The straight and the perverse  

rm_connor696 61M
944 posts
7/4/2006 9:09 am

Last Read:
7/22/2006 8:59 pm

The straight and the perverse

Are these two terms opposites, or are they one of those binary pairs, like "male" and "female," that seem to account for all there is to say about something but really don't?

If you take "perverse" in the sense of its etymological roots (i.e., "turned aside" or "twisted"), then yes, I suppose they are opposites. (Oddly, "straight" derives from a root akin to the German "strechen," meaning "to stretch"--something a lot of straight people might profitably do with their minds.) But of course that's not how people use these terms. The sense is metaphorical, and that's where it all gets ugly.

Straight: He sees a (moral?) goal and goes straight at it; she's a straight shooter; they are straightforward; let me get this straight. All these usages connote a value--really, a moral value. This is how we a should act and, more deeply, who we should be. Perversity, of course, remains negative through and through.

In their more literal, quasi-geometric senses, though, it's clear that the context will always determine the value of such terms and what they denote. A soldier who insists on taking the straight path will almost certainly get his or her ass shot off. This point is hardly new; the very first Taoist, Lao-tzu, knew that sometimes it is more profitable to yield, to step away from the straight line.

And so too with the metaphorical senses, for morality is, I fear, far less straightforward than we would like to think. The universe is morally ambiguous, if not flat-out amoral. And we can see this if we consider what the British philosopher Bertrand Russell called "irregular adjectives": I'm a straight shooter; she is candid; you use the truth like a blunt instrument. And ditto for perversity, of course: He is perverted; she is eccentric; I am open-mindedly playful. (Well I am, dammit!)

But mainstream society sticks to those mainstream evalutations, making perverts nasty, horrid creatures to be shunned and reviled. And we perverts feel the sting--which is why so many people hide their faces at this site and virtually all use screen names. We have too much to lose, because society is ready to take away so much we want to keep.

But it's deeper than that, isn't it? How many times have I been sitting with friends who utter derisive comments or make sniggering jokes about polyamory, orgies, fetishes simple and complex, and--the king of them all--homoeroticism, especially between men? (And no, adding, "Not that there's anything wrong with it" does not obviate the hostility; in fact, it just reaffirms it.) How many times? Too many, far too many. And I sit cowardly silent, even as I am cut to the quick that a friend would ridicule something I feel so deeply, intensely, and intimately. In some ways, it's like failing to call to account someone who makes racist remarks. (But only in some ways; racism add a whole other layer of crappiness.) Of course, my friends wouldn't dream of cracking a racist joke. But perversion remains fair game. And my silence makes me feel like a collaborator. Hell, it makes me a collaborator, since my fear of their opprobrium, their contempt, leads me to act as if I share all their noxious judgments. And then I do feel shame for betraying myself and so many others.

But I don't want to keep silent. I want to confront them, to say, "Hey, I'm a slut. Totally. And a pervert. It's part of who I am--a wonderful part--and if you can't tolerate that, then so much the worse for you." Yet I would lose a lot of friends by doing that and place a fence of awkwardness between many of the others who might not cast me aside but who would still retain their judgments--all the while insisting, "Not that there's anything wrong with it."

I hate it. I totally hate it. And I often hate myself for my cowardice, even though that cowardice parallels an all-too-human need for companionship, camaraderie, and respect. It's good to be here, on this site, but it's not the real world. And if I can't live as myself in the real world, then am I really living?

Sluts rule, is all. I hope I can someday defeat my fear, to overcome my capitulation to the judgment of others, which is so apt to produce shame. Our bodies are a wonderful gift, as are our minds. Put them together and--if you do it right--you get exquisite pleasure and passion beyond words. You get, that is, perversity. Et honi soit qui mal y pense.

I thank stlianna, who wrote a recent post that spurred me to articulate this train of thought.

rm_song2262 55F
643 posts
7/4/2006 5:17 pm

interesting thoughts connor. I spend a lot of time in the PNW chatroom and feel the same when I see the hatred spewing forth at a tranny that frequents the room. Yet they insist they are only using such words because the Tranny (often cruelly called IT)is not honest about her past and present, when initiating contact with potential partners. First, I cannot fathom any human being treated in such a way, regardless of their sexual preference, spiritual or moral values. Second, I cannot understand what gives them the right to judge anyone's actions and stick their noses in anyone's business. All in the name of saving some innocent dude from going down the *wrong* path? Third, if they were to reveal all persons who deceive others on this site by claiming to be something other than what they are, I daresay (sadly) there would be very few left. Any more I go elsewhere to connect with people, such as my recent visits to Blogville.
Yet these intolerant judging people are due their freedom of thought and speech, no? Just as your friends are due theirs as well? To speak of freedom on this day is something to ponder. I feel we are all on unique journeys designed to shape and mold us into becoming greater beings. I don't claim to always understand my own lessons, much less anyone else's! But there are so many more times when I discover with great surprise that I am living in real joy. My definition of joy is the freedom of expression without judgement, and the freedom of BEing without fear or guilt. I am creating life on my own terms.

Well, I guess I got off on a tangent. I hope some of what I said was meaningful. I'm wishing you - joy-filled and passionate living.

rm_rsp54 59F
531 posts
7/5/2006 7:22 am

So glad to see you again...Think of you often.

I have wrestled with this thought for a very long time. It seems that my lover is the only person, I have ever known who realizes that I am a slut, am proud of it, and he's proud of it also.

Society is too hung up on putting lables on people and behaviors. If something contributes to your make-up, and it is not in the realm of mainstream acceptence, you are considered a pervert. I know it has contributed to much angst in my life. I feel very saddened, quite often, because I have to live two lives. If only I had the strength to break free!!!
But say all of this, I must add that feeling this way has made me a much more tolerant person. When someone is dismissed by others as being a weirdo, pervert, too kinky, ect...I never dismiss them...I often befriend them!

rm_rsp54 59F
531 posts
7/5/2006 7:24 am

And, oh yeah...I forgot to of luck in your search, You look wonderful!

rm_connor696 61M
834 posts
7/5/2006 8:33 am

Hi, RSP--I happy to see that you're still your slutty self (but sorry to hear thast your situation hasn't changed). At least it sounds as if you and your lover are still putting grins on each other's faces and blushes to each other's cheeks!

florallei 100F

7/6/2006 2:30 pm

It stems way back in man's history to create these so called moralities...I can see why it was necessary but as anything with man they like to tighten the grip of their immorality ranks as if one has committed murder no worse mass murder...
I don't claim to be moral and if one really examines their thoughts and desires I dare to bet no one is able to stand alone.
It is true that it seems the majority of society frowns and judge those who are open or immoral and over the years as one hopefully gains some insight on life and our human nature that I am not as quick to judge but instead have a deep empathy for people and wondering and questioning what led them to this path...our motivation should always be to and love our fellowman but alas this is not the case because again we are quick to put others down and want to make a mockery of those who are in the minority.
Very interesting post and thank you for sharing it.

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