In Defence of the One Night Stand  

rm_SpiritofPan 74M
5 posts
2/20/2006 1:48 pm

Last Read:
8/12/2008 8:55 am

In Defence of the One Night Stand

Have you noticed how No one seems to have a good word to say for the one-night stand? People are constantly saying "not into one night stands" or "not into one night stands anymore", as if it was immoral, inferior, and something you grow out of. Unlike "friendship", which everyone wants.
I understand about friendship -- and yes, being a sensitive man who wants to tune into his friends and lovers and give at least as much pleasure as I get, I know that it is good to take time to get to know people intimately, rather than get intimate before you get to know people
And yet--and yet. The truth is, that the very rare experience I have had of one-night stands has also been among the most profound experiences in my long 61-year old life. That rare thing, when two strangers meet at a purely energetic level (in one case it was with a girl who didnt speak my language), and their only language for meeting becomes the language of love-making. I never knew sex could be so out-of-this-world before; I have never quite experienced anything like it since. It is the epitome of the stranger/stranger fantasy.
So don't slag off the one night stand, folks! Like all sex, the one night stand can just be about "getting your end away"/"rocks off"/"laid", etc -- sort of sex-as-fast-food syndrome. But it can be very, very romantic -- about meeting, exquisitely, once and once only, chance of a lifetime, in a special place -- about rising to the occasion, so to speak, to be for one night only completely absorbed in the language of eros. I remember feeling quite shattered when I left the next morning, in the dawn -- never before have I felt so vibrant, never before or since quite so alone, knowing we would never meet again, that the subtle interplay built up over our one long sleepless night together had created a language that would never be spoken again. I have never, before or since, felt more alive that I did that moment, or more wonderfully well-fucked, so to speak. The challenge is to be able to revisit such intensity in longer relationships.

rm_FreeLove999 47F
16127 posts
2/20/2006 2:09 pm

my position on one night stands is not a moral one. i've done a lot of that in my time (and about 50% of the time had a great time of it). right now tho i would just like to try something i have never had -- a deeply intimate, good sexual long term relationship. i realise it is frustrating being on a site such as this and finding a lot of women saying that, but that is what i have come to this year after two years on the site...

[blog freelove999]

crazygurl2xx 58F

2/20/2006 2:43 pm

I have had incredible one night stands too. I am not adverse to them. However it's like saying that you are looking for dead leaves in the fall to say you are looking for a one night stand...they are everywhere anyway. Why look? They are inevitable. Yeah, and some of them are really hot.
It's not a moral thing at all.

rm_SpiritofPan 74M

2/20/2006 4:17 pm

TY for all the responses so far! I really respect wanting to get into long relationships of course -- and its great that you say it's NOT a moral thing. Take a look through the site and that isn't always the case though. And yes, one night stands are inevitable as fallen leaves -- but they can also be as rare as a perfect pearl in an oyster, so let's honour them as much as longer "relationships" too! "It's not how long you make it, it's how you make it long" as the old cigarette advert in a pile of my parent's old (?pre-war) Punch magazines used to say -- If I can totally drop the sense of either/or and use the experience of one night stands to inspire me to be as present in my long-term relationship, and the experience of deep empathy that I have learned in long-term relationship to sensitize my one night only adventures, I shall be a very happy man indeed!

rm_Dark_man1964 53M
2 posts
8/8/2008 10:38 am


I agree with FreeLove and have had similar experience as to enjoyment in fact more 40% + and 60% -. I don't believe you can really enjoy sex to the full until you start to know your partner, her needs, likes which only comes I've found from a long term relationship.

So yes, they're ok, but long term sex is best

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