Mr. Nice Guy???  

rm_abutoo2 45M
708 posts
6/27/2006 5:08 pm

Last Read:
6/27/2006 8:13 pm

Mr. Nice Guy???

I like to believe that I"m a nice guy. I am for the most part. I'm open and honest. I make people laugh most of the time. I offer to help quite a bit, provided I don't feel like they're people-users (yea, judgemental I know). And I really try very hard not to control other people.
Now, I didn't just write that so that I could pat myself on the back. The thing is, why do women seem to have so much trouble believing me at face value? Is it so hard to believe that I just want people to be happy? Whatever that is for them... It's not up to me to decide what makes another happy. But, at the same time, I'm not a people pleaser either. I won't make you happy to spite my own well-being.
Is it because I'm a man-whore? Well, I just don't want to be tied down until I meet someone whom I want to give the rope too. The reason I'm writing this is because it get's a bit old to hear "are you for real? or just playing me?" Well, both I think, lol. We're always on our best behavior when we're meeting a new person. Want to make a lasting impression right? It's not just that either. I really don't like to see people struggling through some shit where I know I can easily help. I know how bad it feels when life's got you by the balls and it's squeezing down.
The thing about offering help to folks that you don't know very well is that they're always interested in your motive. That'a good thing. Don't want to accept something if there may be strings attatched. Maybe accepting a gift obligates you to someone that you don't want to be obligated too. I can understand that too.
Whatever happened to unconditional giving? I learned from my Dad to never loan, or give another person something unless I was willing to never see it again. I've followed this principle for a while now. If I loan money to a friend, I'll never ask for it back. Never. Why? Because, I believe no amount of money is worth losing a friendship over. If he/she doesn't pay me back, well I just don't help them out in the future. I don't have to be a dick about it either, a simple "sorry man, can't help you here," works very well. I like to hlep other people simply because it makes me feel good to think I was able to meet a need that they couldn't get on their own. An honest to God, no strings attatched, just to help kinda thing. I'm straying a bit from my point and my question. What is it about being nice and civil that pushes people away? It seems to me that they're always waiting for me to unleash the asshole that I've hidden away inside. A Mr. Hyde that has to surface eventually. Is that the reason? Or they think that I'm just being nice because I want something from them.
I do want a couple of things from everyone I help. I want their life to be a little easier, if even for a moment. And I also want a thank you. After all, nothing is totally free, lol.
Maybe it would help others to know more about me. Mayb eif knew when they saw this guy who has obviously got most of his shit together, his little duckies in a row, that once upon a time he was waking up face down in the dirt. That I remember what it's like to have nothing. That I know how it feels to feel totally alone and terrified. I have never forgotten the bill collectors lined up outside my door. Who to pay this week... Sometimes, one act of random compassion from a total stranger, can change the rest of your life. I'd love to be that stranger for someone someday. Not a lofty goal, I know this. I'm never going to get a trophy for it. But I'll know. And I'll feel good, lol.
Guess I'm selfish after all

Addy19742 44F

6/27/2006 5:26 pm

If you feel good about it at the end of the day that is all that matters. I agree about the for real thing. I guess it goes back to the baggage blog you wrote about yesterday.

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/27/2006 7:31 pm:
yeah, we've all been played for a fool at one time or another.

canuhandle1968 50F

6/27/2006 6:10 pm

You know, more random acts of kindness would benefit us all... I've been on both ends of that spectrum... Both feel pretty damn good. I may have a few bumps in my "road of life", but at the end of the day I can look back and remember a smile that I passed along that someone gave to me first... look at my kids and listen to them breathe and know deep down the gift of them is worth everything. You are for real... Something as simple as cooking a meal, engaging in conversation, and rinsing a dish; these are all acts of kindness.

rm_abutoo2 replies on 6/27/2006 7:33 pm:
it's the small things that matter most I think. Being kind at a simple level every day is a lot harder than being kind on a large level every once in a while.

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