Sweeping layoffs to hit washington  

rm_avezes2004 49M
2 posts
7/28/2006 10:20 am
Sweeping layoffs to hit washington

Sweeping Layoffs Hit Washington
As mis-reported by David Dominick

In a press conference today President Bush announced sweeping layoffs promised to hit every area of government.

With the National debt approaching the 9 trillion mark, the cost of wars around the world rising and the GNP plummeting, President Bush, today, took drastic actions to slow the bleeding.

“Effective immediately, the US government will be reduced to a bare bones operation. Superfluous offices will be dissolved, and wherever possible redundant organizations will be consolidated. This will begin with The multiple organizations we have to protect the security of Americans. The NSA will take over all functions for the FBI, the CIA and Homeland Security. Next, the so-called balance of powers. Congress and the Supreme Court fulfill roles that can be easily consolidated into the executive.” Press Secretary Tony Snow explained this afternoon.

In response to this news, Senator Joseph Biden (D ‒Del) stated, “Fuck this Im moving to Amsterdam!”

When later asked about his comments, Senator Biden replied, “I apologize for my earlier remarks. They were emotional and un thought out. What I truly meant to say was fuck all of you. I am moving to Amsterdam.”

Replying to rumors of a coup, Senator Bill Frist (R ‒ Tenn) stated, “This is clinically the direction our nation had to take. Consolidation is a good thing and I support our president and CEO in all he does. Naming Jeffrey Skilling as the Director of Expansion to head all areas involving the spread of democracy was a natural selection. This was not a coup. We had been discussing this in closed sessions in both the Senate and the House for months. The president has the full support of the majority of former congressmen.”

When asked about the constitution, President Bush retorted, “The constitution of this great nation was designed as a fluid document. It was meant to change and flow like… fluid. This is why we can make these changes during a time of war. We need to focus on the threats to our American way of life and pursue those to the corners of the world. This, this Joining together or consolidation if you will of the forces of government streamlines the United States govenrment so we can be more efficient. It is like an airoplane. If you have three fusa fusa bodies to it it flies funny, but combine those into one fusa fusa, body then it flies straight, fast and high. That is the new USA we are straight, fast and high.”

Become a member to create a blog