WOMEN! Sort yourselves out will you!  

rm_byron1724 54M
42 posts
9/27/2005 7:26 am

Last Read:
2/11/2008 8:06 am

WOMEN! Sort yourselves out will you!

Sorry, just having a rant - had an argument with my girlfriend last night over NOTHING - or it may bave been about shoes. Seriously please learn a few basic rules when dealing with us poor and simple men, such as:

1) If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
2) Sometimes, we're not thinking about you.
3) Saturday = Football. Let it be. (although sometimes Wednesday Night = Football too, and sometimes Sunday, and Monday night too - it depends who's playing)
4) When Everton get beat (again), I'm going to need some quite time so its best to leave me alone. You telling me its just a game does NOT help.
5) When we are going out somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
6) ASK for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints DO NOT work. Just say it!
7) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8 ) Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to have an in depth discussion on such topics as where does belly button fluff come from, 4-4-2 v 4-5-1, or what is the best flavour for crisps?
9) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
10) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
11) If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we definitely meant the other one.
12) You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
13) We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
14) If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong (actually we know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle to keep asking)
15) Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult. We are bound to miss sometimes.
16) Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.
17) Whenever possible, please tell us about Julie/your mother/coronation street's* new boyfriend/cat/coat* during commercials (delete where applicable).
18 ) Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.
19) You have enough clothes.
20) You have too many shoes.
21) Crying is blackmail.
22) No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. If you want us to remember its your birthday or our anniversary then remind us nearer the day.
23) Most guys own three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
24) Check your oil.
25) Men only see 7 colours. Peach is a fruit, not a colour.
26) If it itches, I will scratch it, regardless of where we are.
27) If it's OUR house, I don't understand why MY stuff gets thrown in the attic!
28 ) Nothing says I love you like a blowjob in the morning
29) We're never thinking about "The Relationship". We think about moments and events with you
30) Women who wear plunging neck lines, low-cut blouses and Wonderbras lose their right to complain about having their breasts oggled

Girls - please read this list and take it in.

Guys, please feel free to add anything I've missed!

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