rm_OyasDancer 46F
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7/16/2006 11:25 pm

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7/16/2006 11:26 pm


I get a lot of weird looks on a regular basis - even more so of late as I've not any proper "goth" clothing. My clothes are very mundane, more to cover me up than to look sexy, so the septum piercing and purple-black dreadlocks tend to throw people off. I can see them visibly try to come up with a ticky box for me in their own heads as to why someone wearing an Adidas cap would have a septum piercing. Combine this with never having time to do anything as simple as do up my hair, or makeup, or anything even remotely girly, and I look on most days pretty dog-rough. I look almost downright chav, which terrifies me no end! A classic assumption is me struggling up the hill to my house with son in stroller. I take it at a crawl, bent over double, panting and sweating. Most people give me a faint sneer as they pass me as, naturally, I'm a fat bird because I never exercise, eat loads of McDonalds, and my huffing and blowing proves it. The reality? First off, I have fibromyalgia, which is an absolute bitch of a syndrome. Secondly, I don't drive, and my son's nursery school is 1.5 miles away from my house. I walk him there and back again, and then pick him up in the afternoon. Thus, I walk six miles a day, going up a 40 degree grade hill hill, twice, usually after running around shopping and working on my allotment. All told? I do about 15 miles a week. And I haven't eaten fast food in well over four years, thankyouverymuch. I don't lose weight because my metabolism is buggered and no doctor can figure out why. But fat=never exercise to most people's minds. And the assumption sticks.

Today I went down to my allotment - yes, you heard me right, allotment. Even kinky people like organic veg - and I was in my usual allotment gear. There's no way to dress up when you're carrying a compost bucket and a trowel - unless you're into that sort of thing, but trust me, working on an allotment bed would be a bitch in stilettoes. The looks of amusement or downright shock from people when I first came to the plot was rather amusing, but something I'm used to in one way or another. They've now gotten used to seeing my weird hair, piercings and tattoos, and concentrate instead of giving me grief about how weedy my allotment is.

Another assumption; goth=kinky BDSM. Somewhere in my closet I must have some leather neglige, a corset and some thigh high boots. Reality? I don't wear the stuff at all. I have a penchant to cram my hair under a hat in the mornings, and I don't think my son's nursery has ever seen me without one. The reason I put my hair in extensions is not to fulfil someone's fantasy of the black woman with braids, but because it's a hell of a lot easier to cope with extensions when chasing a two year old. I get dreadlock extensions because at least then I can feel like I'm being a bit more expressive.

My kinky friends, as beautiful as they are, aren't kinky 24/7 either. I've been known to chat online to them while they were makeup free, wearing glasses. Sometimes with a facial masque on. We have our favourite pair of crap jeans which have holes all over (but not in naughty sexy places). We dig in dirt. We chase our kids around. We go on the rag and bitch about it. We get spotty sometimes. We get sick, and we blow our noses in great honking blows. Kinky sexy people can get sinus infections too, you know. That's reality.

One of my Divas did the pro-domme circuit for a while. One of her clients wanted her to write about her viewpoint on one of the scenes she did for him. I guess he thought it would be peppered with the typical "Oooo it makes me so hot to do this to you, oooooo baby." Instead, she did a very candid write up: about how she got her period that day and her hot pants wouldn't zip up, but she had to wear them, and breathe in short gasps, how she was cramping like mad through the entire scene, how she had to actually leave him in the main room and go throw up because smoking was part of the scene he wanted, and she hates smoking -and so on. Definitely NOT what the sub wanted to hear, but come on. Sometimes pro-dommes deal with a client only because they need the money. And that's it. Considering people go to a pro-domme because he or she wants to get off, I don't understand why clients are so shocked the domme isn't writing in lust over having to make their client eat porridge as their entire scene (and yes, I've heard of this one before).

When it comes to wanting to live the usual AdultFriendFantasy (which is the moniker I tend to apply to this site as being based in reality seems to be the furthest from most peoples' minds) I have rather mixed feelings on it. There's a point where I want things to be realistic - I want it to be known I laugh, I cry, I get pissy, I have crap days, I make a fool of myself, I am turned on in reality, or completely turned off. And yet, at the same time, I enjoy the fantasy of being whisked away, of living in the sensuality of the moment, of allowing a lover or compatriot to only see that aspect of my life and nothing else, of living that mystery. But I think it would be more useful in the latter sense if it was understood on both sides that OyaD is only a facet of me. She isn't the entire entity. Does this make the rest of me of lesser value? I would certainly hope not. It's a facet worth polishing till it shines...but it's still a mere facet.

ASSumptions can often be just that. It's a huge mistake to just assume you know me from a profile, know what I want, know what I'm into. It's a mistake to think I must be some kind of uber-sex goddess solely because I happen to be a bit more intellectual and sensual about it. It's not wise to assume because I'm a fat bird I must just be desperate and will go for whatever happens to come my way. I'm a deeper person, with my own needs.

Put the ASSumptions aside, and really look at what I'm offering. You may be surprised at what you see.

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