Comments Needed!!!!  

rm_RocknRoxie 50F
296 posts
4/24/2006 6:23 pm

Last Read:
5/7/2006 6:17 pm

Comments Needed!!!!

I really need some help from the readers of this blog. I am having a major argument with my husband about sex. I need honest opinions from people so that I either prove that I am not alone in my way of thinking or comments that will make me see that there are other people that really do think like my crazy, insane husband. If there are more people thinking the same way as my husband I will consider changing my mind about this issue.

We have a 16 yr old daughter that is going out or dating. She has been going with the same young man (which is the same age as her) for 7 months. They do not go out places without supervision. There is always an adult with them at all times. His parents and us make sure that there is always someone there with them at all times. Adult supervision is a requirement of both his mom and myself.

The argument between us is about sex. I think that the kids should be supervised at all times in order to prevent the kids from being alone together, mostly so that we do not give them the opportunity to have sex. I have had the sex talk with my daughter many times. Whenever we are alone in the car, I use that time to talk to her about waiting until she feels that she is ready to have sex. I am not telling her wait until she reaches a certain age or until she becomes engaged or gets married.

I feel that a person should be prepared to have sex. It should not just happen because they are alone and horny. It should be someone that you care for, someone that means something in your life. Sex needs to be planned; protection of pregnancy, protection of sexually transmitted diseases and it should be something that is enjoyable. If you do not enjoy sex, it could lead to other issues later in life. (I had sex at an early age and I have major issues about sex.)

My husband feels that she should have sex and get it over with. Just have sex and lose her virginity. Virginity is not that big of a deal. Sex is something that 2 people can have without having any feeling for that person or to love that person.

As an adult, I feel that I could have sex with someone without having any feelings for the other person, because sex is just sex. But, when having sex for the first time it will be something that you remember for the rest of your life. It should be special. It should not be rushed. It should not happen in the back seat of the car. It should be very special!

Please leave comments for this blog. I really need some help. I know that people that do not have children have lots of opinions about how they would do things and how they would raise them. Please be honest and tell me if you have kids or not. It will make a difference to me. I have eaten my words so many times about kids. I made all of the opinions before I had kids of my own. When it comes to my kids, I am just like most parents. I have rules and I am going to stick with them no matter whose parents let them do it.

49AK 56M
1823 posts
4/24/2006 7:10 pm

I don't have kids of my own, but my partner has two teenagers, and now a granddaughter...

I think kids are terribly unprepared for everything these days, not just sex (kids in general, not your kids, per se). I look back at my own childhood, and while I thought that it was relatively vanilla, it turns out that it wasn't, at least as far as sex goes. Fortunately for me, the time that I consider my first time was very special (I make that qualifier because there were a number of times before that that were halting half-attempts and other things).

I think you're both right... She needs to have the mental and emotional tools to make the right choices about who she sleeps with... but at the same time, making sex a forbidden (and hence attractive) thing might be counter-productive. I wouldn't encourage her towards it, but I would want to make sure that the necessary resources were available to her, including the obvious -- contraception and methods for safe sex, and less obvious, an emotional support network so that she knows that she's OK making her own choices, and that she can come to you if she needs to.

That having been said, my parents never could have done that for me, in part because we never had that kind of relationship where they were approachable... So the groundwork takes time to lay...

digdug41 50M

4/24/2006 7:12 pm

hey roxie I have to agree with you on the whole thing leading up to having sex, my only problem with what your doing is showing your daughter you dont trust her with the tools you have provided and the information, It is up to her now to decide if she wants to act on it, the way your doin it now if they want to have sex these two young people will find a way,now I dont know what city you are from or if you are in a small town but if you have armed your daughter then you have to trust her, unless she has givin you a reason not to trust her,maybe you are projecting your past issues with sex onto your daughter? she may be your child but she is not you, so like I said unless she has givin you the reason to believe that she will go and have sex with this fella then you are goin to have to trust her

