rm_cjcj9 42F
745 posts
9/6/2006 6:18 am

Last Read:
9/8/2006 12:24 pm


I was thinking, as I got ready for work this morning, about how people affect the way we are. Specifically, old lovers/boyfriends/girlfriends and the people who shaped what we look for in a lover/partner today. Although there are exceptions, the majority of us here are looking for something that we don't have.

For example, when I was 16 I had a boyfriend who hit me one time standing in front of a blockbuster. I made the decision that it would never ever happen again. But, I assigned traits to him that if I saw a glimpse of that in any other man it was an automatic response for me to assume he would like to hit women (I still do this with other men I meet), too. Now, I am not saying that it is right and that all of the traits that I saw in him were attributed to him being the way he was.

It can work the other way, too. I had a boyfriend who was a great guy and that influenced me to look for the traits I saw in him that I really liked. So, my question to you is, is there one person out there (or more) that has influenced what you look for and the relationships you have? Tell me about it.

ZZ_Todd 60M

9/6/2006 8:17 am

Yes, definitely. Like you and some others I've seen post on the same subject, our "ideal persons" really are a blend of all the people we've known over time. Maybe that's why it's sometimes so difficult to find an ideal person, since each of us are so unique, and often times unwilling to settle for less than what we think we're looking for.

MillsShipsGayly 52M

9/6/2006 9:54 am

very interesting question ...

I suppose no matter how you look at it .. who you are today is in part a function of all that has happened in your past ...

I guess we all are guilty of stereotyping and/or projecting things onto others ... hmmm .. and they sometimes call that 'baggage'

Thinking as typing ... NO .. I don't think I project traits onto new lovers .. though I definately do that in the work environment where quickly sizing up others happens out of the sheer numbers ...

But for lovers, close friends, perhaps I am more objective

I am sorry to hear about the violence you have suffered .. hugs

rm_talktame44 57M
63 posts
9/6/2006 11:27 am

Can't say I really assign traits....good or bad. But I tend to know whether I'll get along with a person or not.....and I can't really say what that thing is....but I know. The things I tolerate or don't are defined by who I am and standards I set. Certain things I will never tolerate.....and other things are just differences they don't really affect me.

rm_ChiRugger 44M

9/7/2006 12:30 pm

The traits that really turn me off are trita that remind me of my mother. She could not balance a check book, or be on time for my 8th grade graduation. So money matters, and timelyness rank high.

Other traits include:
Yellers, I can't deal with women who yell, I had an ex who only knew how to yell.

Lazy slugs, Dated a women who never wanted to go out.

But traits which I like are:
Sexually expressive
sense of humor
and a bunch of other stuff that everyone says they want.

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