Old Stains  

rm_VoodooGuru1 50M
2116 posts
4/30/2006 6:48 am

Last Read:
5/6/2006 3:19 am

Old Stains

I have so many more readers today than I did when I started this blog, and for that I'm thankful, but this means that few of you read my older posts. There's some good stuff back there, and since I know people aren't likely to read from the beginning, I thought I'd occasionally post some "classic Voodoo."

Why not? Dave Barry gets away with it....

When masturbation's lost its fun

... You're fucking lazy!"

Well, I'm not lazy; I'm just not quite as autoerotically adventurous as I used to be.

I started masturbating to orgasm somewhere around the fifth grade. Yes, this was well before I hit puberty, but I was still climaxing... and ejaculating. But, because I wasn't producing sperm yet, it was a clear fluid, much like pre-come.

I learned to do this in the shower. Like a lot of women I've talked to, I found that the shower massage spray felt really good, especially on the really sensitive spot on the underside of my penis.

So, for the next few years, I really enjoyed myself in the shower, and was often yelled at by my parents for taking too much time/using up all the hot water. Back then, I could come lots of times sequentially; a normal shower was two or three times. One shower that I recall, I kept going... 'round about five or six, I decided to make a little game out of it, and see how many times I could come.

I made it to twelve shower-nozzle orgasms.

So then I hit puberty, and I'm a walking human hormone. I want to get laid so damn bad, but there weren't too many thirteen year old girls putting out.

I just wanted to know what it was like... what it felt like, what it smelled & tasted like....

So I start experimenting outside the shower. I find that my hand plus some lotion/baby oil/Vaseline felt pretty damn good. My favorite though, was the old Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil... you know, the stuff that smelled like coconuts and had a negative SPF value.

We had open lunch at my high school, meaning you could leave. My house was a short walk from the school, and one day I decided to go home for lunch and rub one out with the Hawaiian Tropic.

So, mission complete, I walk back to school and I've still got ten minutes before next period, so I go to the lunchroom and sit down at my regular table. Not a minute goes by before one of the girls says, "What is that?!? Something smells like coconuts!"

"I don't know, I don't smell it," I replied, my face beet-red.

I was at my grandmother's cottage one summer, and the only lube I could find was what I thought to be tanning lotion. It turned out to be QT Tan, and my left hand and my dick were stained orange for three weeks!

Then there was the article I read when I was about fourteen - a Playboy said you could stimulate your partner's yoni with a sliced apple. According to Ol' Hef, the flesh of the apple simulates a tongue.

Well, before you could say, "Jonny Appleseed? Meet Steve Jobs... " I was hard at work carving a hole through a Red Delicious.

Well, I fucked the hell out of that apple, but... it didn't work. It didn't feel like a tongue. It felt like... an apple.

So, constant reader, what is your experience with these matters? When did you discover that you could make yourself feel really good "down there"?

Did raging hormones or curiosity ever make you experiment with "props"? Ever suffer the embarrassment of being caught?

rm_rsp54 59F
531 posts
4/30/2006 1:13 pm

I can remember pre-puberty sitting in the bathroom(only private place with a family of seven kids), touching myself and knowing how good it felt. It was way before the word masturbation ever entered my vocabularly. I used to call my clit my "magic button". Many times my other siblings would have to use the facilities and get really pissed at me. They would bang on the door, but I wouldn't open the door until it felt really good.

When I was older, and i my own apartment, I had a similar affair with my shower massage. Just love it in water. Still do!!!!

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:19 am:
Mmmm... hydrogen & oxygen.

demonicsexkitten 43F
10689 posts
4/30/2006 1:54 pm

this is a funny story i suspect i did go back and read it cuz some of it sounds familiar. anyways...

i came very close to an orgasm once, while out walking. i was wearing tight jeans and they had twisted a little. somehow the thick spot where all the seems meet together was rubbing directly on my clit. But i was out in public walking... could'nt stop and fix my jeans. So kept walking. I was a fairly fast walking. I didn't quite orgasm... but the sensations hit so suddenly. I almost blacked out. Froze in my tracks and didn't move till i felt normal again. I think one or two more steps would have done it.

As for touching myself... I never did that till I was 20 or 21. Though there were a few times in HS that i was so sexually frustrated I'd cry myself to sleep with frustration for a week straight.

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:20 am:
You were so horny you'd cry? You poor girl.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/30/2006 5:25 pm

Yeah, ok, fine, I'll read it in a minute. But first...WTF is up with the Blog Title change?????? You give me three GREAT Blog Titles and you go with THIS??? (I'd put an LOL here, but you know how it is...)

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:28 am:
My blog title is Stained Sheets; I was bleeding in my sleep and woke to blood stained sheets, hence the temporary name. If you want to name your blog Vodka Stained Sheets, you have my blessing.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
4/30/2006 5:39 pm

OK, I read it. Aside from wondering about what kind of women you know ( Like a lot of women I've talked to, I found that the shower massage spray felt really good, especially on the really sensitive spot on the underside of my penis.) this was GREAT.

The old bonnet style hair dryers--
The hair dryer was a device that blew hot air into a type that connected to a cap thing that fit over the huge hair curlers that we used back then. It was noisy, burned the tops of my ears and just miserable in general. Couldn't talk on the phone while I was using it (real anathema to a teenaged girl) so I hated the damn thing. Until one day...

...I was laying on my bed, reading 16 Magazine, hairdryer on my lap, when I moved a little to reach my chips and dip and it sort of shifted down, between my legs-ish? Did I mention that those old hair dryers vibrated like crazy? Yep. Felt great, went with it, first orgasm.

I had very nice hair that summer.

On a separate note, at first I thought the first 2 posts were from the same person, only in a different mood.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:31 am:
Lemme guess... Peter Tork was on the cover of that 16 magazine?

The first one is a happy face emotitcon.

ArtisticTwist75 42F
2505 posts
4/30/2006 6:07 pm

I can relate to sexkitten. I was in my early to mid twenties before I discovered this perfectly wonderful passtime.


rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:33 am:
Mid-twenties?!? Someone tell you Baby Jesus cries everytime you touch yourself?

cuteNEway 42F

4/30/2006 10:46 pm

I didn't start doing it til I was 12! I hardly do it anymore, it doesn't help! Sometimes I'll give meself a lil rub there so I when I have trouble falling asleep. That's all it really helps me for anymore >>sigh<<

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:35 am:
It doesn't help... what? Therapeutic benefits are secondary; it just makes ya feel good, baby-pop!

MissAnnThrope 57F
11488 posts
5/1/2006 1:34 am

I was very young when I discovered it. I won't say how young. But a few years later when my mother caught me at it and told me, if I kept doing that, I'd get cancer, I was still prepubescent.

But QT, eh? I just want to know how you managed to explain the orange hand to everyone.

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/1/2006 4:39 am:
It was the summer, so I didn't have to deal with the locker room. The first two weeks I was at Grandmother's cottage, and she was kinda clueless, I just kinda hid from my family when I got home. No one ever said anything.

Cancer, eh? That's a particularly cruel one.

rm_1hotwahine 64F
21091 posts
5/1/2006 5:30 am

Lemme guess... Peter Tork was on the cover of that 16 magazine?

No, Davey (ugh) Jones was the cover boy for the Monkees; all 5'5" of him. It might have been slightly post-Monkees. Maybe the Beatles, or the cast of Dark Shadows.

Yeah, I'm still [blog 1hotwahine]

PrincessKarma 45F
6188 posts
5/1/2006 11:32 am

*giggle* If more parents knew what their kids do with shower massage nozzles, they'd be declared illegal. I started when my age first ended with a zero. Later on I discovered pillow-humping.

The Big Bang was the mother of all orgasms.PrincessKarma

rm_VoodooGuru1 replies on 5/2/2006 2:28 pm:

(Princess Lips)

5/4/2006 12:41 am

what? no WARM apple pie? lol


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