Feed Me!  

rm_Simplysexy65 51F
870 posts
6/23/2006 7:45 am

Last Read:
6/23/2006 9:29 am

Feed Me!

Eating salad for lunch is very much like a pity fuck. For whatever reason, you feel obligated to participate but you're not really getting anything out of it.

A chef salad (with turkey - what was I thinking??) is more of a dry hump. Nobody's getting anything out of it, and ultimately it all ends in humiliation and self-loathing.

I think a steak and potato is a lot like married sex. Not really very exciting, it's just something you do a couple of times a week cause you always have.

Vegetables are anal sex. You get talked into it, you think it is for the man's benefit, but you totally love it! Covering vegetables in something like melted cheese or butter - that's just lube. Sure, it goes down (in, whatever) better but you’re still taking it in the ass.

Liquor is basically a sex toy.

Anything family style is basically group sex.

Sushi is much like hotel sex. You're not really sure why you're doing what you're doing, but it's fun and really really good. Throw in some sake and it's an all around good time. Also, it's not like you're in your house so it's okay to break the furniture.

Dessert is the "happy ending" in every way. Some people get all excited about an entree or appetizer (premature ejaculation, people). Save it for whatever they've got covered in chocolate. It's worth the wait, you had fun getting there, and there's nothing better than a table full of people being that happy all at the same time.

Ice cream is oral sex. It just is. I can't really explain it. It's something that when first explained to you should be gross, but then you try it and it's not bad. Then you find your favorite flavor or brand, and you feel the need to have it at every meal. No, this does not contradict the dessert=happy ending statement above. Oral sex (if done right) includes a happy ending. So, ice cream can be oral sex AND a happy ending. Best of both worlds!

Cooking is just a form of masturbation. You think nobody can do it as well as you can, but you're probably wrong. You should branch out and let someone else give it a try. Have a drink, it'll loosen you up.

So, I guess that means eating out is a form of prostitution...

Sweets are illicit affairs. You know you shouldn't but you just can't stop yourself. And, no one will admit it, but you enjoy every sinful moment of it. Anybody who says they don't is a liar who probably cooks only steak and potatoes (that would be boring masturbation).

Belgian waffles are sleeping in late on a Sunday type sex. The brunch of sex, if you will.

Any comfort food (mac and cheese is my personal favorite) is friends with benefits sex. It doesn’t have to be exciting but it makes you happy. Probably not the best thing for you, but you feel better afterwards.

So what kind of sex does your food remind you of?

Kristofer32 47M

6/23/2006 8:21 am

So in this feast of the senses, you have covered all the bases, I think. I have to say I love to cook and I think I am damn good at it. There just hasn't been anyone to cook for lately. I guess I must be a self loving expert, according to your philsophy. Oh well, there will be a time, I am certain, someone will show me I really can't do it best myself.


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