Not much to say today  

rm_bucfannn 62M/61F
1805 posts
5/31/2006 5:21 am

Last Read:
10/24/2006 9:01 pm

Not much to say today

I'm just over the bullshit...

Let me 'splain. I've always been the type of person to wear my heart on my sleeve. Always have been. A lot of times, having said heart visible, I get hurt.

Now, maybe I'm just a bit more sensitive than the average person. Probably so. But, that's just my genetic makeup. Out of the three kids in my family, I'm the tender one. Most of the time, it's a curse.

When I give in friendship, I give 200%. I have a few friends that have been in my life over forty years. A couple of them, damn close to fifty years. Now, we may not talk too often, but, that doesn't alter the fact that I still love them and care about them. AND, I will do ANYTHING for them.

That's just how I am.

So, a couple of weeks ago, I get an email from a friend of mine. We became close doing feline rescue a few years ago. Did a lot of things together, and had fun. Last year, my life changed. It was actually for the better. She became very threatened by what was going on, and sent me an EMAIL, (yes, an email), telling me that since my life had turned to a new direction, she no longer wanted to be my friend.

Sigh. And, she didn't even have the balls to say this to me in person.

Ok, so yes. It hurt. I had once again opened up to a female, and, she shit on me. This had happened to me about 8 years prior, and I had decided that my male friends were enough for me. At least, they don't pull that crap.

But, anyway. That was last September. When she sent that email. A few months later, she apologized and wanted to be friends. OK. That was fine with me, but, I had lost the trust factor. I still enjoyed her company, but, I refused to get sucked back in. (My distrusting side, doncha know).

Probably proactive on my part.

Two weeks ago yesterday, I got another email from her. Because I haven't been around much, (working sixty hours a week, and trying to have a semblance of a social life), she told me, (once again), she didn't want to be friends. "We have grown apart"... yada yada yada. But, this time, she was nasty. Extremely so.

So, I waited til I wasn't purple with rage to answer the email. Two weeks, as a matter of fact. Then, I let her have it. With both barrels.

Shit on me once, and I'll clean it off. Shit on me twice? I'll throw it right back into your face. Period.

I'm pretty easy going. I'm a good friend to those I consider friends. I'm loyal, trustworthy, generous, giving, and FUN.

But, it takes a long time for me to trust. For some Godforsaken reason, I hate having my heart twisted. Ya know, it really hurts.

rm_ohsolustful 59M
859 posts
5/31/2006 6:12 am

Awwwwwwwww Sweetheart, warm up, I can't have you feeling cold!!! If it makes you feel any better, I am thinking of you. Lots of warm passionate lustful thoughts too. OHSOinspiring ones. They will be brightening up my day, putting a lil spring in my step, not to mention that OHSOwonderful tingling sensation down there where it counts. best wishes to ya......See ya in my daydreams xoxoxoxoxo

rm_bucfannn replies on 5/31/2006 10:32 am:
Your comments always makes me smile

Thank you, sweetie

HeardLankaMalls 56M
2925 posts
5/31/2006 12:44 pm

It sucks that she blamed you Fann for her own insecurities. I know I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I'm usually the one to shrink away quietly when I perceive (usually wrongly) that I'm 'in the way' or a 'third wheel'. I wonder if she was trying to protect her own self by striking out at you when your life had changed (as you said, for the better).

It's a shame your friendship had to come to the conclusion it did. Just remember that you are who you need to change for others

And I think you're a pretty nice person

rm_bucfannn replies on 5/31/2006 1:10 pm:
Thank you Chris. Yes, I think it was insecurities as well as jealousy. I hold grudges, so, I think that that is why I really didn't get close with her after the first time. Her "dumping" of me came at a REALLY bad time in my life. And, it really hurt. So, what she did 2 weeks ago, just solidified my feelings all the way around.

And, thank you. You're pretty special yourself...

peaches19555 62M

5/31/2006 1:01 pm

sweetie, just think of her as your opportunity for graciousness...for is it not easy to love the lovely

if she feels she has gained any advantage let her find later that it was always a gift

rm_bucfannn replies on 5/31/2006 2:11 pm:
Good advice, as usual, luv. She does think she got the better of me, and that's ok, too. I'm to the point that she really doesn't matter to me anymore. Her email proved it.

AltumHunksUnite 54M

5/31/2006 1:10 pm

Geez, what is it with people who throw away a friendship as if it was a used Kleenex?

