Strange Brew  

rm_aWench4U 62M/62F
210 posts
8/10/2006 4:09 pm

Last Read:
9/10/2006 1:09 am

Strange Brew

I have a very strange relationship with my ex. Well wait, technically he is “the Y” because he isn’t my ex Yet and whY the hell am I still married to him? Well, 35 more days and he will my ex. Anyway for reasons I don’t want to get into now (they may be another Blog someday), we have an unusual relationship. Last night is a perfect example. But a little background first.

I finished one of the toughest years of my life in May, earning my elementary teaching certificate. I’m now in the process of looking for work, so if you have any clout in hiring teachers, give me a shout. But I digress. . .

As part of the many graduation gifts he gave me (which is weird in its own right!), he bought front row tickets to the Faith Hill-Tim McGraw concert in Seattle last night. I was stunned! Do you have any idea what they go for??? After he filed for divorce in June, he reminded me the tickets were mine, and I could take someone else to the concert if I didn’t want to go with him. The last concert we went to together was awkward to say the least, and we were further apart now then we were back then. Well, the person I wanted to go with couldn’t go, so I gave the tickets back to him and told him to ask someone else to go with him. He said he forgot to ask around, but I think the person he wanted to go with wasn’t available either, so we ended up going together.

The concert itself was great! It was the first time I’d seen them in concert, and the first time I’d ever had front row seats. It was a different experience being able to see their facial expressions and even the color of their eyes! Several times they looked right at me–or at least I’m choosing to believe it was me. They put on an incredible two and a half hour show, and I should have thoroughly enjoyed myself. But I didn’t.

Have you ever noticed how many songs deal with love in one form or another? Half are of the “I’m so happy because this is the greatest thing that’s ever happened” genre and the other half are about love gone wrong and the aftermath. The “I’m so happy” ones made me sad because they reminded me of how I once felt about the Y and the love gone wrong songs made me sad because they were about what I’ve been going through for the past two and a half years. Well, in reality it’s been a lot longer than that, but it’s been far more intense in the recent past.

I want to maintain an amicable relationship with him for the sake of our kids (who are all grown), so everyone is as comfortable as possible when we have family gatherings. But I don’t want to spend any more time with him than is absolutely necessary. Isn’t that one of the universals in divorce? So why does he keep doing things that bring us together? How do I make him see that I feel nothing for him? Not love, not hate, not pity, not respect, not disgust, not regret. Just nothing. And I’d rather spend my time with someone who makes me feel something.

How do I politely tell him to back off? How do I make him let go? How do I distance myself from him without distancing myself from my children?

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


rm_hardone1488 57M
31 posts
8/11/2006 11:35 am

Been their been he guy just be true to your self honest give it time and all seems to work out for the best for all involved especially the kids

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