Holiday Blues  

rm_Ptalk1155 35M
3428 posts
11/24/2005 11:02 pm

Last Read:
12/1/2006 7:36 am

Holiday Blues

I woke up this morning knowing it would be a miserable day. Do you ever do that? Wake up, and before you even finishing opening your eyes, you just know it's going to be "one of those days"?

I forgot just how much I dislike holidays, especially now. Let me be clear up front, this is not a "poor me" post, nor do I want any sympathy.

I hate holidays. I have for some time. I'm not a particularly social guy in the real world (though everyone I know disagrees. I fake it well I guess.), and I am often quite comfortable being totally alone, a concept totally foreign to most people. My family makes me uncomfortable because I don't understand them, and I do not find their sense of humor amusing. Moreover, I know that they could act so much more intelligently if they wanted, meaning they simply choose not to use their intelligence in my presence. (I've had stimulating intellectual conversations with them before, so I know it's possible, it's just unfathomably rare.)

So, holidays mean prolonged exposure to family members I really don't miss. Plus, it's a lot of people in a relatively small area, which makes me doubly uncomfortable. I'm not claustrophobic, but if there's a sizable crowd in a small enough area, I become uncomfortable. I don't have a fear of crowds (don't remember the term) until you put me in the middle of one and keep me from leaving.

Now, on top of that, there's the past year or so of my life which has been, for lack of a better term, one giant disappointment. Basically, I am totally not where I want to be in life right now. I started my own business, but it's not profitable yet and therefore I am basically broke. (My savings takes care of my bills, though that account is pretty close to E. I really have no idea how I'll pay for X-mas this year.) As such, I'm constantly told that I don't have a "real job" by family and friends since I'm not making any money. Apparently, they think I spend my day sleeping and masturbating? This has basically made me stay away from everyone I know. I don't want to answer questions about work, and I sure as hell don't want to listen to wisecracks. And, being broke means I'm constantly worrying about ending up in a situation that I might have to pay for something and simply not have the cash to do so.

Holidays and family gatherings just remind me of this, and how much I hate being in this situation. And, unlike the average jackass, I know my situation is a product of my own making and will continue to be that way until I find it within myself to do something about it. Easier said than done, of course.

Yesterday I spent banging my head against the wall at work, so I was pissed off all day and probably awoke pissed off this morning, so the icing on the cake was all the other BS today. First, my friends were asking me about getting together for a movie tonight. It was 10 AM, and I had no idea what time I was to be at my uncle's for food (I was traveling with my immediate family today) and no idea what time I would be leaving from there. And, it's goddamned Thanksgiving for Christ's sake.

Then, I got a call from my cousin. My cousin and I were raised almost like brother and sister, so we're pretty close even though I never see her anymore. She needs to make sure I don't say anything about her life that might piss off her dad since she's not going to be at T-day dinner. I come downstairs after this conversation and huff, which my mother knows immediately means the conversation dealt with something that made me uncomfortable/upset. Since I'm already frazzled this morning, like a complete fucking jackass, I forget to lie convincingly, and this makes my mother curious. So I spend the next 20 minutes deflecting questions and contradicting assumptions that are a thousand times worse than the truth.

Then we had my sister. My sister is a teenager, meaning that any and all authority figures are wrong and stupid. Her primary authority figure is my mother. My mother and my sister do not fight quietly. The first thing I dealt with this morning was my sister's skin allergies breaking out (thank GOD I have no allergies AT ALL...must be the OJ). She of course, wanted to go to the doctor, while my mother wants her to actually try the meds she has and clean her freaking room for a change. This was, of course, after she made us all late by sleeping later than everyone else and taking forever to get ready.

Then there was T-day dinner that opened with my uncle, funny guy that he thinks he is, reading off this Turkey Day test, a bunch of random trivia about T-day and turkeys. Shut up and let us eat! I hate waiting for someone to say grace, nevermind that bullshit. The turkey was freaking cold by the time I got to it.

THEN, because I'm the tech-geek of my family, I naturally am recruited to fix said uncle's computer. It is a 6 year old Gateway running Windows ME. Oh, and I'm doing this out of the goodness of my broke heart when I could be charging $80 to look at the thing and another $120 to scan it with AdAware. At least it allowed me to be secluded from my family for a while. I didn't even get to finish because the thing was still quarantining when my family wanted to leave. Oh, and I pretty much missed dessert while I was trying to gauge the thing's progress.

Now, my friend is sleeping on my couch, even though I told my family he wouldn't end up back here because he had other offers. So guess what the first thing I'll hear about tomorrow morning is?

Anyway, I apologize for my bitchiness, and I will post 'Third Night' tomorrow night when I don't have company trying to read over my shoulder. Now, I'm going to eat something, go to sleep, and wake up when this year is over.

rm_saintlianna 46F
15466 posts
11/26/2005 11:03 am

I know how you feel and my relatives piss me off. My birthday is a bad day, I usually spend the day crying and whineing.

rm_Ptalk1155 35M
3450 posts
11/26/2005 12:44 pm

I tried to skip mine this year, but they wouldn't have it. Argh.

(Princess Lips)

11/28/2005 7:48 pm

we all have our own lil hells...


timeforfun219 43M/44F  
2155 posts
12/1/2006 4:39 am

So was this year any better? I left you this easter egg because I was tagged. Now you are tagged too. Go to [blog JakeDrake8]and do what The Golden Eggsays!

If my boobs were bigger I'd be a BBW!

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