Drop outs  

rm_PDXFlyer231 65M
9 posts
12/1/2005 4:05 pm

Last Read:
9/2/2007 9:42 pm

Drop outs

Okay, I've got a few more questions to get some opinions.....

Why is it that when you meet someone for coffee, seem to have a nice time (friendly, good conversation, etc.) and even setup another meeting to do some sort of activity to get to know them better, that they suddenly just disappear?

I've had this happen several times. I don't consider myself unobservant or a poor reader of character, but I'm beginning to question that. Maybe there are so many offers in the air that some look better than others and juggling isn't someone's forte.

So my questions are these:
1) Do you simply disappear? If so, why?
2) Do you tend to mislead someone trying to protect their feelings? I.e. expressing more interest than actually exists?
3) Have you had others disappear on you? If so, how did you feel?

rm_PDXFlyer231 65M
11 posts
12/1/2005 11:26 pm

Great response! I get to Seattle occasionally, usually passing through on my way to Vancouver (I lived there for 3 years and wish I'd never moved back!).

We're obviously all "searching" here. So when we get rejected (passively is the worst) it's hard to swallow. I met someone this evening and found we spent the time discecting the meaning of words and phrases (like "investing in a relationship"). Way too much work and way too heady for what I'm looking for. I can get all the analytical/intellectual stimulation I want outside of meeting women to become potential partners with.

Thanks for the response. And ditto for me if you ever get down Portland way!

rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
1/18/2006 9:48 am

Haven't met anyone from AdultFriendFinder in person yet but have from another personals site. Makes me remember one coffee get together I did go to; neither of us followed up. Of course, as we were leaving we ran into one of the nurses I used to work with who gave me a big hug and wanted to know how "Bob" was....now this girl is a really ditsy blond in some ways so I really don't think she meant to drop a bowling ball but it was kinda funny...another nurse we worked with....I think we both might have made out with him but I'm not sure...I didn't think she knew I had...I didn't explain to my coffee friend (I knew it sounted bad and if I explained I was afraid it would sound worse)...

Truth was I knew we weren't right for each other by the end of the coffee date...possibly he thought the same, I don't know...sometimes some of the dates just don't work and you might as well let it go and chalk it up to experience and consider there is probably a good reason...if the 2 of you don't strike sparks to begin with and there are issues or not enough interest to continue then you might as well let it go before investing time in it when you could be spending the time with someone that really rocks your world who is still out there waiting to find you....

When I first started personals without a pic I ran into a few guys who were obviously players and would IM me out of the blue...I noted that if I wasn't ready to hop right into a date and the sack they dropped me immediately, some weren't the slightest bit polite about it...it was very unsettling at first...nobody does that shit to me in a bar...then I recognized the fact that everyone is a stranger until you get to know them and net dating is nothing like real life in some ways...don't take it personally 'cause it really isn't...they obviously weren't on the same plane I was and I realized that I really didn't care...

rm_corezon 54F
3376 posts
1/18/2006 9:58 am

Second thought...I can see how it would be easy in the course of a coffee get together to get put on the spot and find it hard to tell a guy flat out you really weren't interested in pursuing a relationship or getting together again...just say yes because you don't want to have to be quite that blunt...

Not everyone is comfortable with being that assertive...

Now if I really thought I felt some mutual chemistry going on between us I would really wonder, too, if it fell through the cracks...but you don't know what kind of life issues might have cropped up for the other person...

Buffy1239 66F

2/11/2006 7:40 pm

i have had these same feelings, not from anyone here but others long ago and i agree with Corezon, i would reather just say something at that first meeting and know the problems than to lead anyone on or be led on. I am looking for my Mr. right not being seen as a free timer

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