You don't need her. You can do better.

Let me drive. I like the view

rm_bucfannn replies on 5/31/2006 1:14 pm:
Cleavis. As you are well aware, I HAVE done better

Joining TASA was one of the best things I have ever done. Such WONDERFUL people. Including yourself. I am proud to call you my friend...

Thank you, truly....

softnlush 54F

5/31/2006 7:37 pm

Fuck her..not literally..that is just messed do not need that kind of negative energy in your may be hard..but it is for the'sho'


rm_bucfannn replies on 5/31/2006 8:01 pm:
It's not hard at all. I hold a grudge, so, I was still pretty guarded after what she did to me last fall.

I have NO room in my life for petty jealousies, nor bullshit. She has plenty of both...

brute472 75M
3480 posts
5/31/2006 11:10 pm

Another stone in the pathway of life and now you can step all over it.
You are too nice to have people like that in your life better off without her and if it happened to me I would react pretty much the same way.Be careful from now on who you put your trust in.

rm_bucfannn replies on 6/1/2006 7:12 am:
I am nice, dammit

But, yes, this goes without saying. Eyes wide open will be my mantra...

tut1117 73M  
452 posts
6/1/2006 2:53 am

bucfannn, I have found over time it is easier to just have acquaintances as opposed to friends, to much work to develope a friendship which is truly that, someone to share your inner thoughts with. Oh yes, I have some friends, but as you say it takes years of trusting, and true friends are just that, sticking with you through thick and thin (and paying when you misplace all your plastic). I also think that in today's society people do have as someone above said people treat friendship as a used tissue, we are just a very mobile society and moving on, we think, has no consequences, but when you turn around and all your friends are missing, you wonder what happen to couldn't be me, the blame someone else syndrome. It is easy to see from your writings that if you ever become someone's "friend" that person would be most blessed.

rm_bucfannn replies on 6/1/2006 7:13 am:
Yep. I know of what you speak, Tut. Sometimes, I give of myself too freely. But, being prudent in the future, is my next course of action

imLadyBambi 59M/51F

6/1/2006 6:24 am


Yes it does hurt when someone you like treats you like a dog, like you have no feelings.

But, good for you for letting her have some of her own shit!!

But don't give up, there are some really nice women out there.

Lady Bambi

rm_bucfannn replies on 6/1/2006 7:17 am:
Thank you Bambi

I know there are wonderful women out there. I've met a few. Usually, I try to go with my gut instinct, though. When I first met this "person", we hit it off very well, very quickly. What she did last year, left me reeling. Came out of the blue. So, when she did it again, I wasn't surpirsed, at all.

Ah well. I've made a few close friends in recent months, that have NO expectations whatsoever. And, that makes it so very nice. I can be me, without fear of reprisal...


rm_Kingcat4U2 66M
2799 posts
6/1/2006 4:16 pm

You have my sympathy, that's an emotional roller coaster ride no one needs in our search for smooth sailing. I can't help but think it's got to be easier to be a guy. For starters, no guy is going to go to the trouble of writing an email. Second, he'd just say it to your face, you'd punch him a couple of times while he's trying to whack you back until you're both out of breath. Then it's off to get shitfaced and forget the whole thing. See how much better I've made you feel already?
Hang in there kiddo, God doesn't close one door without opening another.

rm_bucfannn replies on 6/1/2006 9:26 pm:
Thanks, babe. Men do not USUALLY let petty shit get in the way. That's why I only have a few female friends. I prefer males, more often than not, as my friends. There is usually no pretence. As how it should be... However, with that said, the female friends I have made recently, are very cool. Very together, and confident in themselves.

rm_ohsolustful 59M
859 posts
6/2/2006 10:20 am


rm_bucfannn replies on 6/3/2006 9:07 am:
sigh. I know....

gent4u813 63M

6/4/2006 6:41 pm

It is really tough when a long time friend just dumps on you... If people would just turn off the judgemental crap, the whole world would be a happier and healthier place. Just move on, send the e-mails to the bit bucket...

As for men being less petty... I dunno. I have seen some petty shit! But in general I guess the threshold is higher. But when men get into it... they really get into it!

Like someone else said, don't stop trusting... just guard youur trust carefully.

rm_jami95 67M
69 posts
6/25/2006 11:05 pm

Ahhhh forget it..... I never did like her anyway.....

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