roaming the cyber streets of blogland

Ed19713 46M
18 posts
4/24/2006 7:14 pm

I have a 15 year old daughter,so I feel that I have a certain right to comment. No way in hell would I encourage her to just get it over with,I value & appreciate my daughter in an un-measureable way & that would be degrading not only to her but to myself as a parent. I want my daughter to experience everything that life has to offer,that means that I want her to have her first kiss,her first love,her first heartache & all of the firsts that she is suppose to have & yes she will have her first sexual encounter sooner or later but I encourage the later than sooner consistently! I do not think that you are wrong in anyway,you are just a damn good parent!

rm_JohnMacLaine 51M
585 posts
4/24/2006 7:25 pm

Losing ones virginity, in my opinion, sould be a special occurrance, not just something you do because you are horny and want to get it over with. We, as parents have to be responsible for our children and their actions by taking a very active role in their lives until such time they leave our roof. I am in agreement with you in regards to this issue, as my first time was not pleasant, and I did not have deep feelings for the girl, I was simply just was a horny 18-year old boy, and did not know what I was doing. Virginity is sacred, no matter if the virgin is male or female. I have a 12 year old son, and would want him to lose his when he has met someone special, and one he has deep feelings for.

Just my two cents...


"I can retain neither respect or affection for a government which has been moving from wrong to wrong in order to defend its own immorality" Mahatma Ghandi

alwzwetbbw 38F

4/24/2006 7:37 pm

Okay, I dont have any children, but it wasn't that long ago that I was a child and a virgin for that matter. I didn't loose my virginity until I was 23, and it wasn't because the opportunity wasn't there. I just wasn't ready and I knew I wasn't ready.

However, I'm wondering if the point your husband is trying to make is that you should trust your daughter and let her start to make her own decisions regarding her relationships. I hate to say this, but I'm betting your daughter knows herself and her body better than anyone, including her parents. I understand your concern about having sex too early, and they are legitimate concerns.

I may not be a parent, but up until recently I worked with kids on a daily basis. Kids are (1) smarter than we give them credit for and (2) sneakier than we give them credit for.

My advice, and this is coming from a childless, 26 yr. old, ex-probation officer, is just to loosen the hold a little on your daughter. Show her that you trust her. She may really surprise you. It sounds like she has good parents who love her and have obviously shown that through their concern regarding this issue. Trust what you have done as parents and trust your daughter

I hope this helps and if I was way out of line, I apologize. Best of Luck!

TrueTxGtlman 54M

4/24/2006 8:31 pm

As a father of a 19 year old virgin daughter I have to say I worried about her having sex from the day I let her out of my sight. I can tell you that if you "OVER" protect her you can force her into find away to "TRY" what everyone is telling her not to try. I let my daughter out on unsupervised dates at age 16 and her boyfriend was 19 and all I knew was I had raised her to this point and I have to hope I did it right. I wouldn't want your daughter to just go out and have sex to get it over with. But you do have to start to trust sooner or later that you did a good job. I beat into my kids in a tough spot and you can't decide which road to take on the forked road to think this little thought and it should help...... What would I do if DAD was standing right here with me.... My daughter said the one time she was about to cross the line with her exBF she actually thought about me sitting there watching and it put a BIG damper on the event.... I looked at that event as... MY JOB WAS DONE.....

If you ever need a parent to chat with about this I would be more than able to chit and chat about this...


rm_coathanger1 49M
859 posts
4/25/2006 8:44 pm

I don't get the "just do it and get it over with" attitude. As a father of a 15 year old daughter I have to say I couldn't make those word come out of my mouth. I'm not knocking his point of view, but I don't understand it. I have told my daughter to just be honest and she has been informed of how to protect herself. We have even offered her condoms to keep if things "just happened".

I would have to agree with others and agree that over protecting is not good. It will drive a kid to make the forbidden things happen.

I wish you the best of luck on dealing with this issue.

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