rm_cjcj9 42F
745 posts
5/10/2006 4:17 pm

Last Read:
5/13/2006 8:30 pm


I have been very nostalgic the last couple of days. I don't know if it is the strange occurences that have been happening, the music I have been listening to, or some cycle of life I am going through. I don't think I am old enough to go through a midlife crisis. Not yet, anyways. Mainly, I have been remembering old lovers, old crushes, old friends, or just random events of my life... Of course, the former lovers make the best and worst memories.

I remember my first true lover. I had been with a couple men (boys) before him. He was a Marine. I met him through a mutual friend. He was simply beautiful to me. In day to day contact, he was very reserved, but in bed he was amazing. He was aggressive and took what he wanted when he wanted. I liked that about him. Looking back on this lover, I remember him to be slightly sadomasochistic. He liked it rough, hard, and to the point that it would sometimes hurt. But, the more sexual side of me liked this. There was never anything loving or tender about being in his bed or anywhere else for that matter. But, I liked that, too. I always found the loving the hard part and the part that I could not maintain. With him it wasn't about that. Although I knew he did love me. He told me. I saw him a couple years ago. He is now 30 something and still not married. He came close one time but it didn't work out. Seeing him brought back that lustful masochistic side of me. He told me that he still wishes things turned out different between us and that he could still be in love with me. I could believe that, too. I remember he had a really hard time letting go of me. I was tired of waiting for him to come home. It got too lonely. But, the last time I spoke with him he told me had something to say. I knew that was when he was going to say those three little words. I told him not to say it. I warned him that he would change everything and to leave it alone. He insisted. Then he said it and I said good bye. I didn't want to be loved by him. In the end I guess it was me being the sadist. I have had other lovers that have been or tried to be aggressive, but, in my opinion, it isn't a role you can play it has to be in the personality.

I think for my next couple posts I will share with you my loves and losses.

rm_ChiRugger 44M

5/10/2006 5:59 pm

In my mind nostalgia is normal part of life. In my experience it occurs when I want a change, or need one for that matter. Whenever I become to comfortable with whom ever I am with I long for those loves of th past. In work when go through a period when I feel like my work is getting the best of me I long for simpler days when I wasn't self-employed, and someone other than me had to make the tough decisions.

rm_loverboy2714 40M
5 posts
5/10/2006 8:30 pm

Such a mystery making up a girl

rm_tommyv692005 48M
23 posts
5/11/2006 2:00 am

I always thought it was a good idea to occasionally take a walk down "memory lane". Our triumphs and failures combined with what we learn from them and the pain we endure is what makes us who we are....and defines us. I think this is especially true when it comes to past and even present lovers.

rm_bluedog4791 43M
74 posts
5/13/2006 5:49 pm

I do the same thing from time to time, both in an excercise of improving on past mistakes and as a means of just enjoying "the good ol' days" in my mind. Sometimes, though, it becomes a mental struggle to not want to shun my current, boring family life to try and relive. That is a silly notion given my current life and status but sometimes is so tempting to consider.

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