Untitled Meanderings  

rm_aranayd 47M
898 posts
8/28/2006 11:07 pm

Last Read:
9/5/2006 12:13 am

Untitled Meanderings

8-28-06
The rambling crap that follows is something that happened to me earlier tonight. I wrote it in one shot as a way to calm down from the anticipation you’re about to read. I did it for me, but when I looked back at it, I thought I should share. I’d bet this same thing has happened to a lot of people who are looking for something more than just chat-friends and blogging here. As you can tell, I’ve been playing around with the “controls” for blogging, so I even managed to post it in the font I normally use while writing. I haven’t changed a word since that moment, though. For some reason, editing it seemed wrong. This is exactly how it came out.
I’m a little leery about posting it, too. I don’t want to scare her (or anyone else) off. Still, it is what it is, and I’m an honest kind of guy.

When it strikes, I don’t jump. “You’ve got mail!” the stupid voice calls, reminding me of that character on ‘Crank Yankers.’ I sit calmly, expecting mail from yet another spammer. A few minutes pass, my story falters. Why not check that mail?

Restoring AOL from its minimized state, I click to open my mailbox and my heart stops beating. It’s from HER! The fantasy that I never allowed my fantasy to touch. The impossible dream I wouldn’t let myself dream. Perfect in almost every way.

Before I allow myself to devour the words she has written me, I have to pause. I have to capture this moment; the raw anticipation, the utter surprise and shock I feel at seeing that name in my mailbox. I have to temper my enthusiasm, calm my racing heart. She just has me so excited that I can’t breathe. So lost in my imagination that it hardly matters what happens if we meet. Just knowing that I’ve inspired some of the reactions from her that she claims I have, is enough to thrill me. I am aching to open that letter, rip the metaphorical envelope off it and eat the words with my eyes. To know how she reacted to my last musings. My latest, wholly-heartfelt attempts to give her the sense of who I am as a lover. To entice her to want me without ever making myself into something I can’t live up to.

I may claim, even to myself, that it doesn’t matter if we meet, and I know I will get over it if we don’t, but I am soooo hoping that we do. I hope this one works like it seems to be. I hope she is all that she claims. And yet, I refrain from hoping at all. I want to know so bad I can almost taste it, but I dare not hope too much. If at all.

Okay, now I can go see what she has to say.


twirly_girl 48F

8/30/2006 6:14 pm

Hmm... so yer just gonna leave us hanging?
I hate to be left hanging.


She should feel special to read how you expressed
your excitement. It was very well put. I almost
felt like it was for me.

*sigh*

-Nikki


rm_aranayd replies on 8/30/2006 6:25 pm:
Who says it wasn't for you? And yes, I am going to leave you hanging. I live to tease.

twirly_girl 48F

8/30/2006 6:47 pm


Torture, huh?
Don't make me unleash my evil pussy on you!


-Nikki


rm_aranayd replies on 8/30/2006 6:56 pm:
Don't bring that thing to my page. Evil is not allowed here unless it comes from me.

(Just kidding. You, and your evil pussy, are welcome ANYTIME!)

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