Who controls the relationship?  

rm_abutoo2 45M
708 posts
6/18/2006 4:02 pm

Last Read:
7/3/2006 11:04 pm

Who controls the relationship?

Ok, first off, relationship is NOT a four letter word.
Stop interpreting relationships to mean deep interactions with the opposite sex and we’re off to a good start. The key word in relationship is relations. In other words, “relationships” define our ongoing interaction with every person that we meet continually in our daily lives. Everything you do, casual sex, the clerk at the gas station, boss, co-worker, is a relationship. That may not be the proper way the word is defined but it’s going to work for my purposes.
Now the title… mmm control? Well, who does control the relationships that you’re involved in? With your… s/o, live-in, bf/gf, mechanic, dog, cat, kid, parents???? You fill in the blank. Who’s in charge? Well, in my life… it’s me. I’m the dictator here.
Does that mean that I try and control and dominate every one that enters my life? By no means. In fact not just no… but hell no. What is does mean, is that I set certain conditions and requirements for people to be involved in my life. And at different levels of friendliness and intimacy I expect different things. Do I try and change people to meet these requirements? Nope. Can’t be done. All I can do is communicate what it is I expect out of people in my life. And I’m not talking any unreasonable shit here either.
Some examples. Well, one reason I’m not in a committed relationship is because I’ll expect this woman to be my friend. And as such, she’ll have to respect that friendship and show respect and courtesy. LOL. In other words, she’ll have to be where she say’s she’ll be 90% of the time (hey, shit happens and nobody is perfect). I don’t expect people to do jack shit until they say that they will.
I’m that way. If I promise something, my word is given and it will be done. Commitment is no bullshit for me. A promise is just that. And I expect that the people closest to me will show me the same courtesy. Why not expect it if it’s the way I act?
Another thing I expect is cleanliness, a little bit of pride in themselves. Nothing unreasonable right?
The reason I’m pointing this shit out is because I cannot create this person from a pretty woman. In fact, it would be easier to create a pretty woman that already has the qualities I want. I have no power to make people do anything or be anything.
So, if I have no power… how do I control the relationship? Simple. I decide who stays a central part of my life and who doesn’t. I’m not here to take a hostage. I’m here for friendships, great sex, and maybe ‒ God forbid ‒ the “one.” With that in mind it’s up to me to decide how far I intend to get involved with anyone. I don’t have to be angry, frustrated, or anything. All I do is worry about the way I act and what I bring to the world. Other people are responsible for their own shit. LOL.
So, don’t try to control, dominate, change, intimidate, persuade, cajole… just accept them as they come or tell them to go away. Oh, and mean it. When you say to them to piss off… make ‘em believe it and stick to your guns. Or… accept it ‘cause you’re volunteering it for it now.
Ok, anyway. That’s what I thought about as I pushed my semi down the road today. Happy Father’s day to all you Dad’s out there.


canuhandle1968 50F

6/19/2006 3:44 am

One of my favorite quotes is this: "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." I believe this, and as I read this entry of yours, I like how you think. I saw something the other day that was an incredible gift for me. I work in a nursing home... I see how our physical attributes fade, but have known some really awesome people in my line of work. I was on the back porch having a cigarette last week and a new couple that was admitted to the facility was sitting outside watching nature. She is in a wheelchair, he walks. They were sharing a Diet Pepsi... She dribbled a small amount of it on her chin, he stood up, wiped the soda off her chin, kissed her on the cheek and sat back down. I realized and thought to myself, "he must really like her", not thinking about love... I'm sure to have endured a marriage for such a long period of time, the love is a "given"... But to wipe soda off his wife's chin, he showed her respect, affection and a genuine "like". It touched me...


rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/19/2006 11:01 am:
that is cool that is way cool

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