A Thousand Lives Lived  

rm_Ptalk1155 35M
3428 posts
8/28/2006 9:42 pm

Last Read:
8/30/2006 9:10 pm

A Thousand Lives Lived

I read. I read quite a bit, and often. But when I read, I don't just read, I become, especially if its a story about a character who shares much with me. That character and I become one. I live his life in my mind as the words flow across the page. The world around me dissolves, and I'm somewhere else. I wake up in the night and look around trying to recall which is the real world and which is the story world. I lift my eyes from the page and wonder where I am and why nothing looks as it did a moment ago. How long had passed? Months? Years?

And having just finished one of those stories, I realize why I am so old inside.
Because I've lived a thousand lives already. It's why I've always felt like I've done this all before, because I have.
I've fallen in love a thousand times, had my heart broken a thousand more, and so I don't know how to open myself to it again.
I've made love to a thousand beautiful women, so no burning desire for sex remains in me.
I've seen a thousand pasts, a thousand presents, a thousand futures. So I know humanity will drift down the path of self-destruction, lest someone save us.
I've died a thousand times and a thousand ways, and so I fear not death.
I've lost a thousand friends, so I'm wary of more.
Been stabbed in the back a thousand times, so trust is so hard.
Known wealth, power, and greed, and so want them not.
Known poverty, starvation, and hardship, and so wish for them not.
Known love beyond compare, raw viceral hatred without mercy, unrelenting despair, and joyous rapture.

And in the end, after a thousand lives, a thousand shattered dreams, a thousand lost loves, a thousand mistakes, there remains just me, the darkness, the dim light, alone.

hotandhorny107 59F

8/29/2006 11:42 pm

Time to leave the books and come into the sunshine and play

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