One Night Stands  

rm_aWench4U 63M/62F
210 posts
8/17/2006 2:08 am

Last Read:
8/26/2006 2:31 pm

One Night Stands

I was reading FantasyLover_05’s Blog [post 468137] the other day and it got me to thinking–now there’s a surprise, eh? Anyway, he was asking what made one sexually uninhibited, and one of his options was having a one night stand, or even multiple one night stands, I suppose. I do consider myself to be rather uninhibited, and it has nothing to do with ONSes. However, I have to admit that even though that was not my intention, I have had a few one night stands.

Before I go any further, perhaps it would be good to put forth a definition, so anyone reading this at least knows what I mean by the term ONS. First and foremost, an ONS is definitely casual sex. That said I believe that there are several categories of causal sex which fit under this term. First is the random person you meet at a bar (or wherever), get hot and heavy with and end up in bed together, never to see each other again. Next is the type where you’ve known each other in real life for a while and one day (evening, etc.) when you’re together, one thing leads to another and you end up in bed. For any number of reasons, it doesn’t happen again. Then there’s the person you met online, and you’ve gotten to the point where it’s time to meet in person. Maybe it happens the first time you meet, maybe a few times later, but in any event, you realize it’s not going to happen again. Okay, everybody good with the definitions?

I know I can’t speak for anyone else, but I never intentionally set out to have a one night stand. I mean, I think a bit more of myself than that image congers up. I’ve never had the random person you meet in a bar type of hook up. But I plead guilty as charged on the other types. With that as a preface, let me explain two of my most memorable ONSes.

I met “Brock” online quite a while ago. We chatted daily until we were quite comfortable with each other, and finally decided it was time to meet for coffee. If there was any doubt that the sparks from our chat sessions leapt into flames the minute our eyes met, that doubt was erased with the first kiss. It took a while to arrange a time to be together, but it was well worth it! My theory about the first kiss predicting later sexual compatibility was proven accurate again! So how did this turn into an ONS? Beats me! Last thing he said was I’ll call you tomorrow. This must be the longest night in history. When I tried calling him, he never picked up, and didn’t return my messages. Oh well, his loss.

The other one was a guy I met in grad school. The program was such that we had the same people in every class, so we got to know each other in depth. Well, “Kirk” and I had been flirting with each other all quarter. One day he made a comment that I took exception to, so I stuck my tongue out at him. He said, “Don’t show me that unless you intend to use it.” To which I replied, “Name the time and place, buddy!” Long story short, I made good on my flirting. We both thought this was going to be the start of something more than a one time deal, but somehow it never worked out again. The good news is we are still great friends. We still chat about once a week, and we’re each other’s biggest cheer leader when it comes to moving on in our lives. And if the opportunity ever came up again, well who knows what would happen?

So with all that as background, I have a couple of questions.

Have you ever had a one night stand?
Which category would it fall into?
Given the opportunity, would you have it be an on-going relationship?
Feel free to add anything else you’d like to share.

Remember the past but do not dwell there.
Face the future where all our hopes stand.


AstirRelicLatah 66M
1993 posts
8/17/2006 9:48 am

I have and they fall into all three. But, most of them were a long time ago. Even with a one night stand, there has always been an intense spark that happened. Otherwise, why bother?

IamWetFire 54F

8/18/2006 1:32 am

I've had 5 ONS in the 3.5 years since my divorce. . .and may very well be looking at my 6th. (We've IM'd, where he tersely asked me to come over at 9pm at night to give him a BJ. I did NOT and let him know why! Still no phone call!)

Angel, 2 of them were just the same as your experience with "Brock." The other 3. . .well, they were all so unspeakably horrible "in the saddle," that I couldn't even think of seeing them again.

Looking back on the quality of those 5 men, there's no way I'd want any sort of on-going relationship with any of them, sadly enough. And the 6th guy. . .we're not looking for the same things. I see that right now, even if he called and sent flowers tomorrow. Red flags are waving in my head.

One thing these experiences did teach me is that I prefer to be on a "good friends" basis with a man before having sex. Otherwise, when they don't call, I end up feeling used and discarded. . .which, actually, is what I am in those cases. And I've had enough of going out once with a man, being pressured to have sex the very next meeting, then never hearing from them again. Conversely, I'm also sick of being accused of playing games when I try to take it more slowly and get to know a man better before risking being the latest notch in his gun belt! Women cannot win. And if we complain. . .we're bitches.

rm_1spiderskiss 47M

8/22/2006 12:40 am

Ahhhhhh! Angel, you’ve completely destroyed the illusion surrounding my sexual prowess. By your definitions, I’m one-fer-three. Although, I give myself a pass on scenario three since, until very recently, internet hookups (or any external hookups for that matter) were out of bounds. But scenario one has me troubled. I've never found myselfin bed with a complete stranger after meeting them for the first time at a bar. Of course, this is LA and a guys gotta be careful, I mean anybody willing to jump in the sack after meeting me at the local watering hole is either:
1) bat-shit crazy
2) thinks I’m somebody else
3) is actually a man

fantasylover_05 63M

8/22/2006 11:57 am

Hey Beautiful

Personally I have never had any type of ONS no matter how you define it! LOL I do however understand and agree with your definitions.

I would also offer, just because someone has ONS's... does not mean anything derogatory about them.. it could be they are comfortable with themselves and it serves their purpose to do so.. in which case they may actually be a step above us all by knowing their own needs and doing what they need to satisfy that need... LOL LOL

Personally sex is not casual to me and I need some sort of connection to do it anyway... now that does not need be the "love of my life" connection (though for me that makes it all the better) but I do need some connection.

Good post... sorry I did not make it here sooner!

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