rm_Tibarraji 45M
5 posts
5/6/2006 7:04 am

Last Read:
5/14/2006 6:14 pm


well... i have been gone for a while... my idiot room-mate didnt pay the damn internet bill.. so i have been watching alot of TV when i get home from work.

well.. last night i went and rented some movies. one of the movies i rented was called "Closer". it has natalie portman, jude law, and julia roberts. before you ask... yes.. i like chic flicks.

well.. i got this thinking thats what it was. and to a certain degree... it is, though it has a really fucked up ending... at least i thought so. Well anyways... it really got me thinking.

What if your entire life, your very existance, was filled with nothing but lies? how would that realization affet you? would you be upset, hurt, depressed, or even angry? would you be relieved? what if you actually wanted your current life/existance to be a lie? what if you hoped for it with every fiber of your being?

now, dont get me wrong... things are starting to finally come together for me. i have started a decent job that pays well, and has the potential to pay more. it has plenty of chances for advancement. im no longer on disability. physically, im pretty healthy now, albiet tired. socially, well... i have always had a strange social life. seems to come in spurts. sometimes its great... sometimes its not.

this movie got me thinking pretty hard about my love life, or lack there-of. since i have joined this site, my prospects have increased quite a bit. its been so long since i have even attempted to get into a relationship, that i am afraid i will screw it up. i dunno.. maybe im just thinking too hard about it. guess i shouldnt have taken all those philosophy classes back in college huh.

i dunno if i even have a point to all of this. im probably just rambling.

the question still remains in my head though. what if everything in my life was a lie? what if that wasnt such a bad thing.. meaning that it wasnt really as bad as i thought it was. after asking myself those questions... the next logical question would be... what if the lies were started by myself as a way to avoid something else? and if so, what is it im trying to avoid, and how do i find out?

Hellokitty765 40F

5/12/2006 9:27 pm

Interesting thought, but most people live their life in a lie. There is no avoiding it. You can constantly tell yourself you are going to do or be something than you already are. Most people don't look at this as a lie, just a motivation tool. But, people like that are just plain naive.
Everyday I get up telling myself that I look forward to the day, but truthfully I would rather stay in bed with the covers pulled up past my head.
I tell myself that I like my job, but what I really want to do to earn a living, isn't what I am doing to pay the bills.
So just to say or answer a question, you start a lie the day you are born. And just like any other lie it constantly changes, you exaggerate and a new lie is born.

rm_Tibarraji 45M
4 posts
5/13/2006 7:51 am

hmmm... thats an intresting way of looking at it. i would have to agree about the naivety of most ppl. they like their nice, cushy, comfortable lives, and have never really pushed themselves.

ild love to hear more of your thoughts on this

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