St. Patrick's Day Preparations  

rm_cant_be_true 39M
431 posts
3/11/2006 8:08 am

Last Read:
3/15/2006 8:40 am

St. Patrick's Day Preparations

St. Patty's Day is big to me, it's probably my favorite holiday. I start preparing for it weeks in advance and now the time is almost here. What's there to prepare for you ask? Well there's not a whole lot to do physically to prepare, all you need really is some corn beef, cabbage and potatoes and boil it in a pot (take the gold out of the pot first). By the way don't tell anyone that I gave away the secret Irish recipe just there. And in terms o' liquor it can be bought the day of I suppose (I prefer a couple days before just to be sure, but that's just me). Mentally though there's a lot more for me to do. I mean I just can't let St. Patty's Day just spring up on me without warning.... this is part of the reason why I don't shave my face starting March 1rst so that I can gage when St. Patty's Day is here (calendar? I don't need no stinking calendar... I have a stubble that means it's tuesday!) The other reason I don't shave is that I need my St. Patty's Beard to be in full effect. There is some trimming done along the way, and especially the day o' to get rid of the mustache part and just have the official Irish beard, which in case you haven't seen it, is fairly similar to the ghetto line that hoods like to have except it's a much thicker line. Anyways enough grooming talk, I need to get back to the corn beef and potatoes of my post (get it, corn beef and potatoes? like meat and potatoes but with an irish twist? well screw you then, I liked it)... So the beard is for time, and time is necessary to prepare my plan of attack. Plan of attack? Yes that's right... you see too many rookies go out on St. Patty's Day and think they can party all day long drink a dozen Guinness and have 8 shots of Jameson and wind up puking on my shoes and making me spill my Guinness. OK I just lied about the spilling of my Guinness, that just doesn't happen. But you can't just show up at a Pub and get wasted the day o', you need to get yourself into tip-top drinking form. I have decided to try and help you with this preparations and out of the kindness o' my heart I will share my work-out routine o' the next week:
Saturday - If you want to wear something green on St. Patty's Day, get it out now... you won't have time for it later on in the week. Today go about your normal drinking routine, but get your good drink on, don't half ass, this is important. Trust me.

Sunday - Feeling ok this morning? Stay away from the asperin, start the morning with a shot, maybe a mimossa if you like champagne. Then you need to practice kissing Irish People for at least 15 minutes, so pucker up. Done? Good... now turn on whatever pop radio station comes in the clearest and have a shot every time you hear a song that you think is overplayed. After about 25 minutes you should be feeling pretty tipsie... and by the shadow of my beard I can tell that it's about 1pm which is a good time for a nap. Don't set the alarm, your bladder will tell you when it's time to wake up. When you do relieve yourself, continue the rest of your evening with the same drinking routine you did last nite.

Monday - Good morning sunshine! Wow that was some nite, I can believe you actually let me... nevermind, not important. Look at that... just 2 days and I've already helped you upgrade your drinking game a ton. No time to celebrate the accomplishment though, there's still a lot to do. Now grab yourself a double shot of Jameson to start the day, I don't care if you like whiskey or not, it must be done... O' you have to work? No you don't soldier, you should have taken a vacation this week but you must have forgotten what week it was. That's ok, call work after you do your double shot and let them know a good friend has passed away, they don't need to know that the good friend was sober you and that sober you is dead for a week. Now good the responsibilities are taken care of... o' if you have kids just put them to bed for a week. Back to training... First set your alarm for 6pm, otherwise you probably will piss the bed... now remember that radio station from yesterday? Of course you don't... well try and call a radio station for a half hour and have a shot for everytime you get a busy signal... if you do happen to get through request the macarena and do a shot for every time you did that stupid dance. Hey I don't make the rules.. ok maybe I do, so follow them. Hammered now? Ready to pass out? One more shot of Jameson before you land on the bed. Good it's 7:17pm and you're kinda up (I knew you would hit the snooze button a couple times), is your throat a little hoarse? Coat it with some Bailey's, heck have some ice cream with Bailey's poured over the top. And wash down your ice cream with a pint o' Guinness. There now you're feeling better. Now continue with those pints o' Guinness for the rest o' the nite while you try to remember the words to "Danny Boy."

