My BDSM experience  

rm_Otoscope2 51M
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3/28/2006 12:27 pm

Last Read:
6/5/2006 1:54 pm

My BDSM experience


I was always fascinated with the BDSM community around Denver and wanted to check it out. I was a little nervous about it, however and I really wasn't sure if it was for me or not. A few weeks ago I just shrugged off my trepidations and took the plunge.

I found that there are several BDSM clubs around Denver and there are two main places where they meet. One is called the Enclave and the other is called the Sanctuary (formerly the Harbour). The Enclave holds a social mixer just about every Friday and Sanctuary has a monthly event called Gateway which is a play party for new people to the lifestyle.

One of the most attractive aspects about the BDSM community is it's members. The people are very intelligent and very real. They communicate well and are refreshingly honest about their ideals, values, and kinks. I found it fairly easy to strike up conversations that got surprizingly personal very quickly.

One of the most surprizing aspects of the community was that it is not an overtly sexual club. You can expect to see nudity, restraints, floggling, moaning and powerful releases of energy but do not go there looking for penetration, oral sex, or some kind of orgy scene. People organized into scenes with partners that were not necessarily their lovers. It was rare that total strangers could enter a scene together quickly. It is vital that people talk very frankly about what their boundaries, expectations, and safe words are before getting into a situation.

Most of the people I found there where larger sized men and women. Most of them were in their 30's and 40's. Most women were submissive and most men were dominants. If you go into the scene, expect to be asked if you are a sub or a dom. Answer as honestly as you can.
As for myself, my answer was, "I really don't know until I try it. I'd rather start out as a submissive and see where it goes." I was lucky. I met a woman at Gateway that described herself as a "sensual dom" or a dominant that stops short of bruising and scars. For me, that was a good match. She was married but had an open relationship. She introduced me to her husband whom I liked and who seemed to get a good vibe from me.

She and I talked about various likes/dislikes and got along well. I called her the next day and she was game to making an appointment at her place. She had a dungeon in her home (this kinda intimidated me at first; I mean, whoa! she's pretty serious) but her kindly, generous nature overshadowed my fears. One week later I met her at her place.

She was true to her word. Over the course of the week, she told me what to expect about how our scene would begin. She asked me to buy a black thong. She asked me to shave my pubes. The scene played out exactly like she said it would. She blindfolded me, tied to to a wooden rack in the corner of the room, and flogged me lightly with an occational caress or light kiss between swipes. Later, I lay down and she poured hot wax on me. My pain level never went up very high. On a scale of 1 to 10, I never went above a 3. I think she was delibrately being a little gentle, being as how this was my first experience and we where testing the water a bit. I found that my tolerance and sensation of pain changed as the scene went on. After a while, I felt that I could easily withstand thing that would have been painful at first. I found that it turned me on.

Does this mean that I'm a helpless sub and that I need to get an account on Alt.com? No, I don't think so. I have a primarily sensual, playful nature and although I enjoy experimenting with a darker side of kinky, I can take it or leave it depending on the level of my partner. Will I see her again? Sure, probably twice a month if we can find the time. I still haven't put any mention of BDSM on my profile and probably won't unless this lifestyle somehow becomes a major element of my identity.

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