom they truly love and who will treat them the way they deserve to be treated. The following is about loving someone and having feelings for them that were unintended and not wanted. Whether the subject loves the speaker is not the issue because even if they both are “in love” with one another, it can never be. They are destined not to be together, but they can remain friends who care deeply for one another.

Accidental Love

I couldn’t help it
Despite our agreement
Despite my attempts to the contrary
It doesn’t matter anyway
It doesn’t matter what I say
I think you know how I feel
I think you know my feelings are real
I didn't do it on purpose; it’s not my fault

It’s because of who you are that you caught…
my attention
my affection
my devotion
my emotion

We both know that it cannot be
Regardless of what I see in my dreams
Regardless of what you might feel for me
Our fate has been determined by destiny
But that doesn’t mean I can’t care
That doesn’t mean we can’t be aware
Of the feelings we have but cannot share

I have to remember not to forget…
my decision
my reason
my determination
my documentation

No complicated relationship can ever be perfect
But, what we have is as close as it will get
Let’s just keep this rational
Let’s just keep this sexual
You need to be the strength on which I can depend
You have to remain only my friend
If I could create my ideal man
To you, he would bear a striking resemblance
Perhaps that’s the reason I can’t not ignore
The very rules I had set forth
regarding relationships

I must remember to forget
your warmth
your kindness
your patience
your generosity
your sensuality
the way you are when you are with me

My hope and prayer for you
Are that you find someone who will treat you the way you
Deserve to be treated and that she’ll be true
And love you for you…the way I do
No matter how you feel about me
Don’t feel obligated into reciprocity
And, please, if you find that you
Are having irrational feelings for me, too
Don’t ever say, “I love you.”


_Safira 54F
11260 posts
4/10/2006 10:02 pm

Semper letteris mandate is my motto, Darling. I feel that documentation is the key to success. It leads to very little ambiguity. I hope you enjoy this "old one" of mine:

4 AM

talkative but not talking; competitive but not competing; unique but indifferent;
productive but not producing; strong but lacking;
looking but not seeing; an introverted extrovert; assertive but not asserting;
creative but not creating; an achiever not achieving.
thought-filled but speechless; not a veteran but battle-weary;
listening but not hearing; tired but not sleeping; an optimist turned pessimist;
in a stupor but not stupid; alone in a crowd; a person without personality;
hungry with no appetite;
day after eternal day; imprisoned with no crime; hopeless yet hopeful;
a heart incapable of emotion; alive but not living;
it's 4 am ... have you seen my clothes?
i'd like to go home.

*gentle hugs*


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