Tuesday - Wow, it's 7:17pm again. Good thing you had that alarm set or it would be Wednesday already and you would have missed a day of training. First things first, in your drunken stooper last nite you put on the outfit you wanted to wear for St. Patty's Day and smeared hot fudge all over it. So please pick out a new outfit to wear for Friday and while you're at it pick out some new clothes for today too and take a shower please. You've been wearing the same thing since Saturday. Hey before you jump (ha like you're able to jump at this point) in the shower, grab two bottles of Smithwick's and enjoy them in there. First drink the beer in the bottles, then do whatever it is that your twisted mind wants to do with those bottles, make it quick though. Now no time for games, just grab the bottle o' Jameson and position yourself in bed with the bottle. Take sips of the bottle and put the cap on. You're going to pass out at any...

Wednesday - ... then I flipped the drunk over and... o', the drunk's awake let me call you back later... Wow you're looking... just wow. Congrats you woke up before the crack of 4pm, and you are actually starting to sweat green. These are good signs that you are becoming a master binger, way to go... simply a natural. Now how many fingers do you think I'm holding up? Now add 1 to that and do that many car bombs right now. Whatever number you came up with plus 1 should equal 2, your brain can't be that useful right now. Then just start drinking... o', you say you've been drinking for 17 gazillion days already? Good for you, just continue on.

Thursday - The day of rest... Refraim from drinking, just sleep all day long. This may seem weird to say especially since you may start to experience the shakes when your body realizes that you haven't fed it alcohol by 3pm, but let the urge grow inside of you. It will make you that much stronger tomorrow when you unleash to the world your new drinking abilities. It may be a rough day, but you can do it. Open up those bottles o' whiskey today too and smell them, do not drink them, but become one with them in spirit. And drink lots of water and gatorade... get your body well hydrated.

Friday - The Big Day is here! Start the day with a couple deep breaths and then go for it. I trust you are now capable of handling yourself in a respectable manner. The force is strong with you. If you do start to lose control though, please stay away from my Guinness.

I have no clue what I'm suppose to be celebrating (something to do with a potatoe or a snake, maybe Lucky Charms cereal and a rainbow?), but I know how I'm celebrating and that is what is most important to me. So how will you be celebrating? What? You don't know yet? Well laddie, get off o' your blarney stone and getta going...

O'.... I hit the poll button, jeeze sometimes I just get on a rant and I forget what my point was... o' well.... Which libation are you most likely to consume St. Patrick's Day? There now it's a poll...
Whiskey: Jameson, Bushmills, whatever as long as it's Irish Whiskey
Beer: Guinness, Smithwick's... just keep filling my pint
Irish Cream: Bailey's or any other
Just one, fuck that, bring on the car bombs!

pragmaticCTcpl 62M/51F

3/11/2006 12:31 pm

cant be true - "Irish Cream: Bailey's or any other" has my vote !!

I'm the irish lassie of the couple...would it count if MY Irish Cream was consumed?

NSAAddict 43F

3/12/2006 6:53 pm

Excellent post CBT, as a non-Irish person, I can see it's not easy being green. I started your regimen on Thursday, figured I needed a head start since I don't have an Irish bone in me (leaving myself wide open for that joke... lol, that's right I said wide open) but alas (a lass... get it??) by Sunday, I was done for. I realized I can't drink all week, I'd die. So on St Paddy's day, I will go out with my Irish friends, sip my Guiness and McCaffreys Irish ale (if I can find it) and leave the binging to the pros. Happy early St. Patrick's Day to you!

Transblucency 45M

3/14/2006 5:51 pm

What was your mood on this day, hmmm? Is there a reason you didn't fill in your moodicator? Was your mood so outlandish that there wasn't an appopriate noun?

I must know!

rm_cant_be_true 39M

3/15/2006 8:25 am

pragmatic: Yes, but it better have alcohol in it

rm_cant_be_true 39M

3/15/2006 8:32 am

NSA... ohhh dam... leaving yourself open for an Irish bone.... if only I weren't so dam impotent from all that binge drinking I've been doing this week I might be able to cum up with something good for you... but alas (hehehe) it just may have to wait a wee bit longer if you can just hold that pose I should be sober by monday.

rm_cant_be_true 39M

3/15/2006 8:40 am

Transblu... There are times in a man's life that he just can't fully explain with words how he feels deep inside. When I posted this blog I scanned through the moodicator looking for how I felt, but alas (hehehe) I did not find what it was. But it definetely was not because the blog took so darn long to compose that I simply forgot to pick a mood, no that would be too simple. I will now try to explain how I felt...

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...and that is how I felt!

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