You can't run away...  

rm_abutoo2 45M
708 posts
8/15/2006 6:47 pm

Last Read:
8/18/2006 2:42 pm

You can't run away...

Dear Brandy,

I ran today. All day long. lost in my isolation. I ran for 4 miles literally. I called my son. That's right, you don't even know that they're gone do ya? So, I called him up. I asked him if he got his Pa Graham. LOL, The little munchkin "I spanked his butt." Yeah, that's my boy.
I went to bed at 4 in the afternoon. Trying to run away from life, from my lonliness. I don't usually dream, but this afternoon I did. I dreamed of you. Don't ask me why I'm dreaming of you. But I did.
You came back. In my dream, we were together again. It seemed like we were on a ranch out in the country. Lot's of green Oklahoma fields, small rolling hills, farm ponds, and fences. Horses, cows, chickens... and a cattle dog loping along inside of those fences.

I got to lay with you.
I got to Lie next to you and hold ya again.
I got to wake with your head on my chest.
I got to hold your hand.
I got to stand behind you with my arm wrapped around you.
I got to lose myself in your scent.
I got to be with you again.

I remember in my dream that we were sitting on a couch together. You leaning up against me. Watching TV.
At least in my dream, I got to have your love for a little while longer. Funny thing about dreams isn't it? I remember the end of the dream too. More than anything else I remember the end.
'Cause once again, at the end of my dream... I watched you walk away from me. I don't remember seeing you look back in my dream either.
I guess I know that I can't ever count on you to be there. Funny thing... funny thing. I don't normally remember my dreams.
Can't run away from the lonliness in my life either. But I don't know what else to do. I just know that I don't want to do something that I'll end up paying for. I'm still hurting from the last time you walked on me. But here I am, 6 months later... and I'm dreaming of you. Pretty fucked up thing ya know? To love someone that doesn't give a shit about you. But what do ya do? Try and turn off that love for one person... and we might turn if off for everyone. I'd rather cry through the pain than not love at all.
So, Brandy, I'll still love you. Even though I know it's an exercise in futility. But I'll damn sure do it at a distance.
For now, I'll wait.
I'll wait for someone that can love me in return. For, just because I love others, doesn't mean that I don't love myself.


8/15/2006 7:04 pm

I hate that bad stuff happened to you. You are such a special person and I'm going to make it my prayer that you find someone who will love you like you deserve to be loved and be there for you forever! For now here's a hug . I hope it helps.

rm_abutoo2 replies on 8/16/2006 2:35 pm:
It helps, and thanks for the prayer

SingleNLooking72 107F

8/16/2006 6:19 am

You got to talk to your son, that's great. Does that mean that yahoo finally got their shit together? All I can say is that you know the pain eventually fades. Take it one day at a time.....

rm_abutoo2 replies on 8/16/2006 2:37 pm:
nah, yahoo didn't get their shit together. But they did, with no argument, refund my money. I did it the old fashioned way. I went to wal-mart and got a calling card and then I went to a contraption called a "Pay-Phone" Can you believe it's actually got a cord that goes to a big giant box???? wow!

GraspCrownRusts 47M
780 posts
8/16/2006 2:11 pm

Man, have I been there, dude. Wish I could give some words of wisdom. For once, I can't. I sucked at it big time - took me a solid year with her in my every waking thought. Ugh. I wanted away from those thoughts so badly too. But I wanted it all to be put back together again at the same time. What a mess. I'm with ya though.

rm_abutoo2 replies on 8/16/2006 2:40 pm:
yeah, wanting it back together.
But you can't go back ya know? and if you try...
well it's forced and comes out all wrong.
It's like when someone you don't like and that doesn't much like you offers you sympathy on your broken foot... your like "thanks (fucking liar)"
and they're like "oh seriously... I'm really sorry (I'm laughing my ass off you stupid moron)"

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