A Dream  

rm_Vitruvius78 39M
127 posts
8/26/2006 3:04 pm

Last Read:
10/27/2006 2:52 pm

A Dream

Its late, and I just came back from watching Pirates of the Carrebian with my favorite person in the whole world to watch movies with: my Ex.

I can not describe to you how it feels to be torn apart by two forces that are equally powerful and equally unkind. I speek of one's heart and mind, working against each other in a restless battle.

In my heart, I know I love this person. I crave her touch and linger over the thought of holding her once more. I live in a dream world where we are by some miracle living and working in the same place. A world where we are together, and where peole would let us be. A world less influenced by false notions of differentiation and disparity among people according to color, creed, or nationality. I dream of a world that would accept us for what we truly are, caring and hard working human beings that wish to live together and belong to the community they both grew up in and served so devotedly.

In my mind, I am forced back to the realm of how our world really is. Cold, indifferent, discriminating, and cruel towards those who belong to different religions and yet choose to be together.

To some of you reading this it might seem like a alien tune to sing. Perhaps you live in a place where people got over this ancient hangup and licked this problem ages ago. Or better yet, perhaps you were blessed by the love of someone that is deemed acceptable by your communities standards, whatever they may be. But to those of us living in this small stretch of land, this cage we are not allowed to escape and we still have the gall to love, matters of the heart are yet to be tested by such obsolete ordeals.

I will not go into the details of what makes our relationship such a taboo to some. In the end, think about it. If it was the world verses yourself you might stand a chance to win, but when it asks you to chose between the Love of your life and all your other loved ones, especially those with whom you have grown up and those who raised you, then it becomes a different matter altogether. Your heart stands frozen between the love that is, that was, and that which will be. It cannot reach one without losing the others.

The most inhumane cruelty does not compare to being forced to choose among loved ones.

But in all this agony I find the soothing balsam that soothes my pain and brightens my world in the smile on my ex's face. Is that crazy? Does it make sense?

Yes. A thousand times yes.

Because what that person is and was to me cannot be changed by anything, not even her marriage to another person. What that person was to me at a point in my life cannot be changed by all the paranoid chants of an ailing community that is dying a slow death by itself.

I made her a promise that I will carry her newborn child in my arms some day and love it as if it was my own. I promised her I will honor and any person she chose to spend her life with, even if that person does not happen to be me.

In the end, people have to go somewhere in their lives and if they are not together, they don't necessarily have to be apart.

If this sounds like incoherent rambling to you, I apologize sincerely, but writing it down is part of my way in dealing with matters, and it feels good this way.

I'll be heading to bed after this.

I hope I get a good night sleep.

And if I'm lucky

a dream!

papyrina 52F
21133 posts
8/26/2006 3:42 pm

had i never lived in greece ,i would never be able to understood how two people can ever be held apart,now i do.Its never pleasant but sometimes so very necessary,hugs my friend

I'm a

i'm here to stay

rm_Vitruvius78 replies on 8/27/2006 11:25 am:
You know what they say about us Mediterraneans. We're hot blooded and have habits that go back a very long way. I suppose things are not very different in Greece. I imagine you have close nit communities that have alot of traditions to up hold.

You know what I just remembered: Fiddler on the Roof. An amazing masterpiece. I recommend it highly.

Nice to see ya papy.

VCF1962 106F

8/26/2006 3:57 pm

I have always loved your descriptive prose Vitruvius. Your very heart comes alive when you speak of this woman and I feel sad that you will never get to be together with the person that holds the key to your heart.

I will never understand why people just cannot be happy that a loved one has found happiness, never mind all the bullshit about he's this colour, she's that religion - it's all nonsense.

We are here once - do we not have a right to be happy ?

My heart breaks for you.

Mistress Innuendo
Taking what you say and turning it into something naughty !!

rm_Vitruvius78 replies on 8/27/2006 11:28 am:
You knw, to me she's a prototype of what women mean to me. I love her sincerely, but unfortunately I have to be realisitic and understand life. I'd go mad otherwise.

Sometimes I get exasperated with all the nonsense that I come across in my community, but it still has alot of good worth preserving. I hope my children find it better place after I leave.

Sailor376 64M
2288 posts
8/28/2006 12:02 am

Hello my Friend,

Just back fron the boat, wonderful. windy, exhausting weekend. Just what I needed. I am still digesting your post. She is now married to another? Two loves? Family and mate. One of the cures for the ills of the world are such inter marriages. I don't know your world. Here in the States, still difficulties, but far less. I'll think on it.

Rest well as I hope to.


rm_Vitruvius78 replies on 8/28/2006 12:11 am:
Hey Dean,

Nice weekend huh?

No she is not married yet. I just promsed her that I will not drift away from her life if she was involved with someone in the future.

Sailor376 64M
2288 posts
8/29/2006 12:21 am

Your children will find it a better place when you make it a better place. Time is not the healer, we are.


rm_Vitruvius78 39M
59 posts
8/29/2006 1:30 pm

    Quoting Sailor376:
    Your children will find it a better place when you make it a better place. Time is not the healer, we are.

If we can't leave the world a little better than we found it for them then what have we been doing all this time, eh?

The least we can do is show them that we are better than the people whe cause them any aggrevation.

Sailor376 64M
2288 posts
8/29/2006 9:17 pm

If this one is 'the one' for you, if you are 'the one' for her, and you both had better be certain, neither driven together because of others, nor riven apart by your own fears, then wed her.

Live where you must but heed yourself first. Such a neighbor would certainly be welcome here.

I could so certainly be wrong. I have been so certainly wrong before. I wrote something for you on my side of the fence. Come, sit, read, maybe we should sip some coffee and talk.


rm_Vitruvius78 39M
59 posts
9/3/2006 11:26 am

    Quoting LipsSayAll:
    The tangled webs we weave.......how can they be wrong, since they are based on love? Logic and rationality's rules do not apply to loving....

Did you ever love someone although you could not tell why? Did it ever seem unreasonable to you?

seek_my_flame 41F
465 posts
9/30/2006 3:24 am

Awwwww... So good to be here again...

I am blessed by the love of someone who is not accepted by my community's standards... and by my family and friends... and I am standing there, frozen like you, unable to do something to change it... hoping that my love for them will be enough... and knowing that sometimes, it's not